<p>Okay so i got that dad who is always in my business… i can never do anything without him freaking out where i am/ who i am with. I am always honest with him but he doesn’t trust me. Im basically tired of it. I am going to start college soon, and I need some advice on… moving out. I want to live on campus during the winter quarter, but in order to pay for my room & board I need to get a loan. And since i’ll be living their winter & spring… my loan will be just a little over $5000 in total. Is this too much to pay off?? And when can i start paying off my loan? can i do it before i graduate? Or should i just continue living at home with my dad…? I want to be at college more than i am at home. Wat do u guys suggest?!</p>
<p>Are you already taking a Stafford loan for freshman year? If not, the max for freshmen is $5500. Will that cover both room and board at your school for both trimesters? Stafford loans can be paid off at any time without penalty.</p>
<p>Your dad does seem a bit overprotective of you and it’s probably time to have a talk with him. College is a time when parents should be easing up and expecting kids to make their own decisions and monitor their own behavior. Is it a cultural thing?</p>
<p>It is odd that you are always honest with him, yet he doesn’t trust you. In our household, when my S got caught in some lie(as most every teen does) he’d really straighten up nicely immediately after. At that point, he had trouble seeing why we didn’t completely trust him. He felt “but I’m being honest”. We felt “he’s being honest NOW”. There is a huge difference. Trust is gained slowly. but mistrust can be gained in an instant. </p>
<p>In any case, you can get him out of your business when you can become an adult. When you support yourself in your own home, then you can politely tell him you wish to make your own decisions. Until you can make your own decisions, emotionally, financially, physically, etc, then although it is an awkward part of growing up, it probably will continue. If a young person’s words/actions say “I’m an adult treat me that way” yet they still want to be supported, then they are not yet an adult. A person can’t argue he’s an adult, but still expect mommy and daddy to pay his bills. I was that way, my S was that way.</p>
<p>There are always exceptions, but the general rule of thumb is that undergrad loans should total no more than the realistic expectation of the income from the first yr after school. Not the first good job, or the first job, or the dream job, but the first 12 months after grad. In today’s economy that is often a low figure, but who knows what the future will bring? Most choose to pay off a loan after the final loan total is known, not as-you-go.</p>
<p>Bottom line, no matter how bad things are, your dad cares for you and even if he may not show it the way you like, he mostly means well. It might be better for you if you can have a grownup talk with him and see you can work something out the would better your situation. Maybe you can get him to pay for half of your room&board expense if you show that you will work to pay for your half, along with some sweeteners like coming home on some weekends and holidays.</p>
<p>Be polite and respectful, but show that you are ready and want to take on this next step yourself. Good luck.</p>
<p>froshatcollege,</p>
<p>Are you over reacting to your dad’s questions? I like to know what my daughter is up to, to a point. I don’t need all the details, but just some basic info; where is she going, when will she be back and generally who else is going. Sometimes she is very untalkative about what she is up to and I have to go thru the 20 questions act to get that info out of her. It is not that I don’t trust her, she is a minor and I’m trying to act as a responsible parent. Other times she will volunteer that info up front and I don’t need to go further. </p>
<p>Don’t think I’m a helicopter parent, because I’m not. She plays sports and has gone on several trips, including Hawaii twice, with her team, no mom or dad. But on those trips I had my basic questions answered.</p>
<p>So try giving your dad the basic info without his having to ask. If he is asking for details, then he is going too far. {unless, of course, the answers are: Hollywood Hills, by breakfast and Charles Manson}</p>
<p>What if you didn’t come home one night?
I always want to be able to answer the question “Where did she go and who was she with?”</p>
<p>When you’re a father of a daughter you will understand. Until then, have some empathy.</p>
<p>And before I get flamed, I’ve had to read and hear, “You’re not a woman, you don’t understand,” a zillion times. If there’s one thing nobody other than fathers understand, it’s, “that’s my daughter.”</p>
<p>Just guessing. Maybe you’re a guy, but I like my odds here.</p>