<p>My friend and I want to meet up the first week of summer. He lives down in TJ and I live in San Diego and he is willing to come here and pick me up. We go to the same HS. It was going to be just us two (as FRIENDS). So I just asked my mom about it and she said I can go BUT only if there is another girl :(</p>
<p>She believes this stereotype about Spanish guys being “hot-blooded” and she doesn’t want me to be with just this guy. I think she is worried about rape. The thing is I know this guy from my school and we don’t have a “thing” for each other. I don’t think I want to go with any other girl. All the girl mutual friends we have are going to be in Europe. How do I convince my mom to let me go with him? His brother would be with us and his family is respectable. They are both doctorates from prestigious American schools. I’d really like to go to go to see Mexico; not as much to hang out with him. Or is my mom right?</p>
<p>Sorry if I am a bit rambly. I am trying to multi-task.</p>
<p>I’m 16. We want to spend just a day together: probably 7am - late at night. I wouldn’t stay over the night. </p>
<p>I just want to look around at the city and spend some time at his house. He’s to state it simply, rich and has an amazing home. </p>
<p>My mom lets me hang out with boys even if she doesn’t know them. There just usually has to be a girl. She has not met him. I don’t think meeting the boy is a big deal to her. it’s just the idea of me being alone with this boy in a foreign country with a bad record. My dad had met him. She’s of course meet him when he picks me up. (He doesn’t drive though, his older brother does) The brother is a senior in HS.</p>
<p>If it were me, I wouldn’t care if the guy was ‘Spanish’ or not since I think that’s just a stereotype and those attributes certainly don’t apply to all Mexicans. I would however, have concerns about a 16 y/o girl heading to TJ all day and most of the night with any guy. TJ’s not exactly the safest place, especially lately, and I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. </p>
<p>Maybe you can ease into this a bit. Try having the boy first meet your parents and do some things with him in your area. After that, maybe you can see if they’ll let you head to TJ with him and his brother for a day with the condition that you’ll be back home before dark. You can then tell your parents more about his family, home, how he and his brother treated you, etc. Maybe after that your parents would feel more comfortable.</p>
<p>That sounds like a good plan. I talk about him a lot because we are both involved in many of the same ECs at school and classes. My mom just hasn’t met him. I’ll try it :)</p>
<p>I’m with ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad. I’m not so concerned about the safety in TJ issue, but I wouldn’t let my kid go for that kind of trip (even day trip) with a friend I’d never met. </p>
<p>And I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with my 16-year old partaking in the night life of TJ (or lots of other cities), so a trip that started at 7 am and had you back around 7-8pm might make a lot more sense (It will take you a couple of hours to come back over the border, so your day in TJ would end around 5 or so; or if he has the SENTRI pass and you walk across, maybe less).</p>
<p>My parents would not be down for that and Im about to go to college (lol in San Diego) its weird finding out your parents prejudices isnt it? I agree with jmmom, try to comprimise. Not that it matters but Im trying to see if I understand correctly, are you buliding some part of your case with the fact that he is Spanish and not Mexican?</p>
<p>Also if he is from a traditional Latin family, as a young lady, if you do want to look respectable to his parents, you will want to bring another person with you (best case scenerio a cousin or sibling)</p>
<p>Actually, I think the main overriding issue should be safety. Border towns are having an unprecedented level of violence right now. Here in Texas, most Americans are avoiding towns that have traditionally been tourist havens due to Gulf Cartel/MS13/Zeta conflicts. I believe the same is true along the entire border. </p>
<p>As far as the stereotyping of Hispanic males by your parents, that is disappointing. You’ll probably not change their mindset though. But as an Anglo who was born and raised in a border town, I can say tdanielle makes a valid point. Prejudices are a two-way street. This boy’s family will likely question the appropriateness of a 16 year old girl being allowed to travel across the border without a family member or adult. They’ll likely chalk it up to cultural differences, but still will think poorly of your parents for allowing the trip.</p>
<p>In addition, if you were to meet the boy’s family on the trip that you’re planning they’d assume that you were a sexually free American with lax parents, not someone the parents would want to be friends with their son. If the trip doesn’t include your meeting his family, I’d guess that the reason would be that the boy assumed you were a loose American, and he wouldn’t want his family to meet such a person, though he might be delighted to have fun with you. His idea of fun may not be yours.</p>
<p>Hispanics in general tend to be very close to their families, and they also socialize across generations.</p>
<p>It actually would be appropriate for you and your parents to go meet the boy.</p>
<p>I would not be allowing my high school aged student to meet someone in a different city (and certainly not another country) whom I didn’t know unless it was some kind of chaperoned school event. Incidentally, I have sons.</p>
<p>Why not have him come over and meet your family?</p>
<p>I know that this question is going to sound picky, but I’m a Spanish major so please forgive me. Is the boy Spanish or Mexican? (It’s not clear to me.) Spanish people are from Spain, and Mexicans are obviously from Mexico.</p>
<p>I believe she’s using the term “Spanish” meaning “Latin” or “Hispanic”. Not everybody understands the difference.</p>
<p>As for the stereotyping, you can’t have it both ways. If you believe the part about Hispanic males being close to family, then I guess the part about being hot blooded would also have to be believed. If you think hot blooded is an unfair stereotype then so is the other. Either way, I wouldn’t want my underage daughter leaving the state, let alone the country, without a responsible adult. Regardless of the nationality of her travelling companion.</p>
<p>I have good friends in several cities in northern and central Mexico. They are all upper-middle class, and they would all think it odd that a 16-year-old girl would come alone to spend the day as described without the parents having met first. That really is not a stereotype, but rather an accurate picture of cultural values. The last time I visited, one family had a 16-year-old girl, and my 16-year-old daughter was with me. The girl included D in several social gatherings, and I was always invited to go along when the girls were driven to the party or dinner, so that I could go in and meet the parents. It really seemed to be expected. By the way, this family did allow their daughter to go to clubs, but always in the company of an older brother or uncle.</p>
<p>Thank you Renee! One of my friends, laurita (who is Hispanic), has her tio (uncle) or one of her guy-cousins with her almost whereever we go (mall, movies, dinner, anywhere but school bascially) but they are cool (lol if a little protective of us both) but since are in the United States and my family does not enforce such rules, itll often be her and I and her tio…but if I am going to her house for a party or bbq I bring a male relative because I am a respectable young woman and since it is there house I will follow their customs.</p>