<p>I take it she won’t be going to South Padre, Islandmom?</p>
<p>SBmom and jrpar, that’s a major pitful we’ve worked hard to avoid. I thought you described it really well, SBmom, and I love the name jrpar gave it: the la-di-da factor. I have tried to give my kids a wonderful upbringing, but it definitely didn’t include most of the UMC trappings. D and I are sharing the 11 year old Caravan; when she has it, I borrow H’s 10 year old Neon (the new car.) My kids have (gasp) never been to Disney World, (or Land). 150 dollars is a new wardrobe, not a pair of jeans. Going out to dinner is a big deal. Never been to an island or other tropical vacation, or a cruise. My D eventually went to Europe on her dime; S hopes to do the same.</p>
<p>What with the expense of college, I feel they’re plenty pampered! And they are about the least “la-di-da” kids I know.</p>
<p>Sluggbugg, my mind was made up before posting this thread. Actually, I never expected there to be so much opposition to Spring Break trips. I think, as Susan said, it’s partly a matter of culture. It seems to be the norm around here. I’ve since learned that fully stocked vacation home for 10 friends was part of this girl’s graduation present. </p>
<p>The kids are going down in couples (BF/GF). I know this crowd pretty well and I don’t think the scene will be anything close to wild. These are the kids who compete, as couples, to score the best seats at the ballet…or the best concert tickets…or to find the best restaurant…not to drink themselves into oblivion or throw furniture from balconies 
) </p>
<p>I agree with some that it’s all a little extravagant…and wonder what they’ll do for an encore. But, I’m sure they have concrete ideas about that! They’re starting off on a different level than I did, and I’m great with that. I have no reason to believe that if you start off high, you can only go down. I believe the opposite…there is no limit to what’s possible. This is normal stuff for these kids. </p>
<p>I do supports every parent’s insight into their own kid and their own set of rules for their household. Remember, I’m the mom who still mandates a curfew! 
(and I think I was one of the very few!!)</p>
<p>lol momsdream. </p>
<p>No I actually don’t think she would be comfortable with that environment. But that’s just because of her particular personality.</p>
<p>Momsdream - it strikes me as I read through this thread again that it’s hard to really fully paint the picture of the scenario each of us is contemplating, all the factors and personalities involved, etc. CC is great but it’s hard to boil it all down into a post or two (or three)! The trip your son is taking is much different than what my son was proposing. I don’t question at all your decision that it was OK for him to go; I might have made the same decision if I were in your shoes looking at your set of facts. We all try to make the best decisions for our kids, and since we are the only ones with the full picture in front of us, we’re ultimately the only ones that can really know what decision is best.</p>
<p>What Soozie said works for me :)</p>
<p>My oldest requested to join her friends in Mexico spring break senior year. She had not been making the wisest of decisions and seemed not ready for that (even if i’d been willing to consider it!) so we took her with a friend and did California tourist things. Her friends returned from Mexico with tatoos and piercings, not that I am judging them per se, but that is not something my daughter would normally have pursued then (that hole in her belly button now still bugs DH), and I’d bet she would have returned with both- for all the great things in her profile, she was very vulnerable to emotional peer situations.</p>
<p>A few years have passed, now my next kid has been invited with 4 friends to a hotel in Mexico. She revealed the chaperone to be the mid-20s older brother of her friend and finished the conversation with, “I guess I’m not going, huh?” No hystrionics, she just knows how we feel about supervision.</p>
<p>I just don’t get the money factor, I don’t mind paying travel for my kids to go visit their friend’s families in far away places, I am all for deepening relationships that way; but why would I pay for my kid to take a vacation on the beach, to drink to excess, and generally be rowdy…I think I should get that vacation :rolleyes: not my kid! </p>
<p>My D1 in college cannot afford that trip on her own, but she is always welcome to join us on our adventures, some breaks she does, some she doesn’t mainly based on scheduling. I am happy to pay food & room & board & travel for family trips, but if she is grown-up enough to go off with her buds, then she should be grown-up enough to pay for it…and that’s not happening any time soon. </p>
<p>The la-di-da factor goes along with all these kids she meets at school who simply use Daddy’s credit card, no budget, just use it, at leisure. One friend is allowed one grocery shopping trip a month on Daddy’s card and she was taking her friends with her and buying for every one. I feel that doesn’t teach them anything about responsibility with money; life will be very sad when they graduate and are on their own- unless they all move back in with mom & dad :eek: How will they live up to this style of living to whcih they have become accustomed? What about student loans? When will they feel they are successful… a lot of them simply seem spoiled.</p>
<p>I agree with your jrpar. The kids of the CC parents, no matter how collectively samrt, are all very different, which is obvious from the many postings about them. To that end, I don’t understand the “one size fits all” opinions of some…whether pro or con Spring Break trips (or anything else, for that matter). Everybody here seems to be raising wonderful children. Therefore, I sure don’t think anyone here should do anything differently!!</p>
<p>I know I shouldn’t be here, I’m a senior in HS but I think you parents should trust your children more. Why do you think that “A group of 20 unspervised 17 and 18 year olds can be a recipie for disaster.” Give your kid a chance and if he or she cannot prove himself to be worthy of your trust, then that is the time you say no. There is nothing wrong with a kid wanting to have a good time.</p>
<p>GTA-
I am sure you are a very responsible, mature young adult. I like to think of myself as pretty responsible too. But, if I am on a diet, I stay out of the candy shop. No need to tempt fate, as it were. My point is, even with the best of intentions, 20 unsupervised teens “wanting to have a good time” is just a bad plan. There are plenty, PLENTY of other ways to demonstrate responsible behavior.</p>
<p>So what do you want your kid to do during that week? stay home? To me it’s all about trust. My parents know I drink and they are fine with that but if i get in trouble with the law or something else of that sort, I know I’ve abused their trust and I should pay the consequences. If I were a parent, the only reason why I wouldn’t let my child go on a spring break trip is if I knew he or she was irresponsible in those sorts of situations. I guess where I live parents trust their kids more; Almost everyone I knew is going to the Bahamas, Jamaica or some other tropical location.</p>
<p>GTA-
I think thou protests too much. I would recommend, if you haven’t already, that you read all the posts on this thread. I think people give fair arguments for both sides of this issue. However, somehow I must admit that already being an underage drinker doesn’t put too many notches in the “responsible teen” belt. The teens that I know who are mature and responsible wouldn’t have a problem with having a parent chaperone. A parent isn’t going to sit and hold your hand, but they will be there if a situation arises, and can be of great benefit. You’ll have plenty of time to do all sorts of stuff in college-- no need to risk doing something stupid and getting into trouble. A criminal record isn’t a recommended EC activity for a college application.</p>
<p>PS- As an aside, I would be interested to know if, many years from now, when you are a parent in this same situation, how you will respond to these requests. My kids know that the “everyone else is doing it” arguement will get them nowhere.</p>
<p>haha well I would be pleased to stay in contact with you and tell you how my child/children are doing</p>
<p>GTA
Keep us posted. Remember, we were all in your shoes at one point. There was a thread several months ago in the parents forum where parents discussed all the stupid stuff we did, and risks we took when we were in HS/college. Interesting reading. We’ve been there, done that (most of us in the 70’s) and got the t-shirt, as they say. Seriously, I trust my kids, but I wouldn’t send them into a potentially bad situation. </p>
<p>I spent part of xmas break with my 18 yr old in the Bahamas. It was interesting to drink with him, gamble with him, and hit the duty-free liquor store with him. He and younger bro. also spent time out in the evenings without us (parents). I trust them. That isn’t the issue. I just put safety first.</p>
<p>Haha well those stupid things that we did are the best memories that we cherish. Like I’m sure at our first HS reunion, my buds and I are going to talk about all the times we’ve had run-in’s with the cops, played poker for big money, and all of that stuff that my parents don’t know about. Drinking is not a huge part of our lives but since I/we live in the middle of suburbia in NY, there isn’t much else to do. BTW, hope you’re still on CC in about 25-30 years so I could tell you how well I raised my kids.</p>
<p>Ok-- if I’m not in a home drooling in a cup in 25-30 yrs, I’ll be here. 
Are you really planning to wait 'til you’re in your mid 40’s to have your kids? That means you’ll be over 60 or when your kids are graduating HS. I cant WAIT to see your views then Oh, and fwiw, I, too, grew up in the NYC suburbs. We found <em>plenty</em> to do, and still stayed out of trouble. No run-ins with the cops for me…</p>
<p>No Im not. That’s when they will be 18 and according to my standards, fully matured.</p>
<p>
Herein lies our fundamental difference of opinion. 18 may make you old enough to vote and go to war, (that’s a discussion for a different thread) but it hardly makes one “fully mature”. Unfortunately, age and maturity don’t always go hand in hand. One’s frontal lobes (area of judgement, planning, problem-solving–executive function skills) don’t completely finish their development until your early 20’s. The fact that we are given raging hormones before our executive function skills are fully formulated to modulate the effects of the hormonal madness is a major design flaw in humanity.</p>
<p>Ah yes, I remember a couple years ago the effects of hormonal madness. I guess a few of my friends are still going through it. It’s funny how we go from spring break to hormonal madness.</p>
<p>Adrenaline is a hormone (as well as a neurotransmitter and biogenic amine). That thrill seeking, risk-taking behavior that got you into run-ins with the law, and will likely come into play as you seek “excitement” on your spring break is due in part to your management (or lack thereof) of this hormone. We do not need to be speaking just of sexual hormones. If you really believe that you have, at 17 or 18, completed your response to your hormones “a couple of years ago”… that is just sad, and silly. </p>
<p>Feel free to go on and on, trying to convince us and yourself that you are mature beyond your years. Unfortunately your posts do not support this. It seems that you will want to have the last word, so please, go ahead. This is the last I have to say about this. I just feel a bit sorry for your folks, who you readily admit you have kept in the dark about much of your behavior. So much for trust and honesty. I hope they have good insurance.</p>
<p>As an aside- if my s. drank, had run-ins with the law, engaged in high-stakes gambling, was closed-minded and secretive in HS, thought that he knew it all and didn’t care to listen to guidance from adults, the LAST thing I would do is send him off unsupervised on spring break. Thank you for your thoughts on the parents forum. Goodbye and good luck to you.</p>
<p>Though it has been entertaining watching a high school senior talk about how his run in with the law and drunkeness show he is responsible and a mother raging on about kids and their hormonal madness, i feel a third party should step in to this. JYM626 - From the talk of your posts, i would say you either majored in neuro-something or have spent way too much time in front of the computer researching this stuff, and GTA55 it is obvious that you (unfortunatley, not me) never had a controlling mother forcing you onto debate team (terrible memories). Truth be told, JYM626, when you are old dribbling in a cup and responding to GTA55’s posts about his wonderful child/juvenille deliquent, you will be dwelling on the memories you had as a child, on your bare-bones trip. Honestly, many of you see MTV’s horrifying Spring Break videos (adrenaline + alchohol + cameras = interesting TV show), but what your children will do on Spring Break is what every kid will do when they are not around their parents, have fun. Just because kids arent fully capable of worrying as much as an adult, doesn’t mean they are going to kill themselves. There will always be tragic stories, such as students getting drunk and falling off a balcony, and copious use of alchohol seen on the news. However, what the news wont show is your high school senoir seeing his long-time friends for the last time before going off to college. Also, to the parents of College Freshman, they have been at college for a year now, letting them be unsupervised for another week wont change anything.</p>
<p>Before rambling on without chance for response, like i have a bad habit of doing, I will leave with this. Trust your kids unless you have reason not to. GTA33, your gambling (teen poker craze), run ins with the law (everyone has had at least one, minor or major), and drunkeness as a high school senoir may seem horrifying to a worried Mother dreaming of you putting down your scholarship money on a two pair, getting Drunk and then arrested for DUI while your parents are sleeping at home thinking your at the library, which is the picture you have painted for us, is unreasonable. A standard kid will say this after playing 5 dollar poker (JYM626, your sons have to have done it), sipping a mix drink and joking with friends, which is what a standard 18 year old high school senior will do on saturday night, and their is nothing wrong with that if you make sure that they know not to drive drunk, drink too much, or gamble to heavily. JYM626, you seem like a very caring parent who knows your children well and the fact that your sons are very close is a feat we all hoped we could accomplish. However, your worrying over wild kids and flesh-eating bacteria shows a bit too much of the over-protecting aspect. Sometimes people confuse fun with reckless behavior, and some need to learn to keep these two distinct. But if you have taught your children right their is no reason to worry.</p>