<p>If the sons have jobs and are willing to do tasks around the house (i.e. landscaping) as a form of “rent”…why is this such a problem?</p>
<p>To me, it’s a dumb American cultural expectation, especially due to the economic issues, and many young people might have lost their jobs and can’t find new ones.</p>
<p>FWIW, my grandmother’s neighbors have five adults living in their house - the husband and wife in their fifties, the son (about 30, returned from serving in Afghanistan) and his wife, and the daughter (mid-20s, though she does have serious mental health issues).</p>
<p>We have a couple of non-recent graduates in the neighborhood. They both have great jobs, one with an accounting/consulting firm and one with a Fortune 500 company audit group - both jobs require 50-75% out of town travel. To them and their parents, it just doesn’t make sense to rent an apartment since they would seldom be there.</p>
<p>Given that they are living on expense report most of the month, and only giving a small amount to their parents as rent, they saving most of their check! This won’t last for ever, once they get more serious with their girlfriends or transfer to a job with less travel I’m sure they will be out. But for now, its a win-win. And they will have serious money for the next phase of life.</p>
<p>^^ I agree with this. My dd lives in a small apartment with a room mate a few miles from our home. She’s not saving any money, with rent, car and all of the expenses that go with it. She does have her complete freedom, and is learning to manage on her own, but…
Her childhood buddy is living down the street from us with his parents. He has a great job but is saving money to purchase a home. Which one is doing the smarter thing, given the economy? I tend to think he is.
He also has a girlfriend, and she also lives with her parents while working full time.</p>
<p>A few years from now, the childhood buddy will marry the girlfriend, and they will have enough money to put a down payment on a small place. My Dd will probably still be living in an apartment with a room mate.</p>
<p>My H returned home & took over the family finances. He added his paycheck to the family funds and used it to pay the bills. He was disappointed that it didn’t stretch nearly far enough, even though it was all of his pay, as well as funds that his folks were able to earn. If he hadn’t returned home & taken over the family finances, I’m not certain that the family could have afforded to live in the house they owned! His paycheck was a big contribution toward paying the bills being incurred.</p>
<p>When my sibs returned home after graduating from college (I was the only one who moved out to my own apartment), to my knowledge none of them contributed toward the family finances. I believe they all paid for their own entertainment expenses and gas and auto maintenance, but I believe that was it until after they moved out.</p>
<p>It worked for my folks & worked for my sibs, so why should it matter to anyone else? All of my sibs (except one who remains single but has moved into his own gorgeous house) have married wonderful spouses and live in homes they are comfortable in; they are grateful they were able to save their money until they married and my folks were not in need of their financial contribution to the household.</p>
<p>It is very common in HI for folks to live with their parents until they get married or purchase a place of their own in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Many later move back in (sometimes remodeling the home) to help take care of their aging parents.</p>
<p>My brother (in his 50s) appears to live at home with mommy, but what isn’t readily apparent is that he got divorced at the same time my mother was becoming unable to live alone, so he bought a house suitable for her and they moved in together on his dime. His reasoning was that he didn’t have kids and has a flexible career, so it made sense for him to care for mom. He did this because he knows that if he didn’t take mom in I would have done so even though I have kids, house, husband and job. I can’t even articulate how grateful I am, but I wish there wasn’t such a stigma attached to a guy living with mom.</p>
<p>moonchild, I have to disagree with you. Given the economy, he can be laid off any time and then he is stuck with a mortgage once he bought a house. Your daughter can move home with you without any debt.
I have a few friends who advised their children in their mid to late 20’s to buy a house as soon as they have a down payment. Now almost all who bought in the last 5 years have lost value in their houses. A couple have sold their houses through short sales and are now renting.</p>
<p>lol I’m sure your son will be overjoyed to live with his wife AND his parents in the same house.</p>
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<p>I think your daughter is doing the smarter thing. Having complete freedom is priceless and it is an amazing feeling once you get it. Unfortunately, my parents never saved enough for college, so I ended up commuting to college. Sure, I could have stayed with them after I graduated and got a job, but having complete freedom is a lot more important than saving money.</p>
<p>My brother and SIL invited my Mom to live with them for her final months that turned into a year plus. All the siblings helped out, but my brother and his wife took the lead and did the most. My brother and his wife could move in with us anytime. And don’t forget I want my son to move back in. He helps me make dinner. He’s a joy forever. I don’t fault anyone who feels differently about kids moving back home or staying home. Every situation is different.</p>
<p>Our house is going to be twice as large as our apartment and in a significantly better neighborhood, and our mortgage is going to be less than a third of what we are paying in rent. Our car insurance will go down by half because of the neighborhood upgrade, and our homeowners will be comparable to our renters. We’re at a point where we are ready to settle down in one place, and either of us could sustain the household financially on our sole income-- which is NOT true at all of our apartment living situation, we need both incomes to pay for the apartment and can’t save much. We have the cash for the downpayment without depleting our emergency fund, and will have a VERY large monthly surplus to continue building our nest egg, something we don’t have now. Under the circumstances, I don’t think there’s really any good reason not to buy right now. We have the savings to consider this because BF lived at home for a long time and saved his paychecks. Otherwise we’d be stuck here, paying out the nose, and I don’t know if we’d ever have the money for a downpayment-- or travel, or further education, or anything else we might like to do. That’s not “complete freedom” to me, and that would have lasted a lot longer than the few years BF had to stay home to save that money.</p>
<p>My kids will all be in college come August and when they graduate I would not want them to move back home. I would even prefer to pay the first 3 to 6 months rent to help them get started. I think the freedom and independence of them having their own apartment is a win-win all the way.</p>
<p>insomniatic–I’m not sure it’s crazy to think that our son and friends/wife etc would want to be with us. We’re nice people with few requirements living in a pretty place. Our son does not yet have a wife, but one could do worse than living with us. Some people want their kids to grow up and move along. Others wish their kids would grow up and stay close to home. Both positions seem ok to me.</p>
<p>Actually I do think it’s crazy. Unless I was financially strapped and had nowhere else to go, I could never imagine voluntarily living with my girlfriend/wife/friend and my parents in the same house. </p>
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<p>Actually the second position is not ok. Every parents should allow their kids to grow up and have their own lives.</p>
<p>Our son is 23, but my uncle stayed on the family farm until he was maybe 70 and got married for the first time then. He had 20 happy years of marriage until his wife died. I don’t want a dog and some friends think I’m crazy. Give me my son (if he wants to be here). How is that a bad thing? No dog, thanks very much.</p>
<p>Wow, you must have some issues with your family or something. We do not expect our kid to stay close to home, but we would welcome it. How is this sick?</p>