<p>You’re trying to use too many big words. I’d give it a 4 personally, but I’m not really qualified to grade. Your first example I wasn’t really feeling… and you over-elaborated on it compared to the second. Also, your sentence structure had some grammatical errors.</p>
<p>“Everyday I would arrive to class very late, not only would this hurt myself…”</p>
<p>“No, from now on everything changes, I would prove to that power hungry teacher, I’m ready and prepared.”</p>
<p>“In Ireland there was a potato famine, people were starving, nonetheless it was also overpopulated.”</p>
<p>“The promise for…”</p>
<p>Additionally, expand on the conclusion and intro.</p>