<p>I am on facebook under my maiden name so that I can keep up with my many relatives and see photos of their children. Sometimes I see things that strike me as unsafe, but I hesitate to say anything because I know that I’m obsessive. Two examples: A relative whom I barely know (a cousin’s daughter - I’m very close to the cousin but hardly ever see her daughter) has an infant. Lots of adorable photos. The last one had the baby lying in a pile of leaves, with a few artfully strewn over her. What do I think of? Ticks! They can hide in leaves. I worry about one getting on the baby and giving her Lyme disease. I restrained myself from saying anything. I am sure the baby is bathed every day and they would see anything attached to her. Today my brother’s wife posted a photo of her pre-school daughter sitting in the back of the car. No booster seat. Sitting slouched over so that the lap part of the seat belt is going over her abdomen. Seat belts should be low and tight over the hips. Say something or don’t say something?</p>
<p>They usually aren’t. Some years ago I saw DS’s friend (around 12 years old) riding his bike on a busy street, without a helmet, weaving in and out of the traffic. I felt compelled to tell his mother, even though I knew she wouldn’t appreciate it. And she didn’t, she was clearly annoyed. But I felt that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try.</p>
<p>I feel for you. I’m in a similar situation with relatives that I see on a regular basis, and there’s not much left of my tongue! There’s a generation gap, and of course the younger generation thinks they know better. Which shouldn’t be surprising since I reacted the same way when the older generation tried to tell me I might be doing something wrong.</p>
<p>I had a similar situation a few months ago after my mom saw a video of her great grandson (approx 7 months old) with an amber bead necklace on. She was beside herself - even after she talked to my sister (baby’s grandmother) and my sister said she already told her daughter it was dangerous and what was she thinking. I told my mom to leave it be - but she didn’t listen. She called and emailed and eventually my niece told her she’d take off the necklace. But she only told her to appease her. </p>
<p>My sister takes it off every time baby is alone with her and is trying to figure out a way for it to mysteriously get lost. </p>
<p>The necklace is worse than anything I posted (except the bike riding thing)! I did see a 10-year-old relative recently with a loose cord-like thing around his neck - I said something, and he showed me that it had a release, so it came apart if pulled at all.</p>
<p>I vote for biting your tongue, very hard. Like you, this sort of thing really bothers me. A lot. I do my best (not always successful) to only give unsolicited advice to my sisters. Occasionally they even ask for it. Otherwise I tell myself that I can’t protect children from parents who aren’t as safety obsessive as I am, because I can’t be there all the time looking over their shoulders.</p>
<p>My brother and SIL, whose daughter was not in a booster seat, have a 4-yo and a 5-yo, both adopted after years of infertility. They are completely devoted to these kids, who are incredibly cute and very sweet. I adore them. I don’t understand how very child-centered parents miss such a basic safety issue. And they regularly take long car trips.</p>
<p>^^ This couple actually moved to another country for a few years in order to have affordable IVF. Before the older one was adopted, another adoption fell through at the last minute and they were devastated. These kids did not just drop into their laps. Usually this is a recipe for over-protectiveness. </p>
<p>well I guess you could kind of try to casually attempt to slip into the conversation some question about what the current recommended guidelines are for booster seats, car seats and talk about what they were back in the day for your kids?</p>
<p>adding: I would probably just call my brother and tell him those pictures were freaking me out. I would not tell my sister-in-law. My sisters, i would scold. My cousins, lip zipped and biting tongue.</p>
<p>In these cases, I would not offer unsolicited advice. If the situation were a bit different, there may be a way to say something. For example, if you were with the young mother while she was taking photos of young child in the leaves, you could say you are worried about the risk of ticks. If you were in the car with the relative and the child was not strapped in correctly, you could say you are concerned about how the child is strapped in. But just seeing some photos online, I would not volunteer advice.</p>
<p>With regards to the leaves/ticks that did not even cross my mind as a possible safety issue. But with the car seats, can you somehow delicately ask (as suggested above) what the age/weight requirements are in the state where they live? Assuming they live in a different state from you? “Wow. You guys must not need car seats. Around here, kids need to be in a booster at least until age 7 [or whatever].”</p>
<p>Why is an amber bead necklace dangerous? Are the beads a choking hazard (although I’d assume they’re too small)? Or are you thinking strangulation? Or is it the amber? What am I missing here? </p>
<p>And yes, I would speak up about dead leaves and ticks. And the car safety issue. </p>
<p>Or maybe the toddler wanted to “be a big girl” and mom took her picture in the ill fitting car seat because it was cute, and then they had a conversation about how car seats are better for her until she grows. (I’m presuming mom wasn’t driving at the time she took the photo?)</p>
<p>And I respectfully think you’re overreacting about the leaves.</p>
<p>Wow, not one of these scenarios would have caused me to even blink. I never look at pictures and see anything besides the people in them. I remember all the fuss over Michael Jackson holding his son on that balcony and had to go back and look at the picture again to see what I missed.</p>
<p>I, my kids, nieces, nephews, future grandkids, dogs, and second cousins will play in the leaves all we want, thank you. And that’s probably the response you’ll get if you speak up.</p>
<p>I almost didn’t put a seat belt on the baby seat when my daughter was younger than 15 months. Luckily she pulled on the strap and reminded me. She didn’t speak yet, but she was pretty smart. I was somewhat absent minded.</p>
<p>I would say something about the car seat issue, but it would be referenced to my work-Peds ER nurse. Liver and spleen injuries can cause pretty significant internal bleeding -->shock -->death.</p>