<p>A finding love question!
DD didn’t date in HS or college. She lived at home for 2 years and had none then. We were worried! Then she moved out, She just told us that she has been dating, just never wanted to talk about it, even with friends. Says she hasn’t dated anyone for more than a few times. She was recently fixed up with a friend of a friend and they’ve seen each other 4 or 5 times. She likes him, enjoys spending time with him, they have much in common, similar outlook, sense of humor. She says the problem is that she doesn’t feel sparks. He wants to introduce her to his friends. She did feel sparks for someone else but it didn’t go anywhere. I’m not sure I felt a lot of sparks for her dad and we’ve been married forever.
So wise parents, are butterflies required?</p>
<p>Why can’t she spend time with him without it?
Theyve gone out 4 or 5 times, surely he isn’t expecting her to make a permanent commitment.
Lots of people become friends first, then fall in love.</p>
<p>I would be upfront that I wanted to take it slow, and didnt want to be exclusive however, just to prevent misunderstandings.</p>
<p>Like the idea to take it slow and to be upfront about it if that’s what she wants to do.
I believe sparks can materialize over time.</p>
<p>My DH and I were introduced via friends at “advanced” ages of 24 and 28.
NO sparks at all at first, just ALOT of getting to know each other as friends for several months.
We’ve been happy (with sparks!) For over 30 years. Can happen.</p>
<p>Our 20s son is taking the slow road too, must be genetic!</p>
<p>I couldn’t even stand my husband for the first few months I knew him and actually complained about him to my mother. He was persistent. Eventually he created some sparks. Still does.</p>
<p>I wonder if she believes that sparks are required because of all those “rom-com” movies? Sicne she’s probably a few years behind her peers in the dating world, she should take her time and get to know people before assuming sparks and butterflies are instant and people live happily ever after. I think MOST of us realized it’s about the whole person and got to know them a bit before deciding whether to continue dating them. IMO sparks come when you LOVE the person and they love you back, not when you first meet. But it’s really up to her to decide how to learn to date and find someone she clicks with. </p>
<p>^ agree w/ sseamom.</p>
<p>Do you mean she’s not sexually attracted to him? Or just he doesn’t make her nervous? </p>
<p>If she’s attracted but not nervous, so what? If she doesn’t want to kiss him or something like that, that might be unfair to the guy. </p>
<p>Does she have enough experience to know the difference? </p>
<p>I agree with sseamom as well.</p>
<p>As for kissing him, I think what sseamom said applies there as well. Personally, I wouldn’t want to kiss someone I barely knew either - that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to in the future, once I really got to know him as a person.</p>
<p>I met DH when I was 18 no sparks on my end at first. We started dating at 20. We’ve been together for 32 years. So she shouldn’t worrying about it just yet. Tell her to give it time. Some of the best marriages that I know of are with people that were friends first. That instant attraction thing can wear out quick and then what are you left with?</p>
<p>I’m just throwing this out there, but is there any chance she’s gay, but not ready to talk about it? So mentioning “I’ve dated a few guys but didn’t want to tell you” could be to deflect the idea. Just a thought.</p>
<p>My D is just starting to date a guy who she has just been “best friends” with for 2 years but who is now giving her major sparks (he liked her from the get go and has been waiting patiently for her to come around). We shall see…,</p>
<p>Four or five dates is nothing. Especially if she hasn’t dated much. You might be adding to the pressure of her having to “find” sparks, by knowing you’re going to ask. </p>
<p>Make sure you’re not putting pressure or asking too many questions. Give her her space to date or not date. And to figure out her sexuality in her own good time - with whoever!!! </p>
<p>Thank you for all your feedback. I haven’t been asking questions - because I didn’t want to put any pressure on her, which is why I had no idea that she dated at all until she said something. I did ask last weekend if she wanted me to mention it or not. She said yes, that she needs to learn to talk about things. Not gay, although we are about as gay-friendly as you could get and it wouldn’t have been a terrible thing!</p>
<p>There were no sparks initially with most of my BFs–we were good friends and then eventually fell in love. Same with my relationship with H. I agree she needs to give it time and be up front with the guy that she wants to take things slow and enjoy being friends to see how things evolve.</p>
<p>Our D turned down dates in CC because she didn’t want to encourage the guy. Don’t believe she has dated since but am not positive. She has been busy and had friendships but not particularly interested in romance right now. If she does start dating, we hope she will let us know. She has had lots of male buddies but so far is focused on getting her health back and career going.</p>