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<p>Of course not. This is why sleepovers usually take place at homes where parents don’t object to 11-year-olds watching R-rated movies.</p>
<p>^^When my kids were young, I <em>always</em> asked what movies/kinds of movies would be shown. We were (and still are with the young ones) pretty strict on movie ratings. Even now, my 12-year-old will call us and ask if something is O.K. if it’s rated PG-13.</p>
<p>Both my girls watched their first R rated movies at sleepovers.
All of my children are considered good and nice kids that parents love to have over. I expect all of them at some point to make some stupid go along with the crowd mistakes which is why I am careful about where they spend the night.</p>
<p>Marian I have also noticed the afterschool and Sat visits are also to the houses that have the most lenient rules regarding going to the movies without an adult, walking downtown window shopping. (this being 11 and 12 yr olds)</p>
<p>Oh yes! I didn’t mean to suggest that all children need boundaries when it comes to sleepovers. There are parents who can accurately predict the strength of their children’s peer pressure resistance. I haven’t met any of those parents in real life but I’ve met heaps on CC. Heaps.</p>
<p>I’m happy to admit that I’m not one of those parents. I started out thinking I was one of those parents and I learned I wasn’t the hard way. My boys aren’t those children. In my house, it is a given that children will make mistakes. It is a given that my children will be tempted to explore the boundaries. I set limits accordingly.</p>
<p>On the other hand, come 17 and the end of high school and, in my house, my children are free to spend the night where they like, pretty much. At the moment, one is independently making his way in an African city of 2M while the other is independently making his way in an Asian city of 13M, (having spent the last three months independently making his way in a EU city of 8M). </p>
<p>My limits on sleepovers didn’t affect their ability to get on in the world, apparently.</p>
<p>Really though, it’s an individual choice. Not a biggie.</p>
<p>For whatever it’s worth my DS (just finished JR year in college) has told us that in his experience (he makes it sound vast, but who knows?), the kids who were “restrained” the most in high school are the same kids who “go crazy” (sex, drugs and alcohol) in college. He said this in the context of thanking us for our method of raising him through high school -which was a smorgasbord of limit setting and providing room to make his own mistakes and learn, and mistakes he did make, believe me. But his point was that he felt more ready to deal with freedom at college, having had the room to make choices in his earlier years. This may not work for everyone. On the other hand - he is now completely independent, sometimes too much so IMHO - and I wish he’d be a little more willing to listen about certain things. So, ultimately, who knows?</p>
<p>I have always been a believer in having high expectations for your child’s behavior and clearly communicating this to them.
I also think that rules like “no sleepovers” just give the child the impression that you don’t have faith in their judgement or in them.
I have very open discussions with my sons about drinking, sex, drugs and so far they are very always forthcoming in discussing what is going on with their friends and their concerns.
I believe it is much more valuable to make individual decisions about sleepovers because this brings about discussion regarding the proposed event.</p>
<p>While not a fan of sleepovers at all (mostly because I think the kids are ruined for several days afterwards), I completely agree with the last two posts (#26 and 27). I have also seen that the most restricted kids are the ones who go nuts (drinking, “hooking up”, carrousing) the minute that they are out from the parental noose of overprotection. </p>
<p>I tend to err on the side of trusting my kids’ judgements, but I also have not had a kid who has abused that privilege. Were I to have a kid who snuck around or lied about his whereabouts, I might turn into an authoratative parent too (hope not, but one never knows).</p>
<p>I guess I live in Cheers world because I have 2 boys who are all about having a good time and it has clouded their judgement on ocassion.
Of course we talked to them over and over abut making smart decisions and doing the right thing. </p>
<p>When the police call your house, the attitude changes. </p>
<p>S1 had all the freedom in the world in h.s. He was a great student, hardworker. We trusted him. When he was a senior , 18 years old, he probably slept out one or more nights every weekend. Always called and told us where he woud be. We had no reason not to believe him. Never got caught doing anything wrong so we didn’t object. </p>
<p>Found out later he and his gang (all great students, top of class, NHS, etc) were into all kinds of mischief but just didn’t get caught. Continued the fun life in college and finally got caught. It was not good. He’s a rising jr. now, still a great student and hardworker, is totally self-supporting. If he gets in trouble again, it’s his responsibility. </p>
<p>Allowed S2 to sleepover until (at the beginning of jr. yr.) he turned up at a house party he shoudn’t have been at and the police were called. Again, it was not a happy ending.
S2 (now rising senior ) has to be home by midnight on non-school nights unless there is something special going on to make him late. Then he lets us know and we usually extend the curfew for the occasion but he still has to come home and sleep in his bed. He still has plenty of time to run around with his friends and hang out. And I sleep easier at night. If it’s too restrictive, too bad. He earned it.</p>
<p>PackMom~</p>
<p>I think that you have made great decisions as a parent. As I mentioned in post #6 on this thread, I dole out privilege according to responsibility. As long as my kids continue to make good choices and stay out of trouble, we will operate as we have been. If and when they show that they cannot handle that privilege without abusing it, then I will set a good many more limits. This is essentially what you have done, and to me, that shows excellent, responsive parenting. Kudos to you!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>i’ve never posted on this, but i’ve been reading these things cuz i think they are entertaining. I’m a freshman in college. While going through high school my parents were pretty liberal with me cuz I was like “good child” … i just knew how to not get caught and my older bro got caught alot. I had sleep overs, and slept over other people’s houses and stole alchohol from my parents and drank it. My friends and I acted drunk, but we weren’t. My mom didn’t find out that I drank until my graduation party. (she knew I had tried it before, but never knew I had been drunk) After the party we talked about it and she said she’s glad that I drank because then I would go to college and not go crazy. From my expierence I have found that the kids that drank in high school are alot more mature in college. They know their limits, and they know when to stop drinking and how to control it. The kids who’s parent’s were too strict go CRAZY and get too drunk. Let your daughter go out and have fun. You only live once, and cmon you gotta remember being young! In my group of friends my mom is “the coolest” because she “doesn’t care”…i know my mom cares, and i know she worries about my safety, but she also knows I"m smart enough to know my limits and not to drink and drive. She lectured me about this all through high school, because I"m sure she knew what I was doing. So talk to your daughter, but let her hang out with her friends, she’s only got 4 years left with them!</p>