Student Living At Home -- Overnight Visits

<p>I'd like honest input from any parents who have college students living at home. Are you okay with them (him or her) staying overnight at the homes of their boyfriends/girlfriends during the academic week? Are you okay with them inviting their significant other to your home for overnight visits? Do you have any "house rules" that correspond with allowing them to remain at home? These questions may sound archaic in today's world but given that I'm not 21 but...well, much older, I'd like to know how others handle this. Thanks.</p>

<p>I myself haven’t had to deal with this yet. But my closest friends allowed their daughter’s boyfriend to spend the night. They figured, they themselves were sexual at their daughter’s age; they knew she was sexually active - and thought that not allowing overnight visits from the boyfriend (they weren’t frequent) would have been hypocritical. There weren’t any “rules” per say. </p>

<p>Not at home, but not far away. Close enough to visit a few times a semester…with his girlfriend. I let them both stay here in his room. </p>

<p>We talked about it in a theoretical way last spring, when we were all calm and it was abstract. We decided he should ask first to be sure something wasn’t going on at home that would make it an uncomfortable situation. (Like what? Remodeling, grandma visiting, brother having a party.) Then we discussed how everyone would have to be considerate of each other. (Being quiet when others have to sleep, cleaning up after self, etc)</p>

<p>The first time was very awkward, but it got easier. I do want to see my son, and I want to know his friends, especially the serious girlfriends. </p>

<p>Not living at home either, but I allowed my daughter’s boyfriend to stay in her room after a feeble attempt to make up the sofabed as grandparents were around, lol. I certainly wouldn’t be regulating what she did away, college night or no.</p>

<p>Thanks for the responses. It just does not work for me for a host of reasons and perhaps it’s because my parents never would have permitted it (and yes, I know I was in college in the “dark ages”) and it simply is more flexible than I can comfortably be. I don’t think I’m alone in this regard because I can’t imagine that the majority of parents of college students allow them to have overnight visitors whenever they wish. And as a parent, I would have to wonder how the “other” parents (i.e. the other home) feel about this too. I would be difficult to call and ask them yet I do wonder.</p>

<p>Sorry for the typo…meant to say that “It” would be difficult to call…</p>

<p>Despite what DH and I may have done during our college years, it was at college. If it were a highly committed relationship (over time,) I might shift, but for now, “SO’s” don’t get to sleep in their room, much less their bed. I’m very open (as are my kids, I know what goes on,) so why not? I think because it’s the family home and, so far, these relationships have proved transitory. But anyone is welcome to visit and stay.</p>

<p>Nope. Separate rooms. I would be upset if the BF’s parents wouldn’t provide a private room for D when she visits. I don’t ask when they stay over each other’s apartment or when they go on vacation together. </p>

<p>During the brief periods I lived at home, my boyfriend was always allowed to stay with me in my room. No rules. It worked and things weren’t awkward. My parents grew up in liberal households though where overnight stays were permitted so it was really natural. Even my conservative Catholic future MIL allowed me to stay with my then-bf in his room when I went and visited them.
Then again, we’re both from lower-middle class families and there aren’t “spare rooms” for SOs to stay. We each only have a living room and sleeping on the couch there is awkward when it leaves nowhere for the family to sit while you’re asleep.
To each his/her own. </p>

<p>My S recently got engaged and it was after that event that I mentioned to him that he and his fiancé were welcome to share the guest room with it’s queen size bed. Before that, there was no discussion about it. </p>

<p>I allowed them to stay at friends houses in high school, and we had kids here, so why would it change for college?
I should add that they didnt share beds.
Except probably when D goes to her bf parents. But they are 23.</p>

<p>I would allow the SO to sleep overnight separate from my child. That said, my H and I aren’t going to monitor from midnight to dawn if they actually follow the rule. It’s not going to be an issue as long as they’re not cuddling each other in the same room when I wake up. My children know I wake up really early in the morning. I may change my mind in the future if they are in a committed relationship. </p>

<p>We have no problem with either of our kids sharing a bed with a boyfriend (straight D and gay S). We know that they sleep together away from home (both boyfriends have apartments). It seems kinda silly to me to pretend that it doesn’t happen. Of course, both of my kids have said that they would never have sex while their parents are in the next room.lol (For that reason, H and I refrain while visiting my mom!) </p>

<p>We dealt with this situation all summer, and D’11 could possibly move back home next year as she is pretty much over dorm living. She has a long term boyfriend. We don’t have a guest room. Maybe things are different with freshmen (d will be a senior), but you really do move away from the parental protectiveness phase and decide that the living arrangements are better for everybody when all act like and are treated as adults. </p>

<p>I’m glad I haven’t had to face this one yet. It will test the boundaries of my old fashioned ways. I think I’m with whoever above said they can stay in the same room when they are engaged. We have plenty of room so it would not be a necessity for them to share a room with anyone.</p>

<p>psychmomma,
I’m the one who made that comment. I, too, am pretty old-fashioned when it comes to this. What I neglected to add in my first post was that my engaged S has younger siblings and that’s another reason behind my thought process. Now that all of them are older and S#1 is engaged, it made sense to me to offer those accommodations.</p>

<p>This happens to be a constant battle with my D. She feels that she is an “adult” and should be afforded adult behaviors. I disagree. She is 19 and lives in my house. She is free to move out of here and into her own place and and enjoy all the adult behaviors she wants (which in addition to having sleepovers with her bf include paying rent and utilities, paying for her car and insurance, food, etc.). I have always felt that I was fairly liberal, but I’m not inclined to provide a “love nest” for my children at any age. Perhaps I would feel differently if they did not live in the same city, work at the same place, and see each other every day of the year. I’m not naive enough to think they’re not being intimate. I know that they are. Doesn’t mean I have to provide a room…</p>

<p>Fwiw, I never had sex when my parents were home. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want them to hear me anymore than I wanted to hear them. If I wanted to have sex, I didn’t need to be home to do it. Being at home made things more complicated rather than easier.
My parents and I shared a wall though so maybe that makes a difference. </p>

<p>I’m old-fashioned, I suppose. I’d provide a separate bedroom for the guest, and then retire to my room for the night, and if there were midnight wanderings, so be it. I think there’s something to be said for discretion. </p>

<p>My DH and I grew up with the rule of separate bedrooms until married when staying at our parents’ houses. We have the same rule in our house. What our kids choose to do when they are on their own is their business, but our house, our rules.</p>