<p>We had one SO who made such a public fuss about sleeping on the pull out sofa. Really ugly about it and I am glad that relationship didn’t endure more than another month or two. Right now, one has a great relationship going. I like that kid so much. But I know that dau well enough to see the signs already that she is not in it for the long term.</p>
<p>As for late night wanderings, yeah, we did it. </p>
<p>I’m wondering if parents allow their kids to have same sex friends overnight, and if that changes if they learn later their kids are gay.</p>
<p>No way. In our house, if you sleep together, you are married. It’s a “respect the house rules” thing. Otherwise, you are single and you sleep alone. I’d be shocked if my kids even asked if I would let them have a boyfriend/girlfriend over to share a room. Ha ha. I’m picturing asking my own parents that question. </p>
<p>I’m not certain what that has to do with anything. My kids each have a single twin bed in their rooms at home, so ANY guest, of any persuasion, is going to be put up in a separate room. And like I said, nighttime wanderings, whatever. </p>
<p>That’s an interesting question, and I think it would vary from family to family a lot. I haven’t faced that, but I think a lot would depend on the situation, age, nature of relationship, and if there are siblings, the ages of siblings. If the gay couple can sleep together, then that might raise discussion from the straight siblings wanting the same rules. </p>
<p>I was thinking more, do your kids have friends over as 2nd graders, as 5th graders, as 7th graders? Then what if they come out as 11th or 12 th graders? Do you then shut down the same sex overnights?
In my circle, people don’t generally have guest rooms, and the whole point of a slumber party is to " sleep" in the same room, so you can whisper and tell stories.</p>
<p>To me, that would feel strange and punitive to separate them if they had been having sleep overs since elementary school. I guess straight kids would not have grown up having co-ed sleepovers with one friend so there would not be a sudden separation.
My concern for the gay couple isn’t because they are gay, but young. I think a romantic sleepover in young adolescents may be more than they can emotionally handle. I suppose that if two kids were having sleepovers, they could progress to getting physical early. In this case, I would be watching for signs that it was emotionally taxing- depression, irritability, and if so, maybe that would be a reason for separation or taking a break from the sleepovers. I would involve the teen in the decision so to not make it punitive.
Lastly, the teen may also want to have sleepovers with just friends as well. </p>
<p>Your D should be in tune with your point of view. And it’s your home, so she should respect whatever it is you are comfortable with.</p>
<p>BTW: We are liberal, ex hippy, commie pinko freaks. D is 27, much more conservative than we are and does what she wants. (ie since she was 18 it has been her call)</p>
<p>I think that children, even adult children, need to respect the parents’ wishes while in their house. So, if you (the parents) don’t want your children sleeping with significant others before they are married in your house - so be it. But, I still don’t think too many kids are going to be having sex with their parents in the next room. Sometimes, sleeping is just sleeping. </p>
<p>Sleepovers are big with teenage girls but do groups of teenage boys even do this? I can’t imagine my son wanting to have a sleepover although he did it few times in elementary school. Usually, it’s not nearly as much fun as they expected and pretty much ruins the next day, too. </p>
<p>Acting to my son still has occasional sleepovers, and he is a senior.
I’ve only experienced anything close to asking about sleeping together once, and it would have been while we were on vacation together. I said fine to bring SO along, but no sleeping in same room. A very good friend has been struggling with a child who keeps bringing SO home, even though there is a younger sibling in the house and the parents have asked him not to. </p>
<p>I so appreciate this discussion as I posted the original question. I was truly pleased to hear from mmib22 because I happen to share this parent’s perspectives. I have told my child (college junior) that he is welcome to move out and handle his own <em>adult</em> responsibilities which includes far more than having overnight visitors at will. And I am also uncomfortable knowing that he is having overnight visits at the home of the other parents as well. It simply does not sit well with me any way I slice it. </p>
<p>All this to say, I am liberal in many respects yet not in this one. I agree about the situation whereby it’s a long-term, serious relationship – maybe then I’ll reconsider. And part of this is that the socializing is overtaking the focus on academics so this is another reason why I’m standing by “no”. </p>
<p>I also wanted to add (and failed to do so above) that the other part of this is that if my son was paying his own way – tuition, expenses, etc. – and was juggling college and a job to demonstrate responsibility, perhaps then I would feel differently about an occasional overnight but not in his room. Since this isn’t the case, I feel as though my house rules (which sounds far more stringent than they are) stand.</p>
<p>Pianomom, it’s your house and you can have any rules re houseguests that you want. You don’t have to justify them to anyone else, including your son, who is no longer a helpless child and can live anywhere he wishes if he doesn’t like the current arrangements. Not your problem!</p>
<p>In my home the BF or GF sleep in the guest room. This is not negotiable. I do not get involved in where they sleep when they are at the BF’s or GF’s home. I have mentioned to them though that if they care about the relationship, they will be careful about how they present themselves to the family. </p>
<p>When I had my first serious boyfriend during college (20 years ago), my parents let us share a room in their house, and his parents did not. So be it. Each family can do what it thinks is right.</p>
<p>Twin beds don’t have to be an impediment. We shared a twin bed when we visited each other at college (our schools were several hundred miles apart). Some of these visits were 2 weeks long. I don’t remember this even being a consideration.</p>
<p>@actingmt - My oldest DS is in college . They don’t call them sleepovers but what happens is he and a group of his guy friends come home for a weekend from their various colleges they end up stay up all night paying card games at one of the parents houses and then crash about 5 am in the morning…</p>
<p>My son’s long-time GF has spent the night a few times at our home. She has slept in his bed. However…(and I think this is funny), they keep bedroom door wide open the whole time (and the view to the bed is “right there”). I guess that’s they way of saying, “we’re not doing anything.” lol</p>