Stanford or NYU Tisch or potentially LAMDA?

I want to start off by saying that I recognize how lucky and privileged I am to have been accepted to these schools - I am super grateful for these opportunities, and choosing one out of these schools is a difficult but a good problem to have.

I am a high school grad on gap year, who up until two days ago, was heading to NYU Tisch for acting at the Atlantic Studio. I was really excited for Tisch, because not only could I get fantastic BFA training, but I could also double major in an academic subject (the best of both worlds for a nerd-artist like me!).

Yesterday morning, however, I received my acceptance off of Stanford’s waitlist. I genuinely do not know what to do.

I am 95 percent sure that acting and screenwriting are what I want to do with my life. I want a career in the arts, but I do not know if Stanford will give me the best connections to make my artistic aspirations come true. I am not interested in being an actor because of fame or money - I am an artist because it is the best way I can see myself making a difference in the world, using my art to address societal issues, to challenge social norms, and to help people empathize, think, and grow.

However, I recognize that all is not lost if I went to Stanford: I think of some of my favorite artists like Mindy Khaling, John Krasinski, Matt Damon…established actors, producers, directors, and writers who went to Dartmouth, Brown, and Harvard respectively and managed to make their way into a career in entertainment. I still cannot help but feel disappointed for some reason - which is, pardon my language, but SH*TTY and ridiculous and absurd because…IT’S STANFORD. At the same time, I don’t want to go to a university for four years where everyone sees my profession as “cute” or “One hell of a dream”, and I end up falling into a career that doesn’t fulfill me, that depresses me, and I end up looking back at my college decision with regret.

I recognize that this post is resembling some terrible apocalyptic movie in the sense that it is incredibly melodramatic with poor writing and that I am being such a 20-year-old theatre student… BUT THIS IS STRESSFUL. AND IT IS A BIG DECISION. AND I AM A TWENTY YEAR-OLD THEATRE KID.

Cultural Context: I am an Asian American woman - my mother is a classic Korean immigrant tiger mom. You can imagine how she feels about Stanford (AMAZING) - you can also imagine how she feels about my acting career (Hopeless and pointless). I have been warned by both my brother and my father that should I not accept Stanford, I would risk losing a relationship with my mother, and they have lamented their own relationship with her would become incredibly strained. She would disown me and potentially not pay for my college (ESPECIALLY if that university was NYU).

I know this is super long, so I will just mention one more thing: LAMDA. LAMDA is arguably one of the best acting conservatories in England, possibly in the world. My mother, who is obsessed with stats, would I suspect be a little appeased should I go to a school as selective as LAMDA (NYU is also selective, but arguably to a lesser extent). Here I would have an amazing opportunity to further my career in a dramatic way (no pun intended). I would have access to incredible resources, my talent would be exposed to top casting agents in LA, NY and London - and something I’ve noticed which I do not know is just a happy coincidence, but a lot of acting alumni that I have met from LAMDA are also avid writers.

However, mentioning LAMDA may be moot, as I have not gotten in yet (I have just scheduled the final recall audition). I know it’s best to not worry about an opportunity that has yet to appear…but I can’t help it. It is such an amazing school. I still am undecided as to which one would be the best for me.

Right now your choice is between NYU and Stanford. Worry about LAMDA if you are ever admitted there.

You need to clarify with your family about the money. Will they pay for NYU now that you have an offer of admission from Stanford, or not? Because it is almost certain that you won’t be able to pay for NYU on your own.

Why you applied to Stanford in the first place, if you truly aren’t interested in attending, and why you assume that most of the people at Stanford would think a theater major is “cute” are questions that you need to address with yourself. Get some clarity about those two things. Stanford ended up on your application list for a reason. The Department of Theater & Performance Studies looks to offer a decent program for students in its various majors. You certainly wouldn’t be the only major in the department! If you do end up at Stanford and find that you finish with a non-theater major and change career goals it won’t be Stanford’s fault. You could make that same change at NYU or any other place where you would end up studying.

If the only way to get your education is for Tiger Mom to pay for Stanford now, then go there. Do well. NYU, Julliard, and a whole bunch of other places can be on your MFA application list when you are ready for that next step.

Although there is no comparison between NYU and Stanford for acting, Stanford has a LOT of cachet in the acting world. In the USA there is a weird belief that performing artists aren’t smart. While this isn’t true - there seems to be no correlation between academic talent and acting or dancing talent (though dancers have other skills which help them in school).

So while attending Stanford may not allow you to make all of the connections that attending NYU would, having a degree from Stanford would make you a lot more noticeable than you realize. When auditioning for a part, or looking for a job related to acting, there will likely be a bunch of people there from NYU, Calarts, Julliard, etc. There will not be very many who studied at Stanford, and Stanford has a ton of positive name recognition.

But even more importantly, what Stanford also has is one of the best creative writing programs in the country. For an aspiring screen writer, there can be no better training.

An acting BFA from NYU will put you in an amazing place to start an acting career. A BA from Stanford will open up many other doors.

Stanford is a great school, obviously, and the two posts above support that.

What I’m confused about is how you actually feel about what you essentially describe as a situation of both emotional and financial blackmail to attend Stanford. This is not clear from your post. It’s a different issue, but it could set a pattern for the rest of your life (mom will shut you out if you choose an unacceptable path - so that could still be a problem for acting after Stanford - and your father and brother enabling her to do so by blaming you, unfairly in my opinion, for their relationship potentially deteriorating with her as a result of your actions.) Your hands may be tied financially now to doing what she wants, but what when she wants to dictate your career path too? If she threatens to disown you for an acting career?

NYU Tisch has the connections that you seek.