<p>Someone with a medical degree would make a better mate than someone with a high school degree, hmmm…we are definitely not on the same page.</p>
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<p>Though YMMV and some marriages with disparate educational backgrounds do work, there can be serious issues if the educational background/interests gap is too large without much/any other shared commonalities in many cases.</p>
<p>One of the worst cases I’ve gotten to see is that of a college classmate with one parent being an academic who enjoys reading highly dense esoteric complex academic journals in areas ranging from philosophy to physics…and understand/engage with the material and feels TV is a complete waste of time and another parent who enjoys reading low-brow reading materials and loves watching sitcoms. </p>
<p>From what the classmate recounted and I gotten to see, there were lots of arguments and an effective internal separation for a dozen plus years as they had issues even being able to communicate on the same wavelength. </p>
<p>I enjoy reading low-brow reading materials and love watching sitcoms. I love The Middle and Modern Family. I read Nicholas Sparks novels. But if someone wants to discuss high finance or big data I can also carry my weight.</p>
<p>Having a giant, expensive piece of jewelry is an achievement?? In what world? Oh, you mean because they have lots of money they must be successful, thus they’re an achiever. Got it-as long as they have money-and lots of it-they’re good. And yet, you say that a person can be good marriage material without top degrees. Which is it? Expensive bling=achiever or good person=marriage material? They do not have to intersect at all. </p>
<p>I really hope I’m misunderstanding you. Lots of people successful at their jobs do not value “things” and are absolutely good marriage material if marriage is what one is looking for). A person could have or afford a dozen big expensive rings and be a vile human being. But you’re right that one does not need a fancy degree, or any degree at all, to be a good person (if that’s what you’re saying). I know some such people myself. But they can’t afford huge diamonds so maybe that would drop them down a few notches.</p>
<p>“Someone with a medical degree would make a better mate than someone with a high school degree”</p>
<p>Right, because that’s a real, actual achievement. Unlike wearing a piece of jewelry that someone gave you.</p>
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<p>I think what oldfort is saying is that being able to AFFORD a large diamond is an “achievement.” It basically says “I have so much money to spare that I can afford to have a purely ornamental item equal to the value of a new car on my finger.”</p>
<p>And yes, I know some here will say a good diamond is an “investment”–but that makes no sense when people are using them as a symbol of a lasting relationship and they have no intention of ever selling them.</p>
<p>No more than using “good education” as a way to judge someone. </p>
<p>If you want to marry someone purely for love then there is no higher love than that, but do not try to use education or career as a benchmark to decide if someone is better marriage material. You would be no better than people who decide to marry someone because they could afford bigger house, car or diamond.</p>
<p>“I think what oldfort is saying is that being able to AFFORD a large diamond is an “achievement.””</p>
<p>But we’re not talking about buying one for yourself. We’re talking about getting one as a gift. And even the person buying it for you might have inherited the money. Where’s the achievement in either case?</p>
<p>“No more than using “good education” as a way to judge someone.”</p>
<p>Again, if you think education is just a proxy for money (either spent on it or earned because of it), we live on different planets.</p>
<p>We have known (personally) several couples where the husband/father was 30 or more years older than the wife. Jym re. your question #450…no, they don’t stay that is…</p>
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<p>But does the expensive status symbol by itself indicate whether it was purchased with an abundance of free cash, or by going into riskily large amounts of debt?</p>
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<p>This scenario makes me think of the Sex and the City episode in which Samantha tried dating “older.” Needless to say, it didn’t work out.</p>
<p>Here are some articles about (among other things) how spending money on experiences rather than things tends to lead to greater happiness:</p>
<p><a href=“Buy Experiences, Not Things - The Atlantic”>Buy Experiences, Not Things - The Atlantic;
<a href=“How Money Buys Happiness: Buy Experiences, Spend on Others, and More Tips”>How Money Buys Happiness: Buy Experiences, Spend on Others, and More Tips;
<a href=“Want To Buy Happiness? Purchase An Experience.”>http://www.forbes.com/sites/hbsworkingknowledge/2013/08/05/want-to-buy-happiness-purchase-an-experience/</a>
<a href=“Can Money Buy Happiness? Here’s What Science Has to Say - WSJ”>http://online.wsj.com/articles/can-money-buy-happiness-heres-what-science-has-to-say-1415569538</a></p>
<p>I know lots of doctors and lawyers who are very, very bad at relationships and are poor "mariage material " despite their achievements. I think we all do. </p>
<p>I think some of you are misunderstanding what oldfort is saying- perhaps deliberately so.</p>
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We are also not talking about getting good education yourself, we are talking about wanting the mate to have good education. And even if the mate with good education might have attained it by parents donating big to the top tier school. Where is the achievement in either case?</p>
<p>"I always thought the term “trophy wife” was a slur against the husband who was so shallow and insecure that he needed a beautiful woman to show off his value to his buddies. </p>
<p>My goal is to have the body of a trophy wife. LOL. </p>
<p>But if experiences bring more happiness than money, does that mean you should forego the big flashy diamond for a big flashy destination wedding? Argghghgh, time to start over! </p>
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<p>Yes, wouldn’t it be fun to be MISTAKEN for a trophy wife? :)</p>
<p>On that note, off to ride my bike for an hour!</p>
<p>Who cares about being a trophy wife or even looking like one! We can have Boy Toys! </p>
<p>A great Frank/Marie exchange from Everybody Loves Raymond:</p>
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<p>Wandered into this minefield. I actually did know someone whose fiancee demanded a diamond of a certain size. A group of us went to their wedding. It was eye-opening for me; I knew and respected the groom in college. He became a doctor while the bride was a pharmacist (IIRC). She demanded at least two carats, clear, perfect, whatever. He could afford the diamond but it took him two years to find a flawless one of suitable quality that would satisfy his bride.</p>
<p>At the wedding reception, the couple made their rounds to all the tables. When the bride came to our table, she stuck her hand out and said “guess how big?” The funny thing is my table <em>knew</em> she would do this. So they said things like “3/4 carat?” “less than 1 carat”. Her reaction was one of indignation but she managed to smile and spit out “over 2 carats! No flaws”. Later the groom got up for what we thought would be a short speech. Instead he began to introduce his friends who were medical doctors, citing their name, specialty, undergrad and medical schools. My cousin was there and unfortunately she is a medical doctor. My table? We breathed a sigh of relief because we knew as engineers, computer geeks, and a lone city planner we were safe from this public humiliation. Sure enough, he skipped over our table. My date who had invited me to the wedding and reception, the sweetest man in the world, turned to me and said “This is disgusting. I don’t really want to stay, do you?” We left. So my take on brides who demand rings of a certain size and the men who marry them? Not so good. </p>
<p>Having a big diamond, like having a medical degree, in itself doesn’t mean a person is bad or shallow or smart or qualifies as a suitable mate. It’s how you present yourself with that diamond or medical degree. </p>