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Nope. I went back to work at 10 weeks with my kids and breastfed them exclusively until 9 months, when we started adding solid food, and didn’t wean until age 2. It is absolutely doable. Many of the women I have worked with over the years have also worked and breastfed, and the vast majority of the women in my La Leche League groups did, as well, in some configuration or other.</p>
<p>romani: just because I know you get that women have always worked outside the home - as they gave birth and cared for children. </p>
<p>Here is an early american example:</p>
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<p>[History</a> of the American Revolution - Book Review: A Midwife’s Tale (showing 1-4 of 4)](<a href=“http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/144797-book-review-a-midwife-s-tale]History”>History of the American Revolution - Book Review: A Midwife's Tale Showing 1-4 of 4)</p>
<p>I didn’t find breastfeeding easy and thus tend to regard it as a rather heroic activity. 
doable and yet heroic</p>
<p>Yes. SAHM as we understand it now is an extremely new and unusual event in the history of the world.</p>
<p>seconding alh re: breastfeeding. I worked and pumped for a while. it is physically exhausting, time consuming, and logistically demanding (dedicated time and private space at work to pump and refrigeration needed). Many women do it as I did because it was “best” for baby, but it does add some demands on mom. Others have no choice for financial reasons. I think pregnancy and breastfeeding do “tilt” the stay at home selection to the moms when the kid(s) are very little. That being said, the rest of parenting can be equally well done by either parent IMO. </p>
<p>In our home, eventually, I took a flexible job (also less interesting and lower paying) and became the primary parent despite earning multiples of H (he was military and I was inv. banker). H and I decided that - for OUR family - both of us could not have inflexible jobs and a good marriage and happy kids. H needed a career for his self esteem. Even 19 years ago, a SAHD (or even a working dad that had to get to day care by 6 for a pick up or take a day off when a kid was sick) was quite rare in our community. Thank goodness things have changed. Many of the younger dads and moms in my office seem to have a better life/work balance than was available to me when my kids were babies. </p>
<p>I would have LOVED to have been a SAHM. H would have HATED being a SAHD. I wonder if we would have made a different choice if we were having kids now versus almost 20 years ago.</p>
<p>I worked while breastfeeding my first two children. Fortunately, with my first child, I was teaching and he was born in the summer, so I had about 2 months off. With my 2nd child, I was working the day before the birth, and took two weeks off afterward. That was my choice. It was easier for me to sit at my desk than to take care of two babies (including a nephew) and a toddler at home.</p>
<p>When I said it was more “natural” for the woman to stay home, I didn’t at all mean it is unnatural for women to work. (Staying home with kids is a lot of work, too.)
Pregnancy, birth/recovery, and breastfeeding (which is not required, though it is highly recommended for the benefit of the baby) can go very smoothly, OR can involve various unpredictable complications. And many women breastfeed for a much shorter time than they would prefer, due to the difficulty of breastfeeding while working/pumping, etc. It is much easier to breastfeed at home. The male doesn’t deal with these issues,(I’m including pregnancy/delivery complications that may require rest or hospitalizaton, also, not just breastfeeding) so it makes more sense that he would be the one to leave the home/children. Women have always worked, but men worked farther from home and didn’t take young children with him. I’ll repeat what someone mentioned early on–females exhibit more nurturing behavior toward young children than males. It is natural for mothers to want to stay with their young children. Modern birth control and the development of good infant formulas in recent years have “freed” women in developed countries from some of the obvious biological “burdens” of being female. (BTW, I lived in Africa for a couple years, and breastfeeding behavior/attitudes were very different.)
Once the children are in school and don’t need constant care, that is a different phase of parenting.
I do know a lot of stay at home dads–but none of infants, only school age children. I’ve had some nice conversations with these dads, but I don’t want to hang out at their houses too long when their wives aren’t around, or try to develop friendships with them, because it seems inappropriate and could give others the wrong impression.</p>
<p>Just to give this discussion some context, in 2011, only 3.4% of all stay at home parents were stay at home dads</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.bc.edu/content/dam/files/centers/cwf/pdf/The%20New%20Dad%20Right%20at%20Home%20BCCWF%202012.pdf[/url]”>http://www.bc.edu/content/dam/files/centers/cwf/pdf/The%20New%20Dad%20Right%20at%20Home%20BCCWF%202012.pdf</a></p>
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<p><a href=“Home Economics: The Link Between Work-Life Balance and Income Equality - The Atlantic”>Home Economics: The Link Between Work-Life Balance and Income Equality - The Atlantic;
<p>I feel like women are more likely to stay home because they typically make less money - a combination of societal attitudes and individual factors. </p>
<p>My mom stayed at home with me for nine years. She had a masters but her field was less lucrative. I feel like she did not enjoy spending her time focusing on me (they decided to have only one child) and hanging out with primarily SAHMs (who tended to be the wives of my father’s coworkers). Granted, we are immigrants so maybe that worsened the scenario. She went back to grad school and got another masters and is working on her PhD and seems way happier and more satisfied. Maybe I benefited a bit (?) - I could do lots of activities and had easier access to books and things. For the first couple years, I lived with my grandparents as my parents travelled a bit in our home country (for what it’s worth, I did not like breast milk). </p>
<p>People have suggested to me that if I want to focus on a high powered career, I find someone who will be a SAHD. I find it interesting that these people were the ones critical of Sheryl Sanderberg’s relatively successful relationship/family with a similarly powerful husband. Those individuals stated that parenting is most necessary during the teenage years and deemed her current model as impossible over the long term. I have had more problems, certainly, in my teen years but I don’t think having my parents around more often would’ve solved them. I had to grow and learn to deal with things myself. But I am an only child and we have moved quite a few times in my life, so maybe I am just used to being independent on most things - applications, Ecs, schoolwork etc. I abhor dependency. </p>
<p>I would probably been better off if both of my parents had been around more often - my dad had to work late and then worked far away from us. Knowing that my parents love me and being able to seem them is quite sufficient for me. That being said, I suppose it differs from child to child. </p>
<p>I have found in the career I plan to pursue, many academics marry each other. Many women who have recently came back from pregnancies entrust the care of their children to the grandparents. I have no idea if this kind of relationship is typical in Western families, though - most of these women are not native American or Canadian. I don’t know how I’d feel about it, but it worked well enough for my parents. </p>
<p>I think if you plan well and think things through - one child is easier to care for than multiple, you can be successful without having any stay at home parents. As to the dearth of SAHDs - that may change as society’s attitudes change and less women want to be SAHMs. I saw this study (which is admittedly not perfect): [Most</a> Women Would Rather Divorce Than Be a Housewife » Sociological Images](<a href=“http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/01/28/mens-and-womens-gender-ideologies-ideals-and-fallbacks/]Most”>Most Women Would Rather Divorce Than Be a Housewife - Sociological Images) . Life is about personal satisfaction - individuals should do what gives them the most happiness. I could not be happy staying at home for many reasons and I will likely not pursue it, even if I do choose to reproduce.</p>
<p>When my kids grew up, they saw me going to work and my husband working from home. I had babysitters til my son was 6, so my husband wasn’t exactly a SAHD, but he was around. I remember when my son had a friend over for a playdate, who was surprised and I think, a little envious that H was home. He said “my dad’s never home. He’s always out.” S said when he grows up, he wants to be a dad who stays home, and a dad who goes out. I hope he achieves that kind of balance. Or maybe he’ll end up on the cover of some magazine, 20 years from now: why men can’t have it all. :)</p>
<p>One of the refreshing things about this thread is that we have a number of obviously accomplished women who are willing to say out loud in public that they actually preferred being SAHMs.</p>
<p>I agree that everyone should try and arrange their life in the way that works best for them, but the bottom line is that for many people–even people who have high status jobs–dragging your butt to work from 9 to 5 or 6, five days a week, for twenty or thirty years, is not a lot of McFun.</p>
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<p>And this contributes greatly to why I find it lonely being a SAHD. And I don’t mean to say that I blame atomom or any mom who feels this way. I think they’re probably right. But it does contribute to my not having a lot of friends.</p>
<p>^^you say your kids are older. If you don’t find the other dads you want to hang out with at their activities, can’t you find other men to do hobbies with while the kids are at school? sports, cards, etc?</p>
<p>If you lived close to me, I’d invite you to my weekly lunch group. Since you probably don’t, I encourage you to start your own. When our kids very young, I had a girls night out dinner once a month. I also did exercise classes. And a book club. It was good to be with other adults.</p>
<p>It does seem to me it takes a lot of time and effort to create friendships.</p>
<p>It’s changing, slowly. My brother is a SAHD. Two of my close friends have daughters who are the primary wage earners and the husbands would be the one to stay home if one or the other were to do so. </p>
<p>It’s very difficult on the mothers when this happens. There is something to having had this fetus blossum into a baby within your body. Throw in the breast feeding and the hormones, and these women, all high power job holders, do cry some tears over leaving their babies home for the hours they do. FOr all the talk about equality, that is a physiological fact of life. The rest, one can work around, but the emotions, fueled by the hormones are a whole other story.</p>
<p>@ alh–It is somewhat better now that my kids are older. I should have used the past tense.</p>
<p>@ cpt–My wife would say…not exactly that, but something similar. She often felt awkward, for instance, when we’d go to some event at school and she knew nobody. And she often felt that she’d missed a lot of goings on in the kids’ lives that she never intended to miss.</p>
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That’s a very sad study 
How could you divorce your spouse just to have a career?</p>
<p>Sikorsky, it is an issue for my brother as well. He is excluded from a lot of these social things, as his kids are young, and there are very few SAHDs where he lives. He finds it a little awkward on his DD play dates as well, as he isn’t as savvy about little girl things and doesn’t have the comraderie that other women would have and to exchange stories, talk and get advice.</p>
<p>Though only a little more than 3% of men are SAHDs in 2011 according to the studies, there is a lot more shift in the stats where both parents work, but the mom is the primary breadwinner and has the less flexible job, so that dad does the bulk of the child care. Around here, a lot of two working parent families. And it 's not always initially evident who the is the one who can do the swing position. I have seen more dads invovled in things and without the mom around in the years with my younger kids. It was hands down the moms who were the ones heavily involved when my older kids (now in their 30s) were in grade school and activities. There has been a change in the picture.</p>
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When my kids were young, everyone in my house pointed out to me, sometimes with considerable derision, that I sucked at making pony tails, braiding hair, etc.</p>
<p>Happily, now the kids are bigger, and nobody expects me to try.</p>
<p>^Good for you for trying. </p>
<p>I definitely missed a big chunk of my kids’ childhoods because I had to work, and I know I’ll never get those years back, but my situation was such that if I didn’t work, we couldn’t afford to have kids. </p>
<p>I do remember feeling left out at school events where it seemed like all the moms knew each other, but later on, I found great friendships with SAHMs who said they felt isolated too. I now think your friends are where you find them. Even if I were home, I can’t say I would automatically be chummy with every other SAHM.</p>
<p>There is no question that today a lot of fathers are more involved in the day to day lives of their children. However, in a variety of ways, there is a HUGE difference between being “a lot more involved” and being a SAHD.</p>