<p>I have a wonderful life thank you sopranomom. As you may imagine, my children are Italian American and they are not goombahs. My husband is, but it is obviously very hard for you to understand what I was saying. Which is that my husband is proud of his heritage, but he knows that violence is wrong and he tries very hard to do better for his kids, but is an imperfect person. If one of his daughters had been assaulted, he would have reverted. Without question. Therefore, I applaud the parents of the victim because they are clearly string people. Again, my husband gets to define himself and I am proud of how far he has come and how much he has learned. Your opinion is not important and you should get over yourself. It is abusive to call someone else a feminazi. It wouldn’t be an insult if someone were to choose to own that term and apply whatever meaning she chose to it.</p>
<p>My best friend in high school’s dad is in prison for raping her. It was relatively unknown (completely unknown outside of 4-5 of her close friends) until recently when he was set for release due to “over-crowding” and her lawyer (or someone- I didn’t follow the legalistics) successfully fought to keep him in. It was on our local news and while they kept her name private, they released her dad’s name. Her last name is SO unique that there was no way of denying it. She managed to keep it quiet for 10 years until the media got involved. </p>
<p>It’s really disgusting how unregulated the media is in regards to protecting survivors.</p>
<p>zm - yes, code of conduct is normal for public high schools. different schools enforce it differently (at our school, it is common knowledge that the football players break it all the time with no consequence - they are state champs or runner up year after year). </p>
<p>The girl has security because she is being threatened; that is the theme of many posts here - the victim is being blamed and now bullied. The boys were big men on campus and part of the elite social group. It’s backwards! </p>
<p>Rape shield laws should have given her anonymity. Sexual assault is notoriously underreported (because of social stigma and because of the rush to blame the victim), so the laws are in place. Too bad the information is out there. I really hope this victim can move and start fresh somewhere. I pray she gets excellent counseling.</p>
<p>To the extent that some feminists are vitriolic toward men, consider them the villains in the historical and current oppression of women, and desire to supplant them in all positions of power, I suppose it could be seen as a philosphy marginalizing men. I don’t personally know any women who think that way, though. I’m a feminist in the sense that I strongly detest any stereotypes of women that imply relative weakness or defenselessness, being “too emotional,” behaving less rationally than men, or having a reduced capacity for self-determination. I am also not a feminist if being one means I should eschew the traditional female roles of wife and mother, or hate men to the extent of portraying them as animals or to the extent of becoming a lesbian.</p>
<p>My assertion that women should take responsibility for their own safety by making smart choices is part of my brand of “feminism.” The victim did not begin the evening as weak and defenseless. She gave away her power through a series of unwise choices. Similarly, women who willingly frequent parties, frat house, bars, or any other environment that tends to objectify them are also giving away their power and suppressing their own dignity. As a college freshman, I briefly attended several frat parties the first week of school. However, after hearing crude comments made about my breasts and observing lots of other inappropriate talk and behavior, I decided that the frat environment was not one I wanted any part of. Plenty of girls continued to go to those parties, and plenty were mistreated. As a feminist, I take issue with the idea the girls were completely helpless. </p>
<p>I am grateful that now the thread is starting to include some discussion of the fact that girls are often too afraid to stand up for themselves and too insecure to reject those environments or people who treat them as sex objects.</p>
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<p>I really understand the sentiment, but realistically, and very sadly, every single person in that town and probably the whole area knows the full name of the victim. Those strangers that want to find it out can. Easily. Catching a first name on a video is going to do nothing to expand the number of people that identify her. There is a lot to be questioned about the role of media in this whole horror, but going after this incident is to me a straw man in the bigger picture.</p>
<p>Edit: I hadn’t read Jonri’s post–agreed.</p>
<p>Mnmomof2, how are the coaches held accountable for the athletes’ behavior? Not at all?</p>
<p>My kids’ school has a code of conduct all student-athletes have to sign along with a mandatory meeting at the beginning of the year in which the athletic director and coaches discuss the details and scenarios kids have gotten into trouble with in years past.</p>
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<p>You’re kidding me right? </p>
<p>Do you think that if multiple football players wanted to rape her, she would have been able to defend herself even if she was sober?</p>
<p>zm - our code is just for the students. I assume there is some code for coaches that the athletic director has in place but I have not seen it. I am not aware of any coaches here being disciplined.</p>
<p>GFG - Do “women who willingly frequent parties, frat house, bars, or any other environment that tends to objectify them” deserve to be groped? raped? robbed? murdered? I really do not see how you can balme the vicitm.</p>
<p>For this girl’s sake, I wish she had stayed home or stayed sober, but it does not diminish the fact that she was raped. It’s criminal, not consensual!</p>
<p>It is absolutely terrible that the media released her name. Minors who commit crimes have their names withheld! Why didn’t she deserve that?</p>
<p>And let’s talk about the fact that it was GIRLS–not men, not football team members–who theatened the victim. What does that say about our culture and how our girls are being raised?</p>
<p>“For this girl’s sake, I wish she had stayed home or stayed sober, but it does not diminish the fact that she was raped. It’s criminal, not consensual!”</p>
<p>This is the god’s honest truth. I am so glad she has family support. The girl here who committed suicide was a foster child, so she didn’t have that support and I guess she felt no hope. May she rest in peace. We don’t know what the sexual interaction was with the football players, the investigation didnt release that information, but the bullying was public. It was touching that this singer wrote a song for her.
[Recording</a> artist pens tribute song to Staten Island teen Felicia Garcia | SILive.com](<a href=“http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2013/03/recording_artist_pens_tribute.html]Recording”>Recording artist pens tribute song to Staten Island teen Felicia Garcia - silive.com)</p>
<p>The GFG, you ought to read some critical theory. You could definitely benefit from some Foucalt and Laccan, and some general Queer Theory and Feminist Theory.</p>
<p>There is a tremendous difference between what the power culture is allowed and what the disempowered culture is allowed. We can see that even in the media coverage.</p>
<p>The discussion about women and how they treat themselves is one thing. The judgemental tone is another. It is victim blaming and victim shaming, and there’s not one thing in the world, including being named, that keeps a woman from coming forward to report a rape than this.</p>
<p>We don’t have laws to protect ourselves from criminals because they are not predatory, we have them because they are. The logic then follows that anybody who gets killed in a car accident should have stayed off the expressway becuase there are risks to driving. Anybody who dies in a plane crash is to blame because they should have known there were risks to flying. </p>
<p>All girls on campus should stay in at night to avoid rape because there are rapists. </p>
<p>I really think your logic is ridiculous.</p>
<p>Nobody’s behavior CAUSES rape. Rapists cause rape.</p>
<p>Normal men do not consider an intoxicated woman to be a sexual opportunity. Criminal sexual predators do.</p>
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<p>Only if we believe, as you do, that a woman CAN give away her power. A woman has every right to protection from criminal behavior. It’s that simple.</p>
<p>Rapists belong in prison, not on college campuses.</p>
<p>As long as they are protected by the power structure, and they are protected and shielded from consequences, as we see would have happened here had anonymous not gotten involved, then the the power structure is giving away women’s power. If this is okay with you, that’s fine for you and your daughters. It is not fine for me and for my daughters.</p>
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<p>Cool. So I’m opening myself to rape because I go to a bar. A perfectly legal and acceptable activity. </p>
<p>I just for the life of me cannot understand this mindset. It’s literally giving me a headache.</p>
<p>Go wherever you want, but women and men should never be so intoxicated that they black out. Even in place with no criminals, you could fall or vomit, or get hit by a car. Violent crime aside, it is just not safe.</p>
<p>No it is not safe.</p>
<p>And only 55% of women who are raped on a college campus have even had a drink.</p>
<p>I suppose the other 45% were wearing inappropriate clothing. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I agree with that, ZM. </p>
<p>My sister is a bartender. She’s had to call 911 on people who get so drunk that they fall in to walls and knock themselves out. Trust me, I have enough horror stories to last a life time. </p>
<p>I really don’t drink fwiw. </p>
<p>Just the idea though that going to a bar is “giving away power” is sickening to me.</p>
<p>Does anyone think that these boys would be rapists in the absence of alcohol? I’m just wondering if the fact that intoxication tends to remove inhibitions could somehow play a part. Is it possible that there are boys/men who have never committed a sexual assault who if in certain circumstances, and under the influence, could actually do things they never would do if sober?</p>
<p>Poetgrl, my daughter almost died of alcohol poisoning in a truly bizarre circumstance. As a result, I am very sensitive to how easy it would be for someone to die. It has nothing to do with where she is or what she is wearing, it is not safe even during the school day, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt,in the chemistry lab in the presence of a teacher. It is not safe anywhere to get that drunk.</p>
<p>So the message you want to send young girls is that they are completely helpless and vulnerable to male predators? You want them to believe there’s nothing they can do in the face of a culture that devalues them, except surrender to the danger? Is the lesson they should learn that men are too big and strong, and they’re too small and weak to defend themselves? Or is it that men are smarter than they are, so men will stay sober at a party long enough to rape them, while they are too stupid to know when they’ve had enough to drink and so will be helpless to stop any advances? Do you want them to think they have no social options in high school except hanging out with guys known to be out of control jerks? Should we tell them they have no viable choice at college except frequenting degrading frat parties, or else they might be called a feminazi and no girl wants that label! </p>
<p>None of the above defends criminals of any kind, nor excuses all the people who failed to discipline those boys in the past, or stop them that night. It’s not productive to talk about blame in the case of the victim; we need to talk about empowerment of young women. Clearly the boys are to blame, and so are a lot of other people.</p>