Step Families

<p>After 21 years of marriage I am about to give up on step children.I was not involved in divorce.Husband's ex-wife left for other man.Still she is jealous of relationship I have with children.They are all adults some married with children but she is very controlling and husband and I are tired of it.She hi jacked my daughters graduation weekend which was planned since last March.I just can't stand the drama any more. Any one else in this position?</p>

<p>My DH's parents made these kinds of mistakes. MIL left FIL when DH was a baby, but whilst she has always given him the impression he was unwanted, she also did not want FIL to have him. MIL & Step FIL have ALWAYS been jealous of that other half of the family, to the point of rudeness. Since both families live within a few hours of each other and we live far away, we don't even tell MIL/SFIL when we are arriving for a visit, we visit the other half and then get dropped off by them at the airport so MIL/SFIL assume we just arrived ;) </p>

<p>Completely lame, but the reassurance I can give you is that DH knows what his mother is, he knows she would have aborted him if it were legal, he knows she never wanted him. He knows she went out of her way to keep the bio Dad out of the picture, but bioDad was ever faithful, drove hours each weekend to spend time with DH and provided a stress free bastion for him to visit and re-energize.</p>

<p>MIL looks bad and FIL looks good. Hopefully the same karma will affect your situation. The best gift you can give is to never engage, just always be kind and safe and easy to be with and hopefully you will get credit for that, eventually</p>

<p>I am in a stepfamily, also married 21 years this summer, same circumstances in my H's divorce. His ex is also very controlling, psycho really, and always has been. Both the sons have told us they think she is mentally unstable, yet both still let her push them around. The ex lives in the same town we do, too! </p>

<p>The sons are both in the military and live in other places. Once when they were both visiting in our town at the same time, the ex drew up a schedule of what everyone would be doing each day, with lots of events planned by her. They all went by her schedule too. The sons and their wives usually stay at her house at her insistence. </p>

<p>We just pretty much worked around her the whole time the sons were growing up. She had primary custody, but we had them all summer so we would have to pay for child care. It was a nightmare when I was working. I managed to stay out of her way, and have never had any disagreement with her. I had to put up with plenty though. I think somemom's last paragraph is good advice. I always tried to take the high road.</p>

<p>I do not have a very good relationship with one stepson (neutral really), but the older one and his wife are very nice to me and send me flowers every year for Mother's Day. He seems to appreciate what I did for them, as does their dad.</p>

<p>At this point in time I really do not care to have any more to do with them! I am just tired of always being taken advantage of. When they were younger there could never be a holiday or a party ect. without the mother making demands. My husband did not stop this because he did not want ex-wife to go to court and try for more money for fear he would,t be able to pay college. All four went to private colleges without loans.We payed everything including spending money while paying full child support.Each kid would want more money and we would let them know that were doing all we could.Kids words "but she won't give us a thin dime."Typical treatment by them would be make plans with us than she would get upset and plans changed.Including Father's day.I invited ex wife so all kids could be her for grauation and avoid this but once again she wanted them for dinner and told me that since we weren't doing anything big she was having them for dinner. The night before we had a party for 70 plus people,taking everyone out to lunch after graduation so we were having pizza for supper and of coure everyone said that would be great.Not only were kids not here but BIL and wife went there as well so they could see the kids she does this all the time as well (every one lives out of state) Seems there is no since of loyalty with this group.I would just like to say "when your father dies I will have nothing more to do with any of you.</p>