<p>I don’t see what the problem is. I’d just either ask for separate checks or if that’s not possible, would take the check and let the other couple know how much they owe. </p>
<p>If someone wanted to split a check evenly even though their bill was much higher than mine, I wouldn’t want to befriends with them, and would also not split the check evenly, but would pay my fair share.</p>
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<p>That’s what I was wondering about. Is it rude to say that when dining with new friends? Is it just assumed that one or the other will pay or that you’ll split it evenly? Even if no one is drinking, I feel awkward splitting down the middle, particularly if I think that our tab would be the highest. On the other hand, I wonder if just taking the check would seem inappropriate with a new friendship and set up a whole future of awkward “who will take the check this time” moments. I like saying “shall we just do separate checks?” but wondered if that would sound weird.</p>
<p>We don’t get out much.</p>
<p>I think the only time I’ve ever had a problem with separate checks is when someone asked AFTER the meal, when the waitress was getting ready to set the bill on the table. I think usually if you ask up front, they’re ok with it.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent but rather a student who also waited tables…I like Hanna’s suggestion the best (bringing cash and contributing your share immediately) but also putting your tip into the pile first is a bad idea. </p>
<p>I promise, part or most of it WILL get taken for the bill. Different people have different tipping standards and someone in your group will think you’ve left more for the tab than you intended. While this may not affect you (you probably won’t be asked to contribute more), the server will end up with less money than you intended…Just a thought, coming from someone who has been the server or part of the group in this kind of situation countless times.</p>
<p>Try putting in your cash for tab+tax immediately, but wait until the end to put in the tip.</p>
<p>This situation has burned me more than once. I find that women friends at lunch historically are a bit better at splitting the bill fairly. In the evenings, with couples drinking, it can be very difficult to be on the cheaper entree, water drinking end of things with those who have appetizers and wine routinely. That line “Shall we separate checks? I find it easier” is polite and direct, takes care of your needs. If you don’t use it, you’ll perhaps be resentful and poorer. If you do what you need, you’ll have an easier time saying yes the next time. </p>
<p>That being said, there are subtleties with this sort of thing in every local. And ethnic group. With Asian family-forget it. We battle for the check with great cunning. Due to distance, and perhaps luckily for my economic life, my time with them is limited.</p>
<p>when I go out with my friends, if I am going to order something, I order and pay separate.
As we often go out to places over my budget, I just eat first.</p>
<p>Another vote for the CASH solution. Your friends probably get frequent flier miles or other rewards on their cards anyway, so they should be happy. Just make sure to add a good tip to your share.</p>
<p>After ordering, you could excuse yourself to ladies’/mens’ room and on your way there, find your waiter and mention you prefer separate bills. Not very up front, but hey…get’s the job done.</p>
<p>When we do have the rare ‘dutch’ situation, my husband handles it this way. Bill comes and immediately everyone starts reaching for it. He offers to put it on his credit card and accept payment from the fellow diners. He then tells each diner approximately their share, without being too particular about the pennies. He always rounds in their favor, so we take a little hit…but things are much smoother this way and it’s worth it. We don’t have to do this very often because most people with whom we have dinner eat/drink as we do and we usually take turns picking up the tab. But I would definitely not want to pay someone’s huge liquor bill if I’m not drinking.</p>
<p>One off-topic helpful hint. Our daughter waitressed in high school and she found many restaurants charge the waitstaff the credit card fee percentage on their tips if those tips are included on the credit card. Not all restaurants do this, but the customer never knows and your waiter/waitress will certainly not tell you. To ensure a good server gets their full gratuity, always tip in cash, even if you use a credit card for your meal.</p>
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<p>What if everyone doesn’t have enough cash? Or has the cash but not enough change? And why should we trust the guy with the credit card? I think this way is really weird, and wouldn’t accept the offer. However, any of the other ways (throwing in your portion of cash first, separate checks) to be quite acceptable with people I’m just getting to know.</p>
<p>That said, I go out to dinner to enjoy other’s company. I’m happy to split the check evenly, or I pick it up this time and they pick it up next time. In the past we tend to go out with other couples, or couples with pretty much the same number of kids we have, and splitting the check evenly worked out. Recently, since I’m no longer a couple, and since my oldest daughter is off at school, the normal family of four is now a family of two. And we found restaurants are happy to put 1/3 on one family’s card, 2/3s on the other, or split up credit cards however we want.</p>
<p>We do pretty much what UCDAlum does. 95% of our dining out with others is done with good friends. We all have our quirks. If everyone ordered in the same price range we just split in half. No nitpicking over a few dollars. I have never been to a place that won’t put it on 2 or 3 credit cards. We also have done the split on number of people in each family. Divide the bill based on numbers.
I find it extremely frustrating being out with a large group with each person wanting to pay their exact share. And usually in that case the server usually gets shortchanged.
When I dine with a large group of women we usually split the check evenly unless there are a few women who ordered very little. Have one friend who only orders a small dinner salad whenever we go out. No one expects her to split even. Over time this is usually a wash. Sometimes you pay a little more possibly the next time you might pay a little less.
I also have a couple of good women friends who we vary it. Sometimes we each pay half. Other times one or the other picks up the check and the next time the other does.
We also often frequent a couple of places where you go up and order and they deliver to your table. Each person orders their own and pays and you are all on the same number and the food is delivered together. We are lucky to have in our area several places with good food that are nice but you have to go up to order and then the wait staff brings the food to you. On real plates with silverware. (these are not fast food type places)
We rarely dine with people we don’t know well. My husband hates that sort of thing!</p>
<p>Guess what- they are all coming to my house for the dinner, so I guess I am picking up the tab, but on my terms :D</p>
<p>I know we will end up going out with them as the friendship matures, as they do go out a lot, but not yet!</p>
<p>I like the toss in the cash idea and/or the separate checks idea, depending on the circumstances. As a former waitress, I try to always tip cash, having been there & done that myself</p>
<p>“What if everyone doesn’t have enough cash? Or has the cash but not enough change? And why should we trust the guy with the credit card? I think this way is really weird, and wouldn’t accept the offer.”</p>
<p>Well gosh…I think I might be offended UCD. This is actually quite commonly done among friends and family. And I believe that is what we are talking about…dinner with friends. So what is not to be trusted? Everyone gets a chance to look at the bill if they want. It’s not like my husband pockets it and refuses to turn it over. The motivation is not to rip people off, but to make the transaction more simple and less of an ordeal. </p>
<p>Sheesh.</p>
<p>ldmom - My friends and I do the same thing. Sometimes we’ll just go dutch, and we have some swift mental calculators so it goes pretty quick. If one person forgot cash or wants to use a rewards card (TGIF comes to mind), then we just give the cash to them and they put the meal on the card except tip.</p>
<p>With people I’m not as familiar with I’ll be somewhat okay with an even split, as long as it’s not more than $5 off what I’d pay otherwise. More than that and someone demands a split? I’m not eating with him/her ever again if I can avoid it.</p>
<p>We have several excellent restaurants around here that do not have liquor licenses. You BYOB. That solves the drinks problem. I don’t ever get a drink but I DO get dessert and coffee always. And if I’m not thinking of it, I will anyway…and have it boxed up to take home. That way, at least I’m getting something for my money. I will say, however, that like others, we have NEVER had a restaurant that refused to give three couples three separate checks if we asked. Never.</p>
<p>My mother thinks that when people use their credit card to pay and then have everyone else pay them in cash, it because they are trying to “write the meal off” as a business lunch. I am not that cynical, but I guess that some people are.</p>
<p>I always pay with credit card because I usually don’t have cash on me. You can’t write meals off as business meals if you don’t have your own business because of minimum tax. </p>
<p>OP - aren’t you paying for everything (more) if you are having dinner at your house?</p>
<p>She was referring to wealthy successful people who do have their own businesses, btw, when she said it.</p>
<p>I do find entertaining at home often more expensive than eating out. I always buy much more than I need.</p>
<p>I guess I can understand questioning the motives of a person you do not know well…but then I would question why you are breaking bread with someone you think might be taking advantage of the situation (“you” not referring to anyone here specifically).</p>
<p>If a person is dining with a business associate and it’s a business meal, then asking for separate checks up front or establishing who is picking up the expense is not a touchy topic at all. It’s business. If it’s friends or family, then I think the trust factor is in place from the beginning, unless a person is in the habit of choosing to dine with ‘ne’er do wells’. Then, imho, it’s back to business. Ask for separate checks up front.</p>
<p>Agree with nemom on the entertaining at home. I do the exact same thing…I buy waaaay too much food and end up with tons of leftovers. But it is so nice to entertain at home…I do enjoy that experience best.</p>
<p>I have a slightly different problem. My H tends to reach for the bill, and we have paid the full bill on many, many occasions. The other family then claims that they will get it “next time” but then never do, or have convenient amnesia. I had a recent experience where we were invited out with a freind and her bro, who was in town on business. My H, as usual, picked up the bill. My friend said she owed us and would take us out. This was maybe a month ago. I happened to be with her this weekend, and she mentioned in passing how hice it was that her bro picked up the bill that day. I gently, politely reminded her that we paid the bill, and that she offered to take us out a thanks. She was sure I was wrong and that her brother paid. Sigh…</p>
<p>In the far east people do not split bills, people usually fight to pay for the bill, it is also expected men should pay. My husband unknowingly came to an all lady’s outing one time (most guys were out playing golf), when the bill came the waiter just automatically gave the bill to my husband. He paid for close to 10 people’s meals - luckily it was lunch and most of them were on a diet. It was pretty funny to see his face, especially since he was the only white guy there with all asian ladies.</p>