My son (Princeton '22) just called me upon his return from a fall break trip with his a capella group to Vancouver, Canada. He told me something that made me burst out laughing.
After one performance by his group in an auditorium full of mostly Asians, it was followed by a Q/A session. To the group’s surprise, Asian moms were all very eager to direct their questions – not about the music they just performed. Their questions were all about how to get into Princeton. It was quickly evident to my son and his group that the audience didn’t pay for their tickets to come listen to the musical performances.
Recognizing that they were addressing a group of Tiger moms based on the questions, my son for his part felt that his answers to some of the questions could potentially have a harmful impact on their kids. So, he decided to “play” with them. To one question about how much they were studying when they were in middle school, my son answered, “oh, I played outside all the time with friends.” To another mom’s question whether they had ever played video games, my son responded, “yup, I played video games all the time.” So on it went.
My son’s answers weren’t all lies. Let’s just say that they were half truths. His prime concern was, in his words, he “didn’t want the kids being tortured by their moms.”
Maybe next time he can answer truthfully that he would be happy to discuss the performance, or musical opportunities or clubs at Princeton in general, but not other topics.
My son was asked questions like that all of the time when he was at Harvard, both from parents and HS students. He always said that it was a lot of luck, and there are a lot of great schools.
OP, you know you could have published books and give tours about your son’s “successful” journey ?, no worries of lack of interests and/or “world-wide” markets.
Personally know several “tiger moms” who have done that.
But I don’t think it is a phenomenon unique to Asian “moms (and dads)”. DS has multiple friends who complained constantly about their overbearing/controlling tiger moms of Anglo-Saxon heritages.
My son’s “successful” journey is hardly. I don’t consider getting into ANY college necessarily a success story. But a “journey” it is and only the first steps taken thus far into an unknowable future…
I do agree that the “Tiger Mom” phenomenon is not unique to Asians; I’ve seen it all as an Asian-American. I’d have to say, though, this experience of my son in an auditorium full was most unique.
There are many types of people in this world, and one usually has to work with people whose culture and values may differ from your own. I find it best to avoid deception or disparagement in those situations, and refusing to engage is a graceful way out. While I have limited experience with tiger moms, I have lots with football dads, who share many of the same traits
There’s a HUGE difference between “Tiger” and “Tigger.” Tigger = Tiger on the outside, gentle lamb on the inside.
I posted elsewhere a while back about my avatar. It originated as 1) a fond memory of a Christmas gift to my sons when they were toddlers of this “Tigger” toy that, when you press the button, it’d bounce up and down. That was around 15 years ago. 2) My sons’ favorite cartoon growing up? Calvin and Hobbes. 3) A little “dig” on the Tiger Mom phenomenon. When I first read Amy Chua’s “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” I found it totally repulsive, and I resented her for stereotyping Asians in such light. I even wrote my critical review of the book and submitted it to the NY Times. (It didn’t get published.) My son’s reaction in Vancouver had a lot to do with his own personal experience of dealing with the negative consequences of the phenomenon.
I have been in an Canadian auditorium that was filled with Tiger Moms and Dads. It was a presentation by admission reps from several ivy league colleges. One dad asked the question of why they practiced holistic admissions. Rather than answering, the rep called an end to the presentation. That’s when I started to sour on the so-called elite schools.
If you are going to take questions, you should answer them honestly.
@TiggerDad - one vote of amused support for your kid’s sense of humanity.
Besides, it isn’t like anything he said would change anyone in that room’s behavior. Those parents are already on their path.
Someone has to counter all of the half-truths on the other side - that aggressive planning for college in middle school is essential for their children’s success. Comparing the damage done by those half-truths and your son’s? No contest.
Or maybe we could be a little less judgmental about other’s parenting? I am sick to death of the tightrope mothers walk between doing too much or not enough or not the right things, all the while being judged by other parents, or in this case, a college kid. We have no idea what the backstory was to any of the mothers in that room, or what they are facing, but I am pretty sure they are doing the best they can in their circumstances. just like most mothers. So save the childish lies at their expense and next time, just stay quiet if asked questions you do not want to answer.
It’s disrespectful to the performers to attend a concert so you can pick their brains to try to gain an advantage for your child in college admissions. The students didn’t travel to Canada to talk about how much they studied in middle school or how often they played video games.
And a Q&A session with Ivy league adcoms isn’t an invitation to debate their admission policies. If people don’t like their core values, why would they want to apply there?
I agree, @Austin. So the appropriate, mature response to such an inquiry is to deflect it, refuse to engage, or as a prior poster stated, comment on how there are lots of great schools and a large element of luck is involved. Not to engage in some equally disrespectful “play” with parents.
I am sure I am not the only one who wonders if the student would have replied the same way to a Caucasian audience in Chevy Chase, for example, as to Asians in Vancouver.
Now that this group has had this experience, IMO, they should make a pact that they should deal with it next time by refusing to answer those questions and stating that they are there to talk about their music and the music program not admissions related questions. Prepare a one liner and repeat it as needed with nothing else added that is off topic.
S attended a magnet HS frequently considered the top HS in the country (it’s been discussed several times here on cc). I have had several occasions of being cornered at work, at social functions or the grocery store by parents (all races) wanting the “secret” to admissions. My response is that if I had the secret I would have sold it and retired.
The term is deemed “tiger mom” to specifically reference Asian mothers who aggressively fight for there “cubs” to get the best and most for them. “Tigers” are native to Asia.
I hope your son realizes how much of a lottery he hit by even getting into Princeton (or Harvard etc… for that matter) To claim that he “earned it” is a joke. You need a hook and even then it is luck. He should try humility.
