Here is my last version of my essay. I tried ironing out all the “issues”. I’m shooting it off today, so please, if you notice anything disturbing, please reply asap
<p>I liked this one. I've seen other version(s). The only part I found a little cheesy is your monologue with the Brain but if you don't think it is cheesy, let it be there. By the way, it is 'pals' not 'palls'. I would also use the term 'one-on-one' not '1-on-1'. I would also change this sentence:
"One of my greatest pet peeves is using equipment and not having the slightest idea how it works'
"I hate using equipment and not knowing how it works".
Simplicity is always better. </p>
<p>Also what is 'ability imagine'? Don't you mean your imagination? </p>
<p>The last sentence of the essay could be left out. It does not convey anything.</p>
<p>On the whole, though, if I were to write this essay, I would cut parts of the first paragraph and the other introductory stuff and write more about my personality. But I liked this essay. Good luck!</p>
<p>Change 'I have been observant' to 'I am known to have a keen sense of observation'.</p>
<p>Thanks achat for catching those errors.. I have a tendency to miss these errors while proof reading.</p>
<p>Common folks. 48 views 1 reply.. I need some more feedback. I only got 6 hours to go!</p>
<p>Potato, I would expound more on your experience at Hewlett Packard and cut out some of the benefits of potato as a crop if I were you. It's up to you, though. What questions did you ask your supervisor and what was unusual about the questions, if you have a repertoire of questions (that you remember)..</p>
<p>Btw, are you applying to Stanford?</p>
<p>No, Boston college and boston university</p>
<p>Good luck. I think it is a good essay and has potential. </p>
<p>(I thought Stanford because Stanford likes entrepreneurs)...never mind.</p>
<p>fix grammar & spelling errors.
first paragraph - 8 = eight, "they have been now been"
second paragraph - thee = the; agreement: someone/they
third paragraph "begun" = began</p>
<p>Reread carefully. Seems a bit rushed. Carefully edit for mistakes.
<p>Yes, Im not good at catching errors while proof reading my essay. Unfortunately no one close to me wants to read it (former teachers, sister parent). Thats why I have no other choice but to have my friends here in College confidential edit it for me.</p>
<p>2 hours to go!!</p>