Son's teacher died

Parent Cafe
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<p>S2’s beloved teacher and mentor at Juilliard passed away the day after Christmas, after fighting prostate cancer for 2 years.<br>
[AfriClassical:</a> In Memoriam: Jerome Ashby, Associate Principal Horn, New York Philharmonic, Dec. 26, 2007](<a href=“http://africlassical.blogspot.com/2007/12/in-memoriam-jerome-ashby-associate.html]AfriClassical:”>AfriClassical: In Memoriam: Jerome Ashby, Associate Principal Horn, New York Philharmonic, Dec. 26, 2007)</p>

<p>His health had been up and down over the 2 years, and last January he became critically ill. Another teacher warned my S at that time that Mr. A would never return to teaching. He surprised everyone when he returned to Juilliard 6 weeks later, and returned to the NY Phil this past September. A miracle. This latest downturn seemed to come just a couple weeks before the end of the semester. After so many “false alarms”, I don’t think S2 was prepared for such an abrupt ending. However, just before coming home for Christmas break, S2 was able to travel to his teacher’s home for a lesson, and received a bit of a blessing/benediction from him, so we are thinking he knew this was good-bye.</p>

<p>We were in Florida at the time. We debated trying to get S2 up to NJ for the funeral, but for a variety of reasons decided it wasn’t going to be possible. I’m sorry S2 had to miss it, but am hoping Juilliard will have a memorial service for the students when school starts back.</p>

<p>S2 has just one semester of school left. It is going to be a difficult semester for him, I think. For a musician, the private teacher is nearly everything. I know Juilliard will have other arrangements in place for the rest of the year, and my S is glad he had 3½ years with Mr. A. But his loss will be deeply felt.</p>

2

<p>Binx,
Oh, I am so sorry to read this! I realize this person is the key teacher and mentor for your son in his field. Thankfully, Mr. Ashby rebounded and had that extra time and it worked for your son as he was alive for most of your son’s time at Juilliard. Needless to say, it is a great loss to the music community and your son. I know the last semester will be difficult. But this man’s influence will forever remain with your son. In some ways, looking on the positive side, learning with another teacher can bring something fresh and new and should be fruitful for different reasons than the experience he might have had otherwise. I hope the school arranges a service that students can attend.</p>

3

<p>The loss of a mentor is always difficult, and often can hit harder than the loss of a family member. The physical distance as well may have compounded the effect.</p>

<p>May your son take solace in having been taught by a master of his craft.</p>

<p>My condolences to the Ashby family, and to all who knew and loved him. The world will miss his talent. His music and his students are his legacy.</p>

4

<p>Binx. I am sorry for your sons’ loss. It is an amazing and very personal relationship that develops between a teacher of music and his student. I swear that their very beings flow together in the magic. Your son was blessed to be part of such a union. There is a good chance he will be surprised at the depth of his loss.</p>

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<p>binx
I am so sorry. the mentor relationship is really, indescribable, and so critical to a yound person’s development, and especially for young musicians. I know your son will cherish the memories and the experience that he had with this teacher. Ard his teacher’s influence will live on in your son’s artistry…</p>

6

<p>My sympathies to the Ashby family as well. Binx…your son is so blessed to have worked with this fine musician during his time at Juilliard. I know that there are many “gifts” your son uses daily as he plays his horn. The relationship between student and teacher for musicians is a very special one. No one can ever take away the memories or the craft that Mr. A gave to your son (and the rest of his students and the audiences he played for as well).</p>

7

<p>Oh Binx, I am so sorry to hear this very sad news (notice how all of the music board parents are chiming in here, because we understand!!). It is very hard for a musician to lose a beloved teacher, and even more so in his final year. </p>

<p>I am sure you and your S are grateful for the wonderful years they had together, but it is still a great loss. Will be holding you all, and the Ashby family, in the light…</p>

8

<p>binx,
I am so sorry to hear of Mr. Ashby’s passing. Prayers for his family and for your S , who could not have been prepared for this, since one can never be prepared for such a loss. Mr. Ashby’s influence will continue on with your S’s beautiful musicianship and the playing of countless numbers of his other students.</p>

9

<p>Binx:</p>

<p>Your son rightly feels the tremendous loss of a beloved mentor. Mr. Ashby sounds like a very special person. Later on, your son will remember how blessed he has been to have had Mr. Ashby as his mentor for 31/2 years. But for the moment, my condolences to you and to the Ashby family.</p>

10

<p>That’s very sad, Binx. He was a young man with four kids. As Marite says, your son will cherish his brief time with his mentor after the grief is not so intense. R.I.P.</p>

11

<p>I am very sorry to hear about your son’s personal loss of his teacher. I had read Mr. Ashby’s obituary the other day and was struck by it–he must have been a fine man as well as a fine musician.</p>

12

<p>We really need a cure for Prostate Cancer. Dan Fogelberg and Merv Griffin have also recently died of this disease. I’m so sorry to hear about Mr. Ashby.</p>

13

<p>so sorry for your S, binx. I know how close my D is to her teacher. I know that he is so sad to lose her this year as she goes to college. It’s one of the relationships I personally am going to miss greatly when my D goes to college. It seems that we have gone through so much together, and it will be sad to lose that relationship, I can’t imagine what you S is going through as he is finishing up his studies and preparing for the next phase in his life.</p>

14

<p>Thanks for everyone’s good wishes. Last night the NY Phil (with Joshua Bell) performed on PBS’s “Live from Lincoln Center”. At the end, when they were rolling credits, they ran a simple “In Memory of Jerome Ashby”, which was nice. It was strange to watch the orchestra and not see him, though.</p>

<p>I was thinking about what Allmusic said about the relationship between student and teacher. I suppose that student athletes who choose their school based on a relationship with a coach, or maybe a scholar who chooses a school based upon a 4-year internship with a particular professor might have a similar relationship. Every thing my S has learned about his instrument over that past few years has come from this man. Every decision he makes, from what instrument to buy, to what summer program to attend, what auditions to take, what to plan for the future … they have all been guided by this man. Every time we make a suggestion to S, he runs it past his teacher. We have definitely been usurped. There was a level of trust, respect, and honor that doesn’t easily transfer.</p>

<p>As with most grief situations, there are myriad little ways that it comes back to hit him. He has his senior recital in a month. The date was selected purposely to allow his teacher to attend. His teacher helped him choose the rep. On piece he will be playing he wrote last year for his teacher.</p>

<p>He is working on grad school applications. His teacher’s recommendation is pivotal. He has no idea if the teacher ever wrote and sent the letter. It’s a stupid thing to have to worry about right now, and I’m certain the schools will understand any delay. He will be contacting the schools to see if it was done, and what to do if it wasn’t.</p>

<p>The horn he currently plays was purchased from his teacher two years ago. It was previously owned by Myron Bloom who played it when he was principal in Philly. We were made aware at the time that S was, in a sense, being passed a mantle to wear. I appreciate what many have said here and via PM that Mr. Ashby has given my S a legacy to carry forward.</p>

<p>This particular S is somewhat non-verbal. He is not talking much about this. (To us, at least. I think he’s on the phone quite a bit with classmates.) I know it will hit him hardest when he returns to school, and we won’t be there to help. But that might be better - that he will be surrounded with studio mates who are sharing his feelings. </p>

<p>I’ve always felt that it is what makes his music so profound - he communicates through it rather than through words. I think in particular that his recital is going to be quite emotional.</p>

<p>The horn community is quite close (all over the world). I know his family is going to receive a great deal of comfort knowing how much he was loved and respected by everyone.</p>

15

<p>binx,
My family watched that concert last evening and I did take note of the dedication to Mr. Ashby. I agree that your S will have a very special community to go back to, colleagues who will be able to share in some very special memories. The administrative stuff will work itself out. He just has to have patience, trust, and faith. (I know, easy for me to say!)</p>