SPEED GRADE this essay

<p>I mean it, guys. Take no more than 1-1.5 minutes to read this and give me a score. I'd like to see what i'd get if an actual SAT grader was reading this</p>

<p>Prompt: Can success be disastrous?</p>

<p>Success oftentimes ends in disaster. Although some say that successes are the fruit of one's labor, these "fruit" are most often rotten and inedible. Evidence of this is shown through literature, history, and personal experience. </p>

<p>The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck, is a novel about a family during the great depression heading west to california in hope of new job opportunities. The Joad family pack up their possessions and brave the long and arduous journey in the wheelbarrow that they call a truck. However, when they reach California, they realize that there are no jobs. Their success in reaching california ended disastrously, leaving the Joads without food, shelter, or even a means of returning to their old home in the Dust Bowl. </p>

<p>A success during WWII also ended in a failure. In the middle of WWII, Russia, the US, and other European countries were discussing the prospect of D-Day, the invasion of Europe to liberate it from the grasp of Nazi Germany. Russia wanted D-Day ASAP, to open up a second front of battle so as to reduce Russian casualties. The US+Europe, however, devised a plan to delay D-Day for over a year so that Russia would suffer the might of the German military alone. The plan succeeded, but once the war was won the US and Russia settled into an era of open hostility: the cold war.</p>

<p>Personal experience holds the final example for failure in success. A year ago, I started using a site called winprizes.com, (made up, guys.) where you do surveys for points, which you ultimately exchange for prizes. After 6 months of survey filling, I finally had enough points for my prize. However, not only did i never get my prize, the whole thing was a phishing scam and i lost of $200 to an identity theif. </p>

<p>As shown through Literature, History, and Personal Experience, success more often ends in failure than not. Having goals in life is always a good thing, but is it always a good thing when one achieves those goals?</p>

<p>Now a few questions about the essay that are unrelated to this essay:</p>

<li><p>is it ok to use shorthand (w/, w/o, Lit instead of Literature, etc...)</p></li>
<li><p>What examples would you use for this prompt? I was going to do this one, but i sat there for 10 minutes and couldn't think of one example...</p></li>

<p>Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>Speed graded, I'd give it a 3 (out of 6).</p>

<p>In response to your questions,</p>

<li><p>do NOT use shorthand</p></li>
<li><p>for that prompt, I would use Col. Cathcart or generally any other character from Catch-22. You could also cite Lost, lol. And as always, good ol' Great Gatsby (you can use that book in just about every prompt, btw).</p></li>

<p>a 3 seems a bit low... i mean my first essay ways complete crap and people here gave me 8/12, which is a 4.</p>

<p>Oh! my apologies. In my haste I misread some key parts of your essay, so I thought the 1st and 2nd examples were weak. I'd actually give it a 4.</p>

<p>haha, ironic: this can't be helping you if you want me to speed read it then I go back and read it again, but alas, I do what I can :D</p>

<p>maybe i should stop asking people to speed read... SAT graders have probably had practice speed reading and while most CCers probably havn't</p>

<p>but while we're on the subject, what made you dock 2/6 points?</p>

<p>your essay's content is good, however elements like transition and flow are lacking. the organization is good, but you could improve the way you move between ideas. also, as i said, do not use abbreviations if at all possible. finally, the last example seems weak. you could elaborate more, i.e. what did you learn from this experience?</p>

<p>certainly not a bad essay though.</p>

<p>why would i say what i learned from the experience if the experience is used to support the claim that "success leads to failure"? </p>

<p>and where did you hear that you shouldn't use abbreviations? i don't really get why graders would really care as long as you get the point across.</p>

<p>anything you can include to further develop your point is always beneficial. plus, stating what you learned, and by extension how you applied that knowledge, can lead you into more meditation on whether or not success leads to failure. graders love some philosophical ruminating, as those are the kind of issues the SAT essay leads you to address.</p>

<p>also, the essay is your chance to prove that you can develop, maintain, and express a point in standard english. style and form are just as important as content and argument.</p>

<p>7 or 8 out of 12.
-your introduction doesn't catch my attention
-good examples, but you don't fully use it to support your essay.
-I don't think ending with a question is a good thing, it leaves a cliff hanger for the reader. Remember you are trying to answer the question, not ask another.</p>

<p>1 </p>

<p>I believe i took .5 seconds. Your essay was pathetic, i didn't understand a thing you wrote.</p>

<p>Well, your examples seem suitable with the topic. But I don't think you have a good thesis in each paragraph. Overall, you've only listed the examples, not involved in them ( except the conclusion ).
Another thing : We didn't have Russia at that time, It was USSR</p>

<p>I give it 7 over 12</p>

<p>Stephen, could you explain what you mean by a good thesis in each paragraph?</p>

<p>Just like "A success during WWII also ended in a failure " and "Personal experience holds the final example for failure in success". It's not bad in idea, but a little bit prosaic to be a thesis ( imo ). You could do it better
But overall, you did a fine job. I myself can't even get an example about this ridiculous prompt in 15 minutes . lol</p>

<p>i'd give it a 4.</p>

<p>the first two examples were interesting. a bit short. </p>

<p>i wouldn't end on a question, cause you're supposed to be answering the question. dont start a new one. </p>

<p>but yeah... is the personal experience true?? that suckss</p>

<p>no ptoncollege, the personal experience isn't true. That's why i put "(made up guys)" when i introduced the example :P</p>