<p>x-posted with thumper</p>
<p>I wouldn’t mention not allowing him to access to this car at all right now because it’s not an issue. That will feel punitive and keep him from opening up. I’d stick with you are the owner of the car and could face implications if this isn’t handled properly.</p>
<p>“He drives my car and I pay his insurance costs. He has had one small accident previously. He does not have much money, and we are not wealthy enough that we don’t notice insurance spikes.”</p>
<p>If he doesn’t want to tell you, he can buy his own car and insure it himself. Otherwise, full disclosure is necessary. </p>
<p>Did he get a DUI? That would trigger a “must appear.”</p>
<p>Both of my sons have had speeding tickets. In both cases. lawyers were hired and appeared in court on sons’ behalf. Both got the tickets reduced. The cost of the lawyer was well worth it. Insurance (that we paid) did not increase.</p>
<p>I think your son needs a lawyer.</p>
<p>According to the link in #10 above you must appear if:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Because the cop checked “must appear”, it would likely to be the second reason and hopefully not the third. I checked the NJ Statewide Violation Schedule and the only “speeding ticket” for which personal appearance is required is speeding in excess of 40 MPH over the posted limit. See [About</a> Municipal Courts](<a href=“http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/mcs/svbs_9-04/9-04_index.htm]About”>http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/mcs/svbs_9-04/9-04_index.htm) for a list of the violations that can be mailed in. That’s some serious motoring (and is probably why he won’t talk about it). It’s possible that it is a different violation, but I didn’t see a likely one. Good luck.</p>
<p>Looks like “must appear” is more serious in NJ. </p>
<p>I would demand answers.</p>
<p>I guess I’m in the minority. You’ve got a good kid with few problems who got a speeding ticket. I know few people who haven’t. Now you want to make a mountain out of a molehill and demand answers and get involved? I vote let him handle it, but gently explain the consequences. If he can handle the cost of the ticket and the increase in insurance, then let him. There’s a reason he doesn’t want to share things with you and an overreaction might be it.</p>
<p>This is not life threatening. Let him handle it.</p>
<p>3bm: but you are assuming the conclusion, ie that the kid was only speeding a bit, wasn’t drinking and driving, wasn’t cited for driving to endanger, etc. </p>
<p>The OP will have problems if her kid wrecks her car, hits one one going 40 mph over he speed limit, or gets into an accident while drunk. I see no reason why she should lose her life savings because her kid doesn’t know how to drive like a normal person. If he was needed driving reasonably, albeit over the speed limit, then he needs to tell her that. His silence indicates that this is a Big Deal, not a run of the mill 10 mph over speeding ticket.</p>
<p>I’d want to make sure that it wasn’t a speeding ticket deemed as reckless driving, which is a misdemeanor in some states. If it’s your car, it is ultimately your responsibility and he needs to be upfront about it. It sounds like he might have missed his appearance date already if the ticket was from the summer.</p>
<p>Most auto insurance is maxed out at $100,000/$300,000; many cases involving severe personal injury (paralysis, loss of limbs, burns) or death settle or result in jury verdicts in the range of millions of dollars. </p>
<p>If the kid continues to drive the OP’s car, she is looking at potentially losing her entire life savings and her home. “My beautiful daughter was killed, and my other daughter is going to spend her life in a wheelchair, because THIS man was going 50 mph over the speed limit” means “kiss your financial future, your home, and your earnings good-bye.”</p>
<p>If he wants to drive his own car, registered to him at his own home, and insured by him, then he can call the shots. But if he is driving her car recklessly, he is endangering her financial future, which is absolutely her business. </p>
<p>If it were my kid, it would be simple. An explanation of the above, plus “You have 24 hours to fax me a copy of the ticket, summons, and any police report. If you do not do so, you have until December to figure out where to live, since you’re not coming back here and you’re not getting spring semester tuition. I’m not going to let this family get flushed down the toilet because you are driving like an a-hole and risking everything we’ve worked for.”</p>
<p>
I hope the sons paid the attorney costs…did they?</p>
<p>If I can get in touch with son today I am going to put significant pressure on him to hire attorney. Ticket is for speeding with careless driving tacked on. Attorney will likely be 1,000 and yes I expect him to pay. A’s someone said in on of these threads… Kids don’t know what they don’t know. I’m sure he doesn’t realize getting all the points associated with ticket will basically make him too high a risk for insurance. Until this he had a clean record… Hopefully that will work in his favor.</p>
<p>He is now in the hands of an attorney… He realizes it’s more complicated than he thought.</p>
<p>Back to the regularly scheduled show… Getting my younger son into college.
Thanks everyone</p>
<p>I’m the one who said kids don’t know what they don’t know. My ds got into some trouble his freshman year, and I am so happy he called me right away to say, “Mom, I screwed up.” He got a local lawyer and got everything handled – with my advice and the advice of people on cc, of course! He knew my first priority was in helping him and keeping damage to a limit. I hope this gets resolved as painlessly as possible …</p>
<p>Now, about future use of the car … ;)</p>
<p>Hope it all works out. Hopefully the lawyer will be a good resource as in poster #2’s case. Sometimes it’s really good to have someone who really knows the ropes on your team.</p>
<p>thumper, we used a lawyer because we also wondered what we didn’t know we didn’t know. This was in a state 1,000 miles away, and ds thought it was worth the money to cross the t’s and dot the i’s. I’m sure he could have handled this misdemeanor himself, but he was willing to pay to make sure nothing fell through the cracks.</p>
<p>OP here. Attorney was hired, and my son’s ticket was lowered from 7 points to 2 points (what the attorney predicted), and he had to pay a hefty fine (actually higher than I expected, but I’m not sure of the exact amount). Quite the expensive lesson for him, with overall cost well over $1000. I don’t know what impact this will have on our insurance, but I’m sure it won’t go down :(</p>
<p>Glad to hear it’s resolved. Yep, expensive lesson indeed.</p>