<p>lawlmao:</p>
<p>Sorry I won’t be doing full writeups anymore. I can say though that your essay would probably be scored around a 9. You had strong, well-chosen examples and the body of your essay was very good. In the introduction, your thesis needs to be more specific (how exactly does competition cause a person to suffer?) and you should specifically say which examples you’re offering instead of just saying “in literature and history.” </p>
<p>Don’t try too hard to use big words (deleterious has too strong a connotation, it means more like deadly or lethal). In your conclusion, don’t throw in new thoughts-the tamagotchi thing isn’t developed at all and could just be left out.</p>
<p>Richard</p>