@Midwest67 I have seen families that encouraged their kids to go with the tippy top option … and then have to tell their kids they really can’t afford the tuition for 4 years, and kid ends up transferring. That cannot be fun or productive in the long run.
FWIW UKY and Lexington have been very good to my son. Go Cats!
Naturally, I hope sharing our story helps others. Pay it forward!
It really did not take any guts – it’s just our life! – nor do I think it’s worthy of anyone’s admiration, but thank you for the shout out & your kind words.
@WeLoveLyman when I hear these stories I am so glad we had the reality conversation with our kids right from the get go – there was very little angst or disappointment because we set out the expectations right away
“is there value to applying to a top school, just so for the rest of your life you will know if you had what it took to get admitted?”
Possibly yes.
I think it is OK if and only if the kid is applying to one of the few top schools that do meaningful amounts of big dollar merit scholarships. And where the clear understanding is that to attend, the top school has to come in at/under the clearly communicated budget. Getting admitted and being unable to pay is the same as being rejected – you ain’t going there.
For most of these type scholarships (Tulane, Vandy, Emory, USC, etc.) there is usually a separate application and essays that the kid has to do. So the kid has to put in some extra work/skin in the game. And it is a more positive way to get the kid involved in and thinking about and taking ownership of the money side of the equation.
If the kid isn’t willing to research and apply for those type of schollies, well then there’s no need to be talking about those schools as possibilities. Getting that kind of schollie from one of those schools is TOUGH, but some kids do get them. So there’s no reason not to try as a stretch option.
If the school just isn’t a financial possibility under any circumstances, then don’t apply.
Although I could afford a full pay at Stanford, I would be lying if I did not think to myself “Hey, I would actually like it if my kid went to an Honors College for free or nearly free because we would be saving close to $300k”. I then felt a little bit guilty because I did tell my kid he could apply to Stanford if he wanted to, thinking he had 1% chance to get in. But strangely, I had no hesitation paying full pay at Stanford over in-state costs to Berkeley or UCLA. In my case, we (my kid also) really did not think our kid would get into any of HYPSM. Our goal was get into one of UCLA or Berkeley and one or two Honors with good merits, and then decide.
I will tell you what my biggest fear about my kid’s going to OOS Honors College: even though it had very strong departments in one or two areas, their programs were not strong across the board, and I knew from experience one might change Major one or two times.
I agree with being clear from the get-go what your budget is, what you will and will not pay for, to avoid that heartbreak in April/May. There are so many great colleges that offer merit aid or full pay scholarships, but for some reason (peer pressure?) the kids seem drawn to the ones that “sound impressive” to others. (my son’s attitude). Selective doesn’t necessarily mean “better”, We had a frank discussion about loans, said that they were out of the question not only for our kid personally but for us, and steered our kid toward affordable options. Kids at 18 have no idea of how horrible after college debt is and, unless there was no other way to attend college, I would say it’s a no-go - even if they are legally able to do it for themselves. Stay firm in what you can afford and really encourage considering those good schools that offer aid if you need it.
No matter where kids end up going to college, it still always comes down to that particular kid making the best of what they have.
In our case, the “free tuition” schools really didn’t match up to the school where he got merit money. Yes, it would have been nice to not have to pay for college, but the educational value just wasn’t there. OTOH, he also did not get to go to the full pay school he preferred to his merit option as there was very little added educational value for the increased cost.
The bottom line is how much you are able/willing to pay. Add to that the federal loans, and she has her budget. No harm in applying to a few “dream” schools as long as she knows ahead of time that budget constraints. Or run the Net Price Calculator for Stanford to see if you will get enough financial aid. At 18 (or almost 18) kids are old enough to understand financial limits.
@Midwest67 And of those 4 kids who went to the T20…how many will make it all the way through?
Her classmates that matriculated were all from affluent families. I think the stats are in favor of them doing well and finishing.
Probably…i just remember reading a story here on CC where the student got into a Top 20 Northeast College but hated being away from Florida.
I told my child the budget. Based on that, she won’t be applying to her previously number 1 choice, Georgetown, but she still has good options that aren’t full rides, like UNC in state.
Graduation rates within 6 yrs for T20s are over 90%, which is a lot higher than national average. It is better to look at overall stats rather than one anecdotal story on CC.