<p>So, I’ve delayed posting this thread for quite a while…mostly out of fear about how others here will respond, but I’m hoping there are other students who are feeling or who have felt like I am. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! This will be a pretty long post. </p>
<p>I’m having a bit of a nervous/rough patch at the moment. I’m an incoming upper-division transfer student, and I start classes at my new four-year university on Monday. I’m incredibly excited to be starting at a new school, especially after going through the transfer process, and especially considering that I got into my top-choice school. At the same time, however, I’m so nervous. I’m starting to worry that I won’t measure up to the other students, despite being a hardworking, ambitious, go-getter student who earns top grades. My former professors have adored me. I love being the one student in each of my classes that others look up to. I’ve been told that I was “the best undergraduate writer” one of my former professors has read. I’ve had rock-solid plans about my future academic and career-related endeavors, and I’m proud of the fact that I’m able to stick by them and pursue them with strength and passion. I’m a history student who can’t imagine studying anything else besides history, or pursuing a career in a non-history related field; I’ve loved the subject since childhood. I ultimately want to pursue my doctorate in early twentieth century American social history, and become a professor. Lately, though, I’ve been so scared that my plans will fall through and that I will fail miserably in successfully achieving them. </p>
<p>What’s odd is that I didn’t start worrying about this at all until midway through this past summer. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited about my new opportunities, but I’m just worried about failure. </p>
<p>How does this relate to starting classes at my new school? For the past three years that I’ve been at community college, I’ve usually been the only (or one out of a few) history majors in each of my classes. Now I’m going to be one out of many history majors at a large, four-year university - a university which is known for its stellar history department at that. I’ve been crying myself to sleep at times wondering, “What if the other students are all better and are more qualified than I am? What if my professors hate me and favor them? What if my professors want to have nothing to do with me? What if they hate my writing? What if I don’t get into Phi Alpha Theta (the honors history society)?” On top of that, I want to win history scholarship(s), find amazing internships, possibly one in D.C. for the summer, win the Outstanding History Student award (it sounds cheesy, but it’s a pretty significant award for the department), attend more academic conferences, etc. I want to be even prouder of myself and I want others to look up to me. </p>
<p>If it’s not already obvious (haha), I compare myself a great deal to other students. It can be really unhealthy at times. I just hate failure, and I want to achieve my specific ambitions. I worry that the competition between students in my department will be overwhelming. My ambitions mean so much to me. I’m so passionate about what I study.</p>
<p>I’m so worried that these other students will stomp all over me and my past achievements, and I’ll just fall apart. I know it sounds so silly, but I’m truly scared. I went to orientation in July, and connected with a few other history majors, but I was shocked at how only two out of about a dozen of them had graduate school/career plans. I’m honestly more anxious about the students who have been there since freshman year, versus transfer students like myself. I’m afraid the professors already have their “favorite” students. I’m also worried about smaller issues like not making any new friends, not finding a solid social group, and not networking properly. My former history professors at my community college told me not to worry, that I’ll be fine and whatnot, but at the same time I didn’t expect to become this nervous about starting at a new school. </p>
<p>I recently just turned 21, so I don’t know if this is a precursor to a pre-quarter life “crisis,” or if it’s just being afraid of what upper division work entails, but it’s becoming more and more nerve wracking as the first day of classes approaches. My boyfriend attends the same school, so at least I have him for support. I got to know one person in particular from orientation, and she’ll be in one of my classes, so I can always look forward to that too. </p>
<p>I will definitely be seeing an on-campus therapist for this as soon as I find out how to schedule an appointment, but until then, it’s been tough to find any peace or any solutions for this anxiety. I get that responding with “smoke weed” or “pop a Xanax” might be “funny” to a few of you, but I’m not that sort of person. I’m looking for concrete advice and for support from those who have gone through the similar situation. I’m hoping there’s someone who understands what this situation is like, and who has even gone through it themselves.</p>