<p>Sports team coaches can make or break a high schooler’s self-esteem and overall HS experience. Although most schools have moved away from the idea that harsh discipline and loud negative comments are effective teaching in the classroom, many sports coaches are idealized as tough taskmasters whose screaming at kids and use of penalty laps and other punishments teaches “mental toughness” and perserverance.</p>
<p>Should high schools have the same standards in the classroom and on the playing field or does the “win or be fired” nature of coaching justify a different philosophy?</p>
<p>And should high schools grade their coaches more on won/loss records or how they treat kids?</p>
Only if they let it. Sports participation is not mandatory. The only choice the students have is to vote with their feet…and walk away. Give the reins to the kid. When the pain outweighs the gain they leave. No sports team can survive the loss of too many kids who walk away. As a parent is was a tough lesson to learn/accept but I learned it early and was reminded of it often. </p>
<p>Competitive sports are about winning. Participatory sports are not. </p>
<p>I drew the line at “abusive behavior”. I told my D that until it reached the point I considered it abuse, it was her call. </p>
<p>Last year was such a growing year for our whole family. Ds had a new coach with radically different expectations and demeanor. As much as I wanted to jump in, I sat back and let ds handle the various issues that arose. It was very difficult to do. Now, I thank the coach, in a way. The coach really contributed to the emergence of ds as a young man.</p>
<p>I have been involved in youth sports for more than 30 years and this is a subject very dear to me. I’ve had two kids go through HS sports and can honestly say that none of the coaches they had displayed the type behavior you’re talking about. (most were less than stellar coaches technically but they were not destructive emotionally) but I did see too many examples of what you’re saying.</p>
<p>I once penned a letter to the school board of our neighboring town that went something like this:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I never did send the letter as my DD requested that I hold off until after she graduates and I respected he wishes. But that is only 6 months away (yikes!!!) so I’ll dig it up and have it ready. I’m also thinking about filming the most obnoxious coaches and including the tape (or the link) with the letter. If we all do this, it may have an impact.</p>
<p>And to say that its up to the kids to determine if they’ll put up with it is besidesthe point. Teenagers will go along to get along – all of them, even CC kids. Bottom line: abuse is abuse.</p>
<p>Note: there is a difference between telling a kid she needs to step up her game and yelling and screaming at her.</p>
<p>My basketball coach did nothing but yell and scream at us and make us run laps when we screwed up. As an asthmatic, that was a problem and I complained to her several times that I simply couldn’t breath and needed a break. She told me that she was asthmatic and if she could take it then I could take it. Had a practice where I had an asthma attack in the middle of ladders and had to go to the hospital. Two girls on the team broke down and started bawling and different points in the season and one almost had a mental breakdown because of this coach. Needless to say, she was not around the next season.</p>
<p>I personally run a basketball league for young children and coaching is one of my favorite things to do. However, I purposely avoid the scoring games (little kids don’t keep score) because I am one of those coaches that would let her emotions get the better of her.</p>
<p>There is a fine line between “pushing” and “abusing” and if a student feels he/she is being abused, sadly, they will usually not come forward because of the negative stigma against speaking out against coaches. You don’t want to go against pack mentality. It is different for guys and girls. Guys will tough it out and rarely complain whereas girls have much less of a problem speaking what’s on their mind. This is probably why boys sports coaches are seen as the screamers and abusers, etc, because they know they can get away with a lot more.</p>
<p>I have watched this over the years with my kids’ teams, and have observed that parents often contribute to the problem by being overly invested in the win-loss record of the team. The pressure equation is Parent ==> Coach ==> Players. It only takes a few parents with that attitude (often those who feel, rightly or wrongly, that their kid has a chance to succeed beyond the high school level in their sport). Even better when the parents complain to the school administrators, who also may exert pressure on the coaches to improve their W-L record to retain their job.</p>
<p>My son’s high school football coaches have taught him responsibility, commitment, respect for others and instilled in him a sense of self-confidence that no classroom teacher has done during his HS experience. Yes, they are tough, and I’m sure that DS is not telling us half of the critical and harsh things that are said in the locker room and during the practices, but thats ok - he loves the cameraderie and feeling of success from a game well played. </p>
<p>I am a convert - when S started football freshman year I was very uncomfortable with the inherent aggressiveness and fury that the players needed to have in order to win - but it has been a fantastic experience for DS. For others, not so much - freshman year there were 100 kids, and that group is now down to 16 seniors still playing.</p>
<p>I have to say that the worst coaching I witnessed was the parent coaching of local youth league teams that my DS and DD played on for years. I would have to walk away from many baseball/softball games because the way the parents treated not only their kids, but others as well, was way too nasty for me to watch. And the worst part was that the parents would just let it happen!</p>
<p>We live in a very competitive world. Our kids are bombarded with the idea that they need to outdo, outstudy, outperform and generally outrun everyone around them. In my optimistic view of things, I try to see these coaches as teaching the kids to push themselves to do their best. Unfortunately I have rarely seen that with teachers, who don’t really have as much riding on the outcome of their student’s performance as coaches do. I wish the world wasn’t this way, and that my “sweet baby boy” didn’t have to fight so hard to be an excellent football player and secure his starting position on the team, but that’s just how it is.</p>
<p>On the other hand, the parent coaches have absolutely nothing to gain by having a winning team, except the reflected glory of the kids hard work - no job security, no accolades from peers. They are far more disturbing to me than the professional coaches.</p>
<p>Just like in teaching, where there are a lot of bad teachers, high school sports has a lot of bad coaches. </p>
<p>But I’m with curm: walk away, if you don’t like it. Many communities have club sports that one can join. Too bad we can’t easily walk away from a bad teacher…</p>
<p>Bluebayou, I completely agree about being able to walk away from a bad teacher! And a bad teacher can have such a terrible effect on a student’s record.</p>
<p>We have a coach at my town’s HS who has taken a formerly downtrodden football team to excellence. He is also a gym teacher, who regularly refers to his students as “turds”, and finds it funny. As a science teacher at a nearby high school, I know my teaching days would be numbered if a student complained because I called him/her a “turd”. I have also heard reports of coaches referring to students not giving total efforts by a very vulgar term for the female anatomy. (Oh, they win championships, so it’s OK)</p>
<p>Growing up there was a football coach in our town who had many, many winning teams and multiple state championships. He never yelled, just called the “young men” over to the sidelines and had a quiet talk. He had been on the beach at Normandy and he used to say “No use shouting in battle, no one can hear you.” On the other hand, my son had a tennis coach who was never yelled, but he was the most passive aggressive little twerp. He belittled kids, manipulated team members, etc. Team didn’t do very well.</p>
<p>My point is that it is the totality of how a coach treats his kids that counts.</p>
<p>In the years I attended UCLA games I never saw him get upset - at least not anywhere near the extend we’re talking about here. And, you can’t question his success.</p>
<p>I might just buy a case of his book and give it to those coaches.</p>
<p>I particularly dislike coaches who scream such profound advice as “You gotta make that shot!” as if the kid had not tried to make it. And coaches who take players out after a signle mistake which the player has already recognized, just so the player can be humiliated</p>
<p>I can’t say that I’ve kept data on it, but its my belief that the better the athlete the coach was, the less he is likely to exhibit abusive behaviour.</p>
<p>You see some remarkable things happen. Some years back we had a team go to the national tournament in junior football, and a team from suburban Chicago had a coach who taunted the opposing players on the field during the game. Not just once, but repeatedly. The kids were in the 11-13 age group.</p>
<p>At the older levels, I think you have be careful about identifying abuse. Just being loud or gruff, or even profane isn’t necessarily abusive. There are coaches who can get away with that and 99% of their players love them in the final analysis. And as someone above said there are guys who don’t yell during contests or practice, but are experts at sucking the verve and energy out of the kids with demeaning comments.</p>
<p>Good coaches are very hard to find. Look at the programs around you that are always strong and you can bet it is the head coach who is responsible.</p>
<p>My sons played for a wide variety of coaches over the years - mostly very good men. Some were loud and yelled, some quietly expected a lot of the players: lots of different styles work. My sons liked and respected nearly all of them, and are still in contact with several of these men today.</p>
<p>We were fortunate that we only ran into one truly abusive coach, but it was an awful experience for the son who played for him. It was a JV coach, and my son very much wanted to play varsity the next year, so he stuck through it. As it turns out, the headmaster of the school was deluged with complaints about this coach (including a letter from a parent of one of our opponents), and after an investigation by the athletic director, he was fired. But it took until after the season was over. The boys on the team ended up really bonding as a result - sort of like a hazing experience I guess.</p>