<p>Hi book_worm,</p>
<p>I can’t let your 30 minutes go wasted. 
I’ll give you a quick review of the essay. I’d score this essay a strong 9. It has all the elements of an excellent essay but is minorly lacking in a few areas. I’ll explain more below.</p>
<p>Strengths:
+As previously mentioned, all the elements of a strong essay are there. The introduction follows the CABE structure, the examples support your position, and the conclusion sums up your point well.</p>
<p>+Good language use. I didn’t see any glaring grammatical mistakes or usage errors, and some good words (multitude) and punctuation (dashes) were used.</p>
<p>Weaknessess:
-Try to make your assertion more specific than the prompt is. This is the key to the Because part of the CABE structure; you specify why and how money, fame, etc. are more powerful than conscience. For example, you could say that the ultimate human motivator is greed - whether it’s greed for authority or materialistic objects. </p>
<p>-Try not to pick examples from Fantasy/Science Fiction literature. I’m not entirely sure why, but SAT graders seem especially averse to these kinds of examples. Perhaps they consider these genres unsophisticated.</p>
<p>-Add more depth to the examples. While there’s nothing truly wrong with the body paragraphs, I felt they would have benefited from more concrete details. For example, a description of how much Arnold was paid or more description of Saruman’s evil acts. </p>
<p>You’re very, very close to writing at the 10+ level that SAT writers should strive for. Just add more depth and be more specific in your details and thesis. </p>
<p>As always, I hope this helped. Thanks for posting your essay for me to read.</p>
<p>Richard</p>