<p>I would love to hear the stories of how you have resolved check splitting issues without making a big deal of it, without coming across judgmentally, without caving in and paying “your” share of the more expensive people.</p>
<p>We are going out for the first time with some new friends- we have done several in home things, and that works fine, but they drink like crazy and we don’t. We have three in college, we are so cheap we squeak, we do the small dinner salad & water routine…they totally drink, order wine, etc. I do not care if they drink, but I don’t want to pay for it; i don’t want to point it out in a way that nixes a burgeoning friendship, but I hate being the $8 meal when some one else is the $25 meal and they always seem to think we should split it- maybe they are too tipsy to realise they are taking advantage?? But people who do that order drinks & appetizers & desserts, etc., then ask you to split it.</p>
<p>SO, how do I go into this, not knowing how they operate, and avoid feeling grumpy about the outcome!</p>
<p>If someone could come up with a way to simplify having the wine drinkers pay the cost for their alcohol and then the entire table split the cost of the food I’d sure like to know it. We had that situation yesterday and the math got so complicated we just ended up sharing the bill equally. It is always the same 2 people who order wine. They say they’ll pay but they don’t try to help figure it out!</p>
<p>Not every restaurant will give you separate checks although that is the best solution. Sometimes we can specify separate checks in advance but we don’t always have a choice of restaurants.</p>
<p>I’ve never known of a restaurant who won’t do separate checks for two couples. It’s usually just if it’s a very large party and each wants their own check. </p>
<p>I also find it difficult to imagine that someone would not recognize that they’re ordering MUCH more expensive items than you, and then ignoring that when the check comes. And if they’ve had too much to drink to realize it?! Good grief, do you honestly want to encourage this new friendship? And I sure hope that they’re not driving!</p>
<p>I agree with youdontsay. Especially if you can get the check FIRST, you can look it over, put in your $10 or $15 or whatever, and then let the rest of them figure it out.</p>
<p>I used to have two girlfriends who drank a lot, and whenever we all went out they paid for EVERYTHING because they were so happy to have a designated driver.</p>
<p>I also once had a lovely lunch in NYC and at the end my companion asked for a piece of paper and pulled out a calculator.</p>
<p>There must be a happy medium. Just make sure that your fair share includes your fair share of the tax and tip.</p>
<p>Because of expense accounts that do not allow alcohol, many restaurants will put the alcohol on a separate check. If that is the biggest expense issue then that might be your answer. Ask before you are seated if they will do it and then it will come to the table that way.</p>
<p>How about speak with them and express your concern. If they are your friends enough to go out with, then surely they know your situation. It’s a big thing with me to communicate honestly and clearly. You don’t need to be manipulative, clever or slick, just say “we’re looking forward to our dinner, but I want you to know that our budget is very tight right now and we will be ordering carefully and will only be abe to pay for our own meals.” There will be no misunderstanding on either part.</p>
<p>“Bring cash, quickly put your fair share in”</p>
<p>Right. Bring a fair amount of cash, in a variety of denominations, and just plunk down your share with a generous tip. This way you don’t have to worry about what the restaurant will or won’t do.</p>
<p>When we are the “ordered the expensive meal” couple, we always step up and suggest NOT splitting it down the middle. Or, if someone else says “let’s just split it,” we say No, we owe more. Do you think there’s a chance your new friends might do this?</p>
<p>I realize you probably need a contingency plan along the lines of what was suggested above.</p>
<p>When it’s friends you go out with often and there’s no real pattern to who spends less/more each time, it usually all works out in the end. But that doesn’t apply in your case.</p>
<p>I also think almost all restaurants will do separate checks for two couples. We have also often put down two credit cards and said “Put $40 on this one and put $75 on this one.” That still might be awkward for you if you are the lesser-spending couple.</p>
<p>I don’t see a problem at all if its just 2 couples going out. Any restaurant will do separate checks. And when the waiter arrives, ask him if they will do separate checks, so that your friends hear. </p>
<p>But I do like the idea of bringing cash and swiftly plunking down your total + tax + tips.</p>
<p>I, too, like the idea of tossing in the cash before things get going- I have that math brain, so I can add it up as we go along and add on the tax & tip in my head without resorting to a calculator or scratch paper :p</p>
<p>It is three couples and the other two are old friends, so that changes the dynamic a bit, it is great to have all these ideas, so I can be prepared for any outcome and shift the flow to fairness</p>
<p>I would personally not go out as often with them, but just split the bill when you do. </p>
<p>Do not take this the wrong way, but paying for dinner is generally not an issue with me. If I am out with a new friend/couple, I will usually let them order first and take cue from them on the price range. The first time out I woud try to stay within their price range to avoid awkwardness when the check comes. After a few times if I order wine or more expensive items I would always offer to pay more - by paying for tip or quickly tell the waiter how to split it. If your new friends do not do that then I think they are taking advantage of you.</p>
<p>We went on a 2 weeks vacation with another family one time. They had 2 grown kids (both over 20) and a younger child. We had 2 kids under 18. We split everything in half the whole vacation. We didn’t say anything. It was not worth me losing the friendship, but we haven’t been on vacation since.</p>
<p>It is easier when you know the people well, we have vacationed with family & friends before and we usually decide to divide by the # per family, so if you are 2 & we are 4, then we pay 2/3 of all. We don’t worry too much about big v small eaters; though my parents side of the family are tiny birdy eaters & my DHs side of the family are big eaters, so if those two traveled together it would become awkward. It’s best when you can just talk it over and make sure no one feels they are getting the short end of the stick.</p>
<p>One trip we asked the mom with the youngest kids to bring snacks for “all the kids” and she brought them, and kept them locked up and parcelled them out mostly to her kids- I wonderef if she misunderstood or was not big on snacks; we had to make a mid-week run for munchies, as all the teens I had were starved. So much for trying to plan healthy camping</p>
<p>Somemom–your first post makes me wonder if you really want to go out with these people. It sounds like going out to dinner is something that you don’t like very much and that you don’t do often. Why don’t you find some other way to get together with these people?</p>
<p>I have come to the conclusion that going out with friends for dinner will cost me X amount regardless of this one having a martiini and this wine etc. We just split the checks and are done with it. And I make sure a 15% tip is added in where I live and 20% in the states if I have to contribute more myself. I don’t have beaucoup bucks. But if I am going out that is the way it is. To be honest, my good friends are great about the splitting but maybe not all are great about the tips. I eschew dinners out with “unknowns” at this point in my life.</p>
<p>If you haven’t been out with these people before, you don’t know if they are the thoughtful type who’ll say something like, “Oh our was much more expensive than yours. Let us take care of the tip.” It’s just one occasion. Could you just take your chances and see how things work out?</p>
<p>There is almost no way to make a point about who does and does not order and drink wine and cocktails without casting a pall on the proceedings at the outset.</p>
<p>If you really cannot afford to take the chance of spending the additional money this one time, when the server comes to take drink orders, I’d say “Shall we do separate checks? I find it easier” before anyone orders anything. And then proceed with the conversation. The likelihood is that it will make things unpleasant for everyone at some level, though. It is difficult to share restaurant meals when people have different budgets and expectations.</p>
<p>I once went out with some people (only time I ever ate with them) and after we received the bill they insisted that they always split the bill evenly because that’s “how they roll.” I tried to call BS on this but couldn’t due to my relationship with them. Long story short, it was a typical scumbag move you can only expect out of a group of MBAs. My $12 dinner ended up costing me more than $30 (due to other’s expensive drinking habits, etc).</p>