@used123 You’ve received impassive comments and suggestions from several posters. I’m not disagreeing with the legal and ethical considerations of this unfortunate situation. Or with the hindsight questioning of the laptop access. I will say smaller companies I’ve worked for in the past did not have strict policies about the use of personal computers, and from your post it sounds like you were in compliance with your school’s policies.
But I am trying to put myself in your shoes and consider the personal aspects of this equation. Assuming the suspected actions are true, were this one of my kid’s long-time, childhood friends (and she has one in a somewhat similar difficult family situation who we treat as part of our family), I would hold her accountable absolutely but also support her in the difficult next steps. Those would depend on how she reacts to being questioned and her willingness to admit and accept the consequences. I would feel that as a “parent figure” in her life, I need to guide to making wiser decisions but also remain a much-needed support system. I would not feel led to cut her out of our life for those mistakes. Yes, there would be consequences within our family and tremendous loss of trust. And the risk she may decide to terminate the relationship with my daughter and our family. But that would be her decision and not because we were no longer willing to accept her and support her.
I feel for your position. It sounds like you are going through the appropriate steps with Clemson to find out if the letter was ever submitted. Once you know that, take the next steps with your son’s friend and give him the opportunity to do the right thing. (which I believe you’ve already done) I hope he will listen and allow you to guide him through accepting the consequences whatever they may be. Discuss it openly with your son as this is a life lesson for him as well.
I wish you all the best.