Well you are definitely not an idiot, having almost all straight A’s and some A -'s is awesome, I’m really sorry you had to go through this. Verbal abuse can be a pain. (Been there). I agree with neonerudite, don’t contact CPS unless she gets very physically abusive. Perhaps, she had a bad day in work or she’s worried about other family issues.
I’m sure she just wants you to succeed, and if you want to go to MIT you might need some hard motivation lol. You can always call hotlines that help you talk about your issues, they are very confidential and won’t ask for your name or address. They are also free. I wish my parents were a bit more strict than they are lol! (about college issues) My parents had no idea what financial aid was or that if I was denied I was denied! My mother wanted me to call the college where I was rejected to and ask them to accept me. face palm Your mother probably wants you to have a better life than she did, and probably not struggle as much as she did. I hope she does it in a better way though, instead of hurting your feelings.
These are some USA hotlines
NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group 800-826-3632
Child Abuse Hotline – Support & Information 800-792-5200
Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357
Hey, our situations sound really alike. I’m so sorry she’s been acting like this; I know how hard it can be to stay sane. I’m glad you know what your own priorities are and have been studying for the SAT regardless of what she’s been saying.
In my experience, the anger will die down a bit if you explain calmly. The main thing is to not let her go off on a tangent -> lose control. Whenever I start crying, it automatically undermines anything I’m saying because it’s a sign of weakness in asian culture. If it’s possible, try to hold any tears back until after everything’s over. If you explain and she still doesn’t get it, there’s not much to do besides bracing yourself, and continuously telling yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong. Because you haven’t.
In the meantime, there must be a way to balance your SAT studying and still get As on assignments right? Maybe work at school after dismissal so you can focus without your mom around. Please don’t overstress yourself out with SATs if they’re making your home situation worse. I don’t recommend you tell any other adults or call someone, because of your mom finds out and the police get involved, everything will be complicated, and your mom will be even worse to you afterwards, making a trusting (or at least bearable) relationship even harder to try to build.
I know asian immigrant parents are really focused on prestige. But back in China the society is really different there because they have a national exam that basically puts you into colleges with different status depending on the single score you get, which explains the stress. My mom only got 3 years of school in total due to the cultural revolution, but she really loved to learn, so she feels like I’m wasting my opportunities when I don’t get perfect marks. My dad went from really rich to walking to school barefoot and having his dad get beat up, almost to death, just for being educated. Both my parents were abused by different people and had a hard time coming and adapting to America. Both of them take education very seriously because they know it is so hard to get out of a difficult economic situation, and education is the only light in the tunnel. As horrible as this sounds, your mom hits you partially because she cares about you. It’s just that she doesn’t know how else to express her concern, and she probably wasn’t treated too well in her past as well. Maybe when you’re calm, sit down and ask her if she needs any emotional help or wants to talk about anything, just like friends. Maybe she just needed someone to understand her, just like you.
I wanted to hate my own mom for a long time. But you really just have to try to empathize. If she doesn’t set the example for you, be the mature one and set it for her.
Good luck. If you need more help you can always send me a PM!
^ the issue is that “your mom beats you because in part she loves you” is a way to totally mess up a kid, which is why it’s abuse. I know there are all kinds of justifications, but you don’t purposely hurt people you love. Period.
Don’t get me wrong; I also agree that it’s abuse and hitting someone shouldn’t even be an option, let alone a last resort or a go-to. Of course it shouldn’t be happening. But just saying it’s wrong won’t help the OP, because she probably knows it after this entire thread.
Being abused makes you emotionally dependent on your abuser and extremely insecure, and what she needs is to emotionally distance herself and not let her mom get to her. I think realizing that her mom likely isn’t doing this solely for the purpose of making her feel like //// will help her. At least, it helped me.
As long as the cycle doesn’t continue and the abuse doesn’t get passed down, it’ll be okay. She’s sensible and intelligent and sane, and she’ll get through it if she has people who are kind to her and let her realize that there’s a life away from abuse, and that it’s within reach.