@Trixy34 That’s absolutely the right way to go – let your son steer the process! I think the most important and valuable things that parents can do is to (1) be very, very clear about finances and parental expectations/requirements early on, and (2) guide your child to identifying and applying to some absolute safeties that he is willing to attend and that you know you can pay for. I told my daughter that I supported her efforts to apply to reach colleges, but I insisted that she get her safety app in first.
Also – I know this is hard to hear - but this is something I have observed as the parent of one child who chose to reach significantly higher than the other: the students who get into the very most competitive colleges also tend to have proactive and competitive personalities. They are “doers” who have an inner drive to get ahead which means that they habitually act like the friend who asked the calc teacher back in January for the LOR. They take initiative and act first, ahead of others.
It’s not something that you should judge your own kid adversely for — its just a fit factor that is worthy of consideration. Some kids do better in competitive environments; some kids do better in more collaborative environments. Some thrive in a fast-paced intense academic setting; some do better in a more relaxed and flexible academic environment. So something to keep in mind as well when developing the college list.