<p>I have a different thread going about this issue, but in this one I’m looking for advice on how to handle my child.
He got a speeding ticket in New Jersey, which is out of state for us, and won’t tell me how fast he was going. He wants to be “responsible for it” and not have me involved. This is typical for him… He doesn’t tell much about whats going on in his life whether its good or bad. I assume he will pay the ticket cost, and he is not inclined to go to court or hire an attorney. He drives my car and I pay his insurance costs. He has had one small accident previously. He does not have much money, and we are not wealthy enough that we don’t notice insurance spikes.
Should I keep trying to get information from him? One part of me says “stuff happens” and I shouldn’t make that big a deal of this. He is trying to work his way through the system, hasn’t asked for help, and I didn’t find out about it from him. Another part of me says I should tell him if he doesn’t tell me all about it I should cancel him from my insurance and not provide him a car. (but I realize that will likely mean he will not work during the summer… Because he has no car - not saying I agree with that logic but would bet that will be his attitude).
He has never been in much trouble and is doing acceptably well in college.</p>
<p>“Nuff said”…let him pay whatever and take care of it.
BUT tell him (if you get any inkling that there is more to the straight speeding story than is being told) that keeping tickets (or other additional charges) off your record is VERY important for insurance purposes and can be worth the hassle at times even if you don’t realize it at the moment and he may not realize the full impact of admitting to a charge. Cheaper to tell you and get advice than just pay the consequences.
If you’re paying the insurance, you deserve the full story.</p>
<p>I am definitely paying the insurance… For now anyway. I may tell him he has to pay the amount it goes up, but he doesn’t have much money. I’ve already been telling him he should get a job at school, but so far he hasn’t.</p>
<p>My D got a speeding ticket in the town where she went to college last year. She went to court, pled her case, paid the (reduced) fine, learned a life lesson. (I pay her insurance costs also.)</p>
<p>But she told us about the problem, unlike your son…the silence is more of a concern for me than the speeding ticket. Is he afraid you will overreact (threats of cancelling him from the insurance for instance…)?</p>
<p>It’s YOUR car? The condition of continued use of the car is that he come clean with you…in my opinion. Otherwise, take the car back.</p>
<p>He SHOULD pay for legal representation and any increase to your insurance. You mention he is a teen, male driver? they cost a bundle to insure without points. Guaranteed, this is going to be an issue if not handled well.</p>
<p>If he is under 18, and it’s your car, I would think you have every right to be involved.</p>
<p>Agree with poster on your other thread. If he doesn’t tell you the issue, take him OFF your insurance. I would add, and do NOT let him use that car.</p>
<p>In some states, speeding above a certain percentage of the posted limit triggers a reckless driving charge, which is a whole 'nuther ball game. </p>
<p>If it were my kid, I’d insist on knowing the facts, since the insurance is in my name. Have already had the chat about how since he is on our insurance, his actions affect us if he gets into an accident/is sued. He hasn’t had any moving violations, just one traffic light camera (went through the red by .31 second).</p>
<p>I’m not a lawyer, and I am not sure of the laws…but really…do you want to risk a situation where your family could bear some liability because of a driving issue?</p>
<p>The kid has made a mistake, but he needs to understand the ramifications of a serious traffic citation. It’s not just paying a fine and being done with it. This could affect his driving record for a number of years, and your insurance (plus his ability to,get an individual plan) for years.</p>
<p>He needs a lawyer. Summons says “must appear”. There is a reason for this. Otherwise, he could just mail in his fine and be done with it.</p>
<p>As long as it is your car and you pay the insurance, I would insist on knowing the details. If it ends up being a standard speeding ticket I would let it go as long as he pays all costs, including any increase in insurance premiums. Tell him that if he were to ignore the ticket, your car could be impounded (probably not likely but possible) so you deserve to know the details to make sure it is taken care of. I would also insist on seeing any receipts or other paperwork showing that it is taken care of.</p>
<p>Our son got a speeding ticket (86 in a 50 zone) 2 weeks before he turned 18. I was so upset, more at the danger involved than anything. I got involved partly because of his age, and partly because of the excessive speed involved- I was concerned the charges might become elevated. We did meet with an attorney (free consultation) and he advised us to try to pay the ticket immediately and see what happened (this was only 3 days later so my son had not received anything in the mail yet.) While it was a costly ticket, the courts let him pay the ticket at their payment window, without any court appearance. He also paid for traffic school to prevent points on his record. I was actually a bit disappointed- I thought that he would at least have to appear before a judge and maybe that would be traumatic enough to really scare him. I had him withdraw the money from his account and pay the fine in cash in hopes that would be more traumatic than just handing over his debit card. The Courts just didn’t act like it was a big deal. To top it off, the on-line traffic school which is supposedly an 8-hour course, took him about 30 minutes. I made him take a local teen driver course presented by our police department. I also made him go to a brain injury support group to see what the results of his actions might have been. I think that had the biggest impact of all as several young adults attend who have had auto and bike accidents. </p>
<p>I haven’t read your other thread so I’m at a disadvantage, but we had two driving rules – if you get a ticket, you pay the costs, including increased insurance costs, and you lose the car for a month.</p>
<p>If you pay for the car and the insurance, I absolutely would insist on knowing the exact details because kids don’t know what they don’t know. Another poster said something about how he must appear in court … is that true? If so, that makes me think there’s something more than just a simple speeding charge.</p>
<p>ETA: Does he need the car at college? Neither of my kids have one at their schools.</p>
<p>We are in California. The Officer checked the “must appear in court” box on my son’s ticket also. He did not have to appear and like I said was able to pay at the payment window without going to Court. I’m sure this varies by state.</p>
<p>You need to find out why your son MUST appear. Is it because he neglected to pay his fine by a certain date? Did he ignore previous mailings about this citation? Or is it because this is a significant MPH over the speed limit.</p>
<p>I’m sorry…I guess I’m the meanest mom on the planet. You do NOT mention your son’s NEED for a car while in college. That being the case, if he doesn’t come clean…if it were me, I’d buy a one way plane ticket and drive the car home. It’s a long time until summer job time. Perhaps a semester or two without a car is in order now…with the idea that the car can be used responsibly for his summer job.</p>
<p>My son doesn’t have a need for a car at college, and does not have one. If he had a job at school I might let him take a car.
He received the ticket over the summer. My son received an ad from and attorney in the mail so I asked him what was up with that. After a couple of hours and multiple texts/calls he told me it was a speeding ticket. I’m guessing it was for going pretty fast or he would have told me the speed already.</p>
<p>I missed that it was last summer. Question to ask…did he have a payment date he MISSED on his ticket? </p>
<p>I will add, my DH got a speeding ticket in NJ a couple of years ago. Right on the ticket, it gave a payment due date, and the amount, and where to mail the payment. He did so IMMEDIATELY when he got home (we are not in NJ either). That was the end of the story for him. Our insurance rates didn’t change…nothing else… He was going 10 miles above the speed limit.</p>
<p>It seems to me, that being the owner of the car, and the insurance owner as well, that you should get some answers before you allow this young man to drive one of your cars again. Well…that’s what I would expect here anyway.</p>
<p>You don’t have to be angry or accusatory. just matter of fact…“DS, we own this car and insure it. Until we have the details of this citation, we can not allow you to drive any of our cars”.</p>
<p>No need to restrict the car right now as he doesn’t have one. It stinks that y’all didn’t have this talk beforehand, but I still think it’s fair to ask him to pay all associated costs with this ticket – fines, insurance, etc.</p>
<p>I would insist on full disclosure from him. You HOPE he’s taking care of this well, but he may not be and this is one instance where he needs to just man up, swallow his pride and take your advice/wisdom. I don’t know, obviously, your relationship, but you need to remain calm and not yell at him about it. And least not yet, lol! Let him know that he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and you need to make sure this doesn’t become a bigger deal than it needs to be.</p>
<p>We’ve each had a ticket in my (California) household. In each case, “must appear” was checked, but if you read the fine print, it said that you could pay the fine in lieu of appearing. We each did, and took traffic school.</p>
<p>As soon as our son was 18, we put his car in his name, to create more of a buffer between him and us liability-wise. We continued to pay his insurance, and we still do five years later. As he gets on his feet financially, the insurances (health and auto) will be the last things we transfer over to him, as they are so important.</p>
<p>He paid his own ticket, but was not secretive about the circumstances. If the car was in my name, I would definitely demand to know, as the effects could spill onto the parent.</p>