My friend group only does birthdays at one restaurant, but we may go to another restaurant on other occasions. Everything eventually balances out.
I appreciate all the comments regarding being the “light” consumer at a group dinner. I guess it’s hard to explain but, unless it’s really out of whack which can happen if everyone else orders a cocktail (wow–those can be so expensive!) and two courses and I have just one and no beverage, I just accept it as part of what happens. It would be very socially awkward to do otherwise.
Maybe it’s the regional thing, but, up until I became friends with a small group over the last year, no one I or we went out with didn’t split the bill evenly. All the couples we go out with as well as the various all women groups I socialize with do; it’s just the norm.
When it’s within my control, I encourage bringing in food and eating at one person’s house. Every now and then, I order an expensive entree that I wouldn’t normally order. But, I’m generally watching my consumption of food and calories and I’d really just be spiting myself if I ordered more food. Doesn’t help me but glad I’m in the minority here on CC.
@lookingforward, one thing that has happened in my outings, at times, is someone will have an earlier commitment but meet up with the dining group for dessert/coffee. Could you do that now and again, and then just throw in an amount to cover your part? That way you could have some social time, find out about the next adventure, and save a little money.
My dinner update: I had a great time tonight. These folks care about each other. It was actually refreshing to see them and catch up.
I don’t want to derail this thread, but the issue is as much about the eating as the cost. (We go to great places and this one is one of the best.) And I was able to be sensible. My Feb Freeze is as much about cooling down the eating, reaching an important goal. I brought home enough leftovers to last a few days, lol.
Thanks for the support. My dinner group was forged by fire, so to say. But the ideas you all shared helped me find my own resolve (and enjoy it.) >:D<
@lookingforward You seem to really enjoy the meetings and the support you give each other. That has a value of it’s own. Cheaper than therapy, right? 
Glad you had a good time and good people in your life.
re: splitting the bill. Why do restaurants not support this practice? I recently traveled to Vancouver BC with 5 girlfriends and we ate out everyday. Every restaurant was happy to split the check with advance notice and in one restaurant, the bill neatly outlined our expenses - seat 1, seat 2, etc.
My friends and I unwittingly started a spending freeze in January when we decided to follow the “Whole 30” diet. We will be cooking at home and not going out to Happy Hour or eating out for the month.
I am committed to not buying any clothes for the remainder of the winter.
Regarding eating out with friends, the one pet peeve I have is when I’m just with one friend and the wait staff asked if it’s one check or two. I feel so petty saying “two”. Just bring two checks!! If one of us wants to pay, we will grab the other one.
Is the restaurant not wanting to split the check a regional thing? I live in the rural midwest, and they always ask, and splitting is never a problem. I agree with conmama–bring two checks.
Yes. In the midwest, easy. In the NE, not at all the norm and sometimes not possible.
Point is, if it matters, ask.
Sometimes, when it has to be one order check (eg, to get everything served together,) the server will offer to ring up each person’s actual order individually at the register. One bill, 10 cards or cash, apportioned correctly. We ask for and get sep checks routinely in New England. Maybe the servers are smart enough to do this. No issue when two of us travelled to N CA, either. Or in VA or NYC.
If it’s important to you, discuss it with your friends. There’s no shame in this, no embarrassment.
How about this… spending freeze on some days of the week?!
“I will not spend a penny on xxx” every week. "
Pick your xxx - it can be Monday, Tuesday, or several days of the week! We did not buy anything today. But blew a small fortune yesterday on supplies for the new grandkitty and groceries.
I think just spending mindfully vs on autopilot is a win. To me, that is just a choice and the days of the week/month aren’t as important. Splurging from time to time is fine too, as long as it’s something you can use and wont wreak havoc with your finances.
I like that idea @BunsenBurner. No buy Wednesday or pick the day(s).
Sometimes we have to grocery shop or do essential shopping and it’s easy to pick up this or that while I’m out. Or on amazon 
I do this, I went somewhere yesterday and said, I’m only going to spend cash. It stopped me from going to Starbucks after because I always use the app to buy. Nope, cash only day and I hate to spend cash.
This past week went pretty well. I’m really trying to buy what I need and not what I want.
I have started bringing lunch and snacks to work instead of buying. This saves me money and helps with my diet because it forces me to consider what I will eat during the day instead of impulse buying pizza and the like. I have also decided not to buy any new clothing, except underwear, until my birthday in the spring.
It’s hard! I’ve been wanting to try this one eyeshadow that only costs $14. But I’m stopping myself. I absolutely don’t need it. I also want to buy that ribbon I’ve asked about…but I don’t need it right now! So why do I have the urge to go find all the colors I want? It would probably be $50. Shopping is filling a hole obviously, I need to fill with something else.
I told DH I want a family vacation later in the summer and that’s my goal. It helps, actually. We are both committed to not going out much to bars/restaurants in the winter just by ourselves. We will stick to making it social rather than just getting out of the house.
^^^ Such a key @conmoma to realize that shopping sometimes fills a hole. Definitely true if I’m more busy with other things I’m not thinking about unnecessary things to buy.
This February (and into spring) is going to be expensive for us.
I am “refreshing” our master bath (replacing the late 70s vanity with nice cabinets/granite top), Replacing master bedroom carpet, and probably painting the entire house.
We are also going on two trips in February - one vacation, and one family trip.
On the freeze” side - I am trying to limit my “mindless” spending, and we are going out a little less than normal, so that’s good.
I stopped my son from buying a new band for his new apple watch by reminding him that he was going to do a no spend January. He agreed to wait until February and I’m hoping by then he will question if he really needs it.
Yes, the longer we can mull over purchases, the more we can be mindful about what we buy and what we don’t.
We have a wedding coming up in June so I’m definitely spending money.
I’m slowly going through a lot of drawers and cupboards so I’m trying to not bring a lot of stuff into the house unless I love it and also need it. It helps a lot that in the last several years I’ve gotten serious about going to the gym. I don’t spend nearly as much time shopping.