I think with the added exercise you might just sleep better.
I remember your thread from last fall. It’s great to hear you’ve got into a groove.
You can add me to the club of family alcoholism, childhood trauma, and having a non-neurotypical child.
My father died several months ago and I hadn’t seen him in many years. I didn’t know about the spectrum back then, but from my memories and taking to relatives, I’ve come to believe my father was likely an Aspie who probably had a very hard time and no help in learning to relate to others. That understanding can’t take away the bad decisions he made or what we went through, but somehow I’ve found it healing.
I’m ready for some self-care, but I’ve got to get through the next couple of months first!
What finally worked at 3am was making up coming of age rom com in my head. Composer raised on food stamps woos female astrophysicist from affluent background. Somewhere in the middle of the scene when he goes crazy with the elegant picnic set-up at Tanglewood I relaxed and dropped off.
I had GI issues for 6 months that came roaring back today. It’s all connected.
I’ve tried and liked freestyle meditation (the meditation headspace app didn’t do it for me).
Forced myself up at 6:15 and went for a short walk.
I’m so impressed! You’re doing such a great job, @Aspieration!
Thank you for the support!
I springtime buzzed cut S1 and S2’s hair last night and when they woke up this AM they looks like sheered sheep, all legs and ears. One of the blessings of being anti-tech at home is they PLAY. I love hearing them futz around with the latest toy craze (these days it’s hexbug nanos).
Seriously though - is a all graphic novels book diet OK for an 8yo boy? He reads independently for about 2hr per day at least but it’s all stuff like YA and middle reader graphic novels (e.g. Amulet, Asterix…).
OOH S1 reads actual books (and yes plenty of graphic novels too).
I let my kids read (just about) anything they wanted, that would keep them reading. You could try to get other books that you think might interest him, but I think it’s fine. My guy that loved to read also liked (and still likes) sci-fi fantasy. Maybe give that a try? I know James Patterson writes sci-fi series for kids inaddition to his adult books.
Are they willing to let you read to them? We still had family reading time for as long as they would let me and would laugh together every evening over the books. I could read for many years with S, but Ds rebelled. Heck, I do better with the great novels if they are read to me.
I’m not sure what would be wrong with childtens graphic novels at this age. Let them read what they want, you don’t want to discourage them (unless it’s porn or something shady, of course). My kids started reading more when they discovered Captain Underpants, who was very funny to them. Then when Harry Potter came along, they were highly motivated to read more. Reading must be a pleasure, not a chore.
Let them read whatever! My husband constantly says he read nothing but comic books for a few years but it helped cement his love of reading and e ended up being an English major and novelist!
“I think I let my kids walk all over me to (get me water, that’s my spot on the couch, put on my socks)”
You’re not doing them any favors in the long run - or yourself. Have you started on the chores thing yet? Set up a chores job chart for the boys.
I have another retired female MD friend said that to me. She relocated from the east coast to the west coast with her husband who is still working very part time, a urologist. But I told her that she needs to go outside her comfort zone, your profession is no longer your sole identity and broaden your social horizon and you will find other interesting people.
I have friends from all walks of life, different professionals, different socio-economic status and I can find something interesting about them. They all have their talents so you just have to sharpen up your social skills to know these people.
For night time racing thoughts i listen to http://www.sleepwithmepodcast.com/
Give it a few nights. It has helped me. I barely get past the intro and I’m back asleep.
Glad to hear you’re enjoying the walking!
My advice: don’t tackle too many life changes at a time. If upping your exercise by walking is your first change, take time and let that become a good habit - at least a couple/few weeks. Then tackle something else to add to your new routine - be it meditating or a big diet change. One thing you can do immediately is to cut your portion sizes down - it’s easy to just put 10-20% less on your plate.
Great feedback.
We have an overabundance of kids books at home. S1 has a very varied book diet spanning fiction and non-fiction, appropriate to books written for adults (e.g. hard science fiction like The Martian). I’d say we have well over 5k children’s books at home (including picture books and including hundreds of books the kids picked out themselves).
So lots of options for S2 but he loves his graphic novels. Right now he’s reading Big Nate
Have not sorted chores yet.
Our housekeeper told S1 to “shut up” and S2 has complained about her so we’re looking for a sitter now take over childcare duties, so the housekeeper just does housekeeping. Anyway the whole process is time consuming.
I’m down two lbs as of this morning.
Ah, the nanny sagas. Been there, done that. Not fun. One day you won’t need them anymore.
I am another who says just let them read what they want to read, as long as it’s appropriate and they are reading.
My middle son barely read till third grade and ultimately became a NM commended student (might have done better if he’d actually studied for the test, but…) with a 760 verbal SAT. He actually began reading when he wanted to see the movie “Holes” and wanted oldest son (4 years older, so 12 to his 8) to take him to the theater instead of me. I made a bargain that if he read the book first and could answer questions about it, they could go. Of note is that he enjoyed the book over the movie. It worked and he is a reader. to this day, primarily sci fi fantasy stuff, but you never know.
A few weeks ago, we paid a shiva call and my two middle sons and two of their friends came with us. They are all early 20’s. We took them out to dinner and the conversation turned to reading. It turned out that in HS, my middle son and one of the other boys decided to read “Paradise Lost” on a whim! They enjoyed it and were reminiscing about it and I had no clue. They are now thinking of joint reading a book and talking about it together, sort of like a book club for Eagle Scouts. So, right now, you are laying the seeds for a future reader and if graphic novels or Captain Underpants (which my guys loved, too) will do it, so be it. S17 got into reading with the Percy Jackson series about a boy who finds out that Poseidon is his father.
Another thing that I would suggest for your son(s) is Boy Scouts. All 4 of my sons were in it for years. H and I only this year gave up running our Venturing crew. Now that scouting is co-ed (my D is SO angry that she missed out on this as she hated Girl Scouts), I think it will be even better. My oldest son, who is Aspie, has friends from scouting to this day. My middle boys’ core group of friends is comprised of boys they know from scouting. 6 of them are away this weekend at a Magic The Gathering tournament (as opposed to hocus pocus magic). I think scouting is very open to the kid who is out of the box, at least in my experience. All of mine are, even though only the oldest has the Aspie dx. A good scouting troop encourages independence, resourcefulness and respect for others. At our events, the boys set up, served and cleaned, they ate last after their guests. They cleaned their camp sites and participated in social causes. I don’t know if it fits your lifestyle, but it’s a great activity for non sports kids. As the kids got older, they would do things like attend each other’s school plays, concerts and recitals, without being forced. The level of support within my sons’ core group is amazing. The core group, as I refer to it, now ranges in age from 18 (S17’s friend, he himself just turned 19) through the unofficial leader of the group, who is 28 and was a counselor at the sleep away camp when the younger boys attended. There are few groups where boys of such diverse ages can interact, socialize and have legitimate friendships based on shared interests. One of the few parenting decisions I never second guess is scouting. I will also say that I made SO many mom friends through scouting as well.
Biked Saturday 90 mins and walked 4 miles today (with the whole family, we decided to walk to/drop off S2 at a birthday party across town). I cannot believe how happy this mild physical exercise is making me. It’s psychosomatic I’m sure, but I’ll take it!
We trooped home in the cold rain and lit a fire as soon as we got home (a wood burning fireplace is one of the perks that makes our creaky, leaky, quirky and absolutely ancient apartment so great).
S1 was reading The Martian for the 100th time.
S2 and I played Sushi Go, Dragonwood, and a let’s-see-who-can-bounce-the-bouncy-ball-into-the-cardboard-box game.
A very nice end to Sunday.
S1 had OT over the summer and was prescribed 10 floor exercises (a mix of yoga and gym class stuff). 8 months later, long after OT ended, he still does them nightly. Every night like religion. He can be so absent minded and lost in his world, but the things he cares about he is ON. I’m so proud if his commitment and inspired too.
You recognized that something needed to change in your life and you’ve taken the bull by the horns. You are doing great.
S2 Picked up a CHAPTER BOOK this morning! Just looked at our shelves and picked it up and started reading - then asked for a bookmark before heading to school! And not just any chapter book… The Great Brain! I read the boys the whole series last spring. S2 said, “I like it better when you read it mommy” then when I smiled in response, he opened it, started reading and disappeared into the book.
S1 decided Duolingo Japanese was too fast-paced (I agree) and let it drop (hoped it would stay dropped) but he asked me to find him a different system. So I found workbook with corresponding youtube videos. We shall see. He also asked if he could do robotics camp next summer. I changed the subject. I’m not ready to say, “kid, we tried two camps and you were kicked out of both!” (One was CTY, OK, that was too ambitious, the other was a laid back Lego camp called “We Play” - both were unmitigated disasters.) He’s doing special needs camp affiliated with the center where he received CBT therapy this summer, which has a 1:1.5 camper/counselor ratio… and we’re hoping THIS works. I can’t imagine robotics camp.
I’m struggling with: how do I parent the child who he IS vs the child who he THINKS HE IS vs the child he WANTS TO BE. If that makes any sense…
Sorry this thread has become my diary… but I’m basking in the support received and wisdom of this crowd.
Booked the therapist! First appointment early May.
And the walking to work is now a habit. Now I can’t imaging NOT doing it. It is so serene and beautiful.
And S1 is on lesson two of the new Japanese guide. I maintain it won’t last but I’m going with it for now because he so motivated.
And S2 is S2. We played board games all weekend, and after a day of biking he curled up with me and read his beloved comic books, pointing out his favorite parts to me.
After all of the stress and drama of the past 6 years (right on the heels of the stress of having babies/toddlers)… it doesn’t feel normal to be so relaxed.
Answering my own question from above, I don’t think I know who S1 is. Nobody does, including S1. My job is to let him guide his own life in an age-appropriate manner, managing expectations but not predetermining that of which he is capable. The most important thing is the self-determination part.
I’m so pleased to read you’ve booked an appointment with a therapist! I hope it turns out to be a good fit and very helpful. If not, keep knocking on doors.
You’re in the thick of parenting right now. Don’t forget you!