Statement of purpose critique

<p>This is my statement of purpose for one of the many schools I am applying to.I am not sure what else to include or expand on. I have a limit of 600 words. Any suggestions are welcomed thank you!</p>

<p>Entering into a graduate program will be a great privilege to me. Coming from a family were neither my father nor mother graduated from high school, I faced various challenges. However, education and the support of my family helped me overcome those challenges to develop into a better human being and student. Life has taught me that not everyone that is willing to succeed has the opportunity to do so because they lack the basic tools of survival. This was revealed to me through various experiences while living in Guatemala for four years, where I experienced the vast poverty and marginalization that majority of the population encounters. Close encounters with poverty and the suffering of people have led me to dismiss the belief and practice in the oppression of humans due to their socioeconomic status, race, gender or any other means of classification. The study of political science has provided me the tools to understand the origin of conflicts, human nature, and its effects on the condition of humanity. As a consequence of my life experiences, I have always had a desire to make a difference and be a leader at times when others fail to arise. This is evident throughout my undergraduate career by taking leadership positions at various times such as being the president of the History and Government Organization on campus and leading class projects such as the construction of a school for children in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Education is the only means by which people gain empowerment. An M.A. in International Relations will be a step that will allow me to make an impact not only in the field of political science as a scholar, but it will also allow me to conduct research that will make a difference in people’s lives.
I have a diverse interest within the field of political science, as well as other social sciences. SAIS perfectly combines my interest in economics and social development in their International Relations program through their belief in the individual’s foundation in economics, foreign language and regional studies. SAIS will not only provide me with the tools to become a scholar, but a professional. As a federal employee, I have had the opportunity to develop knowledge and experience in the internal formulation of policy and its external applications. However, through the education and Global orientation that SAIS programs poses, I believe that I can improve my effectiveness as an employee and leader.
In order to understand government and politics in an international context, it is essential for one to also acquire knowledge in history, sociology, and economics. Some of my main interest within the study of international relations include: U.S. foreign policy, Human Development, theory of international relations, and conflict resolution. My goal is to be a scholar and activist, one who researches and teaches others the importance that government and politics plays in their everyday lives. Many of my professors have influenced me and shown me that I can also make a positive impact on others through teaching and encouraging leadership. Having had strong dedication to my undergraduate career, I intend to the same for graduate school. With millions of people dying on a daily basis in the developing world waiting for help, I do not have the luxury of not taking school seriously. My goal is to provide people with the tools for empowerment through education and the foundations for better lives through my research, which will demand better conditions for all people around the world. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to develop my full potential as a political science scholar.</p>

<p>Are you originally from Guatemala? If so, you should mention that when you talk about living there for four years.</p>

<p>I am not familiar with your field, but I thought it was a decent essay. Hopefully someone with more insight in your area of study will be able to offer a more valuable opinion.</p>

<p>This is for an MA program in International relations or political science. I was born in the United States but my father is from Guatemala and my mother is from Mexico. I lived in Guatemala as a child.</p>

<p>At the moment, I only had time to skim over your SOP but I noticed a number of glaring grammatical and structural issues that are likely to be kisses of death to an SOP in any field. Watch your grammar and spelling as any mistake here shows sloppiness and no grad program wants to admit a careless researcher/student. Examples of glarin mistakes include where vs. were and colloquial vs formal (correct) word usage (“family where” would be better worded “family which” or similar) as well as use of articles (a, an, the).
Finally, some sentence structures sound awkward, proofread it aloud. Best of luck!</p>

<p>Thank You. I will look at it more carefully. This is a draft.</p>

<p>I agree with apumic.</p>

<p>Also I felt that it was a litlte disorganized. You need stronger topic sentences for each of your paragraphs telling your reader your main points. Scrap the essay and try again with a clear outline and stronger opening.</p>

<p>Next time, for the sake of your privacy, post a thread asking if anyone wants to read your SOP through PM or at least omit the school’s name and any other personal info.</p>

<p>thanks for your imput :)</p>