<p>Well, great, you want your kids to move on. Our son has moved on and we love to have him back with us. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. Or with my uncle who stayed on the farm until he was 70 and then got married. I also don’t think it’s wrong for parents not to want their kids to come back. Who is being judgmental her?</p>
<p>^^There’s nothing wrong with wanting your kids to stay close by. You are obviously not a parent, insomniatic.</p>
<p>Ema- Good for you and your fiance. I think you’re doing a smart thing. Rents are really high right now, and may remain so. I still think home ownership is a good way to save.
You just need to be smart about what you buy, and it sounds like you are.</p>
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<p>You are putting words in my mouth. There is a complete difference living close by your parents and living under the same roof with your parents.</p>
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<p>Both you and your husband think this?</p>
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<p>Again, listen to your friends.</p>
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<p>I don’t know your location, but this is not the norm where I live in coastal California or in any metropolitan city in CA.</p>
<p>If it works for a family, that is perfectly fine to me. In my personal situation, I would prefer to downsize and live in an apartment once all of our kids are able to live on their own. </p>
<p>When DH and I got married, it never even occurred to us to live with either of our families. We wanted our own place, and would have been unhappy with any other situation.</p>
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<p>I would imagine 99+% of people would agree with that.</p>
<p>Not in some cultures. ANd on a pragmatic level, it may make sense to move in with the parents to save for a better home sooner. But, absolutely not for us. We lived in some rank places rather than even thinking about moving in with parents.</p>
<p>It is a luxury to be able to live these preferences. My husband’s aunt and uncle have had a full house with multigenerations. In some cases, it was either that or a homeless shelter for some family members. My one son has told us outright that he would rather live in such a shelter than move back home with us.</p>
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<p>It is a luxury to not have to live in a bad place?</p>
<p>insomniatic–I can’t imagine that our son would agree to live with us, but to say that it would be sorta sick if he would want to, I have to think your family dynamic is different from ours. We welcome our son home at any moment, but would never expect it of him. Yes, my husband would also love to have our son back home if he wanted to be here. For any amount of time. It’s ok if you and/or your family feel differently.</p>
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<p>Never used the work sick. Never even said it would be sorta sick if he wanted to. I never even mentioned him, so don’t know what you are reading.</p>
<p>This is your comment that I think is creepy: “I don’t want a dog and some friends think I’m crazy. Give me my son (if he wants to be here)”.</p>
<p>Just be careful about judging other families whose sons are living with them. My two sons both appear normal but have major mental illnesses. The older one, who will be a college junior next year, will probably live at home for a long time to come. He makes excellent grades, and I imagine some people wonder why in the world he’s not living on campus. He says the thought of that is way beyond his comfort zone.</p>
<p>My younger son, on the other hand, is the type who will prefer living in a homeless shelter to being at home once he’s out of high school. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.</p>
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<p>I agree.</p>
<p>I just judge parents who want their children to move back home. Just seems weird.</p>
<p>Yes, Insomniatic, for those who are just out of school , just starting work, in this area where I live, it is a luxury to be able to live in a safe, clean place. It’s also a luxury to not have to live with parents or other family members or roommates. </p>
<p>In one family situation, it would truly be a luxury for the homeowners to have the house to themselves, and for the children to be able to live in their own dwellings. The money isn’t there to pay the rent for them and they don’t make the money or have the credit to find their own decent places to live. THrow some young children into the mix, and living in a multigenerational situtation is the best affordable alternative by far.</p>
<p>I have two octogenerians living with us because any other living arrangement has not worked out well. Nursing homes led to degenerations and extreme unhappiness. Ideally,both mothers would have their own places near by with 24 hour live in help , with us just looking in to make sure all is well. Not affordable. Ideally, my son would have his own apartment, but his last two living arrangements were disasters due to the fact that they were “bad places” to live. Dangerous with a number of incidents that occurred too close for comfort and too numerous to ignore. </p>
<p>So yes, I do believe it is a luxury to be able to afford ones own home in a safe, clean place.</p>
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<p>Where do you live? That’s definitely not the norm here.</p>
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<p>I guess you’re definition of luxury is different than mine.</p>
<p>Clearly it is.</p>
<p>So it is weird that I welcome my kid back home? He’s just here for 2 weeks, but we would welcome him home forever or support him in being elsewhere if that’s what he wants, which mostly he does. He hasn’t been home for months.</p>
<p>There’s a big difference between a freeloading son (or daughter) moving back in and contributing little to the household income and chores vs. two or more generations living in the same house and all helping out and being responsible. (This, of course, doesn’t even include caregiving situations.)</p>
<p>Some families would welcome the multi-generation, all people contributing model; others would think it is a bad idea for any number of reasons. Why in the world should it matter to anyone outside the family?</p>
<p>Guys, just ignore insom. He can’t seem to fathom any way of living other than his/her own. Everything else is clearly wrong. Duh.</p>
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<p>I wouldn’t imagine so, as far as I know housing prices are quite expensive in CA relative to other areas. That isn’t the case in Michigan, where houses are dirt cheap and apartments can be astronomical. It’s shocking for me to look at the markets in other states and see houses selling for several hundred thousand dollars that would likely only be 50k or so around here and don’t even seem very nice to me… fascinating to see how locales vary! A mortgage here on a decent family home in a nicer neighborhood is WAY less than rent would be in a quality apartment. Especially if the apartment is in the same neighborhood-- we live 20 minutes away in a bad neighborhood and our rent is still way higher than the mortgage payments would be, the rent for the apartments in the nice neighborhood is unthinkably high. There’s just no good reason to rent unless you are not ready to commit to a home purchase.</p>
<p>I think it’s a shame to judge multi-generational families that are actually happy that way and working together. I find the subject of the OP a little disturbing because it seems like those sons are taking advantage of mom’s generosity… but I guess as long as everybody is happy and the future wives know what they are getting into, it’s not hurting anybody. I see NO reason to judge families that are actually working together and contributing to the household. I wouldn’t do it, but the house I grew up in isn’t large enough to be a multi-generational home, and we just don’t get along that well-- for families that do, it must be nice to have that option if that’s something they’re interested in. I don’t think we can liken the conscious choice to live together cooperatively to spoiled, entitled young people who lack the skills or maturity to move out… two entirely different things.</p>
<p>I, for one, would not mind living next door to future MIL in the slightest. She’s great. Both our mothers are very eager to be involved but also extremely hypervigilant about boundaries-- my own mother won’t even call unless she gets permission via text first. I’ve had some pretty terrible neighbors over the years, really I could do a lot worse than our parents!</p>