<p>OP- I don’t see your son as spoiled at all. He is just expressing his independence. However, you are very generously providing tuition and room and board money for both boys. I know of several families who chose to purchase a house in a college town to provide housing for their kids while in school. My ex-roommate of many years ago moved into a house her parents purchased while she was in school and they were able to sell it at a huge profit about 10 years later- it more than paid them back for her tuition- it can be a great investment! Unfortunately in this case, it sounds like the younger brother is sort of tagging along with his older brother due to lack of social contacts. I’m not sure that is good for either of them, and I wonder if the older one resents it a bit. (I know you say they are close, but he may not confide in you completely), I would think that regardless of the girlfriend, the younger one is not going to advance socially if he relies on his brother all the time. The GF may just make it worse- even if the older boy ends up in the condo, his GF may be there a lot. The younger brother may end up as a 3rd wheel or with no one there much of the time. </p>
<p>I might suggest to younger that he make another attempt to find a roommate or two, other than his brother. He could choose to live with them in the condo, in which case you would get rent. If he chose to live elsewhere, his brother would need the roommate at the condo - but NOT the GF. In either case, you could then use the rent money to fund the kid who does not stay in the condo. That way, you are not out any money, and both boys get choices. I would not fund housing for the older kid if it is with his GF. He may end up spending a lot of time with the GF anyway, but you can’t control that. </p>
<p>I also think buying the condo for the two of them is problematic to begin with. People grow and change in college. He may have been excited to room with the brother, but even if he didn’t meet the girl, he may still have made other friends h the wanted to live with. I think it was not really fair in the first place to basically say, we’ll lock you into rooming with your brother by buying the condo.</p>
<p>I also see that as problematic.
It’s one thing to live with a sibling in the future, if both make that decision on their own, but forcing togetherness at a time when they should be expanding their perspective not restricting it, may backfire, big time.
I wouldn’t risk it.
I think it is more than enough togetherness attending the same school.</p>
<p>Well the condo has already been bought and the parents are paying for it. The boys agreed initially to live in it. I’m sorry that one or both does not like the arrangement but they are not paying for their room. It appears that the family is stuck because they bought this condo and yoked themselves into an inflexible arrangement. The kids will just have to deal with it and get on with their lives until such time as they can afford their own quarters. College does not last forever. I don’t think the OP has any obligation to allow any SOs to live in the condo. Maybe the parents should treat it as an investment property and get new renters to pay regular market rate, thus freeing up the boys to live elsewhere. </p>
<p>Save money and also possibly create continuity/reduced stress for the sons during the school year. When you own your children’s apartment, there’s no chance that the landlord is going to try to cheat them, throw them out in the middle of the term, sell the building to a third party, etc.</p>
<p>I also know some. And the kids had their friends come over for the same sort of social life you find anywhere. Including occasional sleepovers. Not sure why some want to see this as the parents forcing it on them. OP didn’t say they were isolated. or restricted. She likes the GF. But she has a curveball.</p>
<p>I had a serious boyfriend in college and somehow I managed to survive those years without living with him. When you are a student and 100% financially dependent upon your parents, you’re going to have to make some concessions. Who among us didn’t have to live that reality? I sure did, and I was contributing a pretty good percentage towards my college expenses.</p>
<p>I also know families who purchased houses near the universities their kids were attending. The deal was that the kids lived there the entire time until graduation and were responsible for finding roommates and making sure the properties were maintained for the duration of their occupancy. These decisions, like the OP’s, were made as a family and fortunately the kids involved appreciated that their parents were supporting their college educations as well as providing a place to live and wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to change the deal before graduating and becoming self-supporting.</p>
<p>I think the OP’s older son has a lot of nerve trying to game the situation he agreed to in order to try to live with a girlfriend who may or may not be in the picture a year or two from now. It’s his prerogative to change his living arrangements when he’s graduated and self-supporting. Until, then he should realize how fortunate he is that his family is taking care of all his needs while he finishes his education. There are so many kids (many of whom post on cc) who would be very grateful in his situation.</p>
<p>If the son made an agreement with his family (and he did), he really needs to put on his big boy pants and live up to it.</p>
<p>*
Why do you fail to see that by buying a condo for their sons to live in is a way for them save some money?
*</p>
<p>That is not what you asked.
You asked if students commuting should live in an apt instead.</p>
<p>I do know a few people who are attending the local flagship & they do live either on campus or in college row.
I also know people who buy a place for their kids to live while attending school with hopes to save money down the road.
I dont know anyone who has bought a place with the intention of having siblings live there together for the duration of their college years.
What is the main concern when deciding which college to attend?
If it is to only spend blank $$, is buying property with the intention of having your kids both live there, the best/only way to achieve that goal?</p>
<p>emeraldkity4 - if you read OP’s post, she said they bought the condo last year. The younger son is a freshman this year, so I would assume the condo was bought AFTER the younger son was admitted. </p>
<p>I’m not seeing what all the excitement is here. On the financial side, the elder brother can simply find someone to take his place in the condo as a sub-lessee and use the rent he receives for his share of the cost of the apartment he’ll live in with his girlfriend. This will leave the parents exactly where they are today when it comes to dollars and cents. The only remaining issue would then be that the younger brother would find himself in a different living situation than he had expected for the next couple of years. But if he gets in involved in picking the new occupant of the condo, that may not be a real problem. As for the possibility that the couple will break up, well, sure they may, and elder brother would then have to find another living arrangement that he could afford with the sub-lessee’s rental payment. So?</p>
<p>I’ve been trying to figure out the problem too, MommaJ because I was seeing it the same way. I loved my sister who was only a year younger than me, but we are very different personalities and would not have roomed well together. Luckily my parents didn’t make us go to the same college or buy us a condo that we had to share. We’re still close but we’ll never, ever share a place! For those who say parents’ money, kids go where they say, when they say, at what point do the kids get to live their lives? Does the older have to plan his graduate schooling around his little brother? How about his first job? Can he leave then? </p>
<p>My interpretation was that both sons got to pick the college of their choice and they both happened to choose the same one. It didn’t sound like anyone was forced into anything (either college or housing arrangement). The older son just changed his mind about where he wanted to live after the deadline to commit had passed. I suspect he would have wanted out even if it were university housing or an apartment with friends. In this case, it’s binding. This is an agreement he made with his landlord (parents) and his roommate (brother). He shouldn’t leave either one of them high and dry just because he wants to live with his gf now. He didn’t just meet her … they were together when he made this plan. If he can’t work out an arrangement that is amenable to ALL parties, he needs to keep his word and abide by it. That’s what responsible, mature people do. Is he planning to go around breaking contracts the rest of his life? What is his word worth? </p>
<p>It looks to me like he’s planning to sublet his space, so that might not be a “breach of contract”. In fact, it seems like he’s trying to BE responsible by not just leaving the room empty. FYI, people break rental agreements, on both sides, all the time. Do a search of previous threads on rentals and you’ll see what I mean. Sometimes life changes and people move on. That doesn’t make them dishonorable. Now, if he cut out in the dead of night and left no forwarding address, you might be onto something. But he’s actually trying to work it out with mom and dad, so I do think a workable solution could be found beyond “Because we said so,”</p>
<p>“what point do the kids get to live their lives? Does the older have to plan his graduate schooling around his little brother? How about his first job? Can he leave then?”</p>
<p>you’re not seriously asking this are you?</p>
<p>The mom is not some control freak. the family discussed this before hand and everyone was fine with it.</p>
<p>Kids get to “live their own lives” when they can fund it themselves. if the older one gets a funded grad school situation then he’s free to do whatever he wants. If he gets a job where he’s self-supporting, he can do whatever he wants.</p>
<p>The parents don’t have to accept a “sublet situation”. It’s their place and many landlords don’t allow sublets because they don’t get to investigate the tenants among other reasons. </p>
<p>I agree with the sentiments that a college relationship is too unstable to trust that “living conditions” will remain solid during the next school year. A mid-year breakup will leave one or both wanting to escape the apt that they rented. </p>
<p>The girl can get her own place (maybe a two bedroom shared with another) and the son can visit as much as she wants him to…even if that’s 24/7. </p>
<p>Either way, the younger son isn’t going to have a buddy-brother at school. He’ll be preoccupied.</p>
<p>My younger son is living in a condo owned by one of the other housemate’s parents. It’s a 3 bedroom with 3 males. The owners’ son has had the same GF for 5 years. She would not be permitted to live there, nor would they fund him to move in with her. if they want to get married, then maybe they would have another opinion. Right now, their rooms are for platonic friends only. </p>