How accurately does a student handbook represent life at a school? I was looking through the official handbooks of some schools (online) and I got the impression that certain schools are very strict while others are more flexible with their rules and policies.
Perhaps it was just the way everything was phrased differently, but some of them sounded slightly intimidating while others sounded more relaxed. Is this true, or are most schools similar in terms of strictness and discipline?
Would it be a good idea to use these handbooks as a gauge of what life at each school is like, or would that be an inaccurate representation — do students actually follow all the rules in the handbook, or do they usually find ways to go around certain rules without getting into trouble?
It is an EXCELLENT idea to use the student handbooks as a guide. They do accurately represent the rules by which you’d be expected to live on campus. As you have noticed already, the difference are real, from dress code to study hours to dorm check and lights out times to dorm rules, intervisitations, and how offenses are handled. You’ll need to find the level that’s right for you.
Depends upon the student. However, in general, compliance with the rules is not optional and the handbook usually lists the penalties. Don’t try to push it.
Kids: DON’T test the rules! Don’t even think about it. There are too many sad stories of students who thought, “just this once,” or “surely they didn’t mean THIS (or ME),” or “how could I possibly get caught?” who end up on a sad ride/flight home – right up to graduation day. Yes, depending on the infraction, you can be expelled right up to graduation day; we saw it happen more than once.
The rules in those handbooks are not merely suggestions. Understand what each school expects of you and don’t tempt fate. +100 to @GoatMama’s post.
And ignorance is not an excuse. In DS’s 9th grade English class, an early assignment had something to do with comparing the rules in the handbook to whatever civilization they were studying and the essay had to include quotes from the handbook. 9th grade community life (basically a health class) thoroughly went through the rules. And the kids had to sign that they read the handbook. And advisors went over some areas of the handbook. And…you get the point.
Yet kids do decide to ignore it and then parents have to receive that most unfortunate of phone calls…
I think that’s common practice at most, if not all schools. Regardless, at every school, as in life, ignorantia juris non excusat, so waste nobody’s time with the excuse. Additionally, one should assume that were is no excuse that a 13-17 y/o as concocted that the adult has not heard before.
Kids are impulsive. They don’t always make the best choices. And most of these schools are pretty darn strict when it comes to breaking the rules. What @ChoatieMom said is absolutely true. I’ve seen kids booted during their first week at school. I’ve also seen kids booted from school during the week before graduation. And keep in mind that when that happens, there’s more at stake than not walking at graduation with their classmates. Colleges are notified, and will often withdraw their offers of admission. It’s not an uncommon scenario. That’s a heavy price to pay for what many would view as a typical teenage momentary error in judgment. And that is why one reason boarding schools are very, very careful in making sure they have the best fit that they are able to determine when vetting those applications… it’s not just about the grades, the stats, the essays… it’s about emotional maturity and good judgment and community fit. Even so, every year some really good kids make a poor choice and end up paying for it in a big way. It happens.
My kids found it very helpful, during revisits, to ask current students about the rules and their experience with the disciplinary practices of the school. Very illuminating. I was looking for an atmosphere of clear rules and healthy respect for them, that wasn’t unnecessarily punitive.
You can’t assume that your kid won’t ever get in trouble - odds are they will! So do your homework: read the handbooks and ask questions.
DS is subject to frequent what he refers to as “don’t be stupid” meetings, usually in the dorm. He said this last week it was a very “don’t be stupid” or even “don’t be very stupid” meeting. Lol. So, the kids do get gentle reminders!
I like your positive attitude @FunintheSun1211! But odds are, you will sleep through class one morning, forget to sign out one weekend, or get caught talking on the phone to your mother after lights-out ;-). What will those (very common) infractions get you - a detention? A warning? How many detentions then lead to something like a Sunday work-crew or Saturday night in-dorm? Ask students about these policies and compare what they say to the handbook. These are important questions to ask during revisits in order to get a feel for the school culture - both the school’s attitude towards enforcing the rules & the kids’ attitude toward following them.
LOL @buuzn03 - now that it’s senior spring I suspect DD and the rest of the class of 2018 will be getting those “don’t be very stupid” meetings every day!
Additionally, one should assume that were is no excuse that a 13-17 y/o as concocted that the adult has not heard before.