<p>^^Oops I cross posted, also, I wonder how the colleges are aware of DUI convictions unless they occur on campus property? How would a coach know if a student got an MIP in another state or town? How does that mechanism legally work - do the courts notify the college? I’m curious.</p>
<p>Just had a thought. Can you imagine what the parents whose kids are entering freshman as lacrosse players this next fall must be wondering?</p>
<p>Regarding dropping out of the tournament… it would be punishing the innocent team members for something one of their teammates did. I read that the school consulted with Love’s parents and they felt the team should play.</p>
<p>About three years ago, a horrific tornado destroyed Enterprise High School in Alabama at the beginning of March. I can’t remember exactly how many kids were killed, but at least three were members of the school’s very successful show choir, which was in the midst of their competition season. So not only had they lost three good friends, but their school was destroyed, etc. Initially the director pulled the group from the national competition they were to attend two weeks later, but as a few days went by, he realized the group needed to perform, because that’s what the deceased students would have wanted them to do. Their preliminary performance (which qualifies them for finals) had not a dry eye in the house and they struggled through their ballad. However, they stepped it up during finals and won the competition (which, ironically, was held at the Grand Ole Opry, now underwater due to recent flooding). Those kids would have been completely content with just getting through one performance, much less making finals, performing again, then winning it all. </p>
<p>I realize the fury of mother nature does not compare to the horrific crime of murder, but often times the decision is based on how the deceased’s wishes might best be respected. I don’t think it’s fair to punish the innocent.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Once again this probably varies by school, but in my university’s case I believe they have an agreement with the neighboring counties (Wake, Durham, etc) where the school gets a report on all DUI’s issued in the county and they can cross-list it to their roster if so desired. I believe (not certain) that if you get a DUI in another county or another state they are probably less likely to find out about it. I’m sure other schools have similar arrangements. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That hasn’t been my experience at all. I received two MIPs in high school and they were both dismissed without a problem. I know of probably 15-20 other people who have also received underage drinking citations, and I’ve never heard of anyone ever being convicted. There are still plenty of places where courts will look the other way at drinking tickets if you have the right lawyer or know the right people. </p>
<p>DUIs are another matter entirely, however.</p>
<p>When he was in high school, did he live with his mom or with his dad?</p>
<p>You will never convince me that the lacrosse coaches didn’t know about the arrest. They could look me in the eye and tell me and I wouldn’t believe it. The kid was on supervised probation. People knew it and if people knew it, the lacrosse coach knew it. The administration probably had a “need to know” policy and they didn’t feel they needed to know.</p>
<p>Edited to add - he lived with his mom. They divorced when he was 10.</p>
<p>I agree that a university wouldn’t be notified of an arrest away from the school. However, I am with cartera and others that the team and coach had to know. He spent a night in jail and had probation and required classes he had to take and hours of community service as his punishment (also affecting his schedule). I can’t imagine nobody with the team knew this. But even putting him aside, several other team members have arrests and convictions related to alcohol. Yes, drinking is common. But the point is that the team has a POLICY whereby you are suspended if you drink more than once/week and removed from the team on the second offense of this nature. One would think that an arrest/conviction with the law related to alcohol would be even more serious than being caught drinking more than once/week. Seems an inconsistent policy. Again, Huguely’s case wasn’t underage drinking but even worse…public intoxication, resisting arrest, etc.</p>
<p>I’m not relating this to the murder, but simply this side story that has come out.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Be honest. Has anyone else noticed that young boys of divorce living with the Mom often act out later in their teenage years? Many I’ve seen end up living with Dad in their mid to late teens, but only after the damage has been done. Again, be honest.</p>
<p>OOPS!! The summary is misleading. The athletic director said HE personally did not know about Huguely’s 2008 arrest, but doesn’t know whether the coach did. </p>
<p>[UVA</a> brass: Honchos defend school after lacrosse killing | The Hook News Blog](<a href=“http://www.readthehook.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/05/uva-brass-honchos-defend-school-after-lacrosse-killing/]UVA”>http://www.readthehook.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/05/uva-brass-honchos-defend-school-after-lacrosse-killing/)</p>
<p>*Be honest. Has anyone else noticed that young boys of divorce living with the Mom often act out later in their teenage years? Many I’ve seen end up living with Dad in their mid to late teens, but only after the damage has been done. Again, be honest. *</p>
<p>Even if that were true, you’re implying that these boys “act up” and are “damaged” because they lived with their moms. That can’t be concluded. We have no idea if such boys “act up” because of what they witnessed during the marriage or after the divorce or wherever. The ones who end up choosing to live with the dad, often do so because dads are often more lenient… That’s a major frustration for some moms to see their teens choose to move in with dad because “dad” often doesn’t have the “eagle eyes” that mom has.</p>
<p>Young boys of divorce USUALLY live with the mother, so that doesn’t tell us much. Plenty of acting out occurs in 2 parent households as well.</p>
<p>This whole thing is sickening. This young man had some serious issues and this murder is the horrible culmination. How can this be prevented? How do you decide when someone is more than a hot-headed, entitled jerk and is a potential murderer? I am truly at a loss.</p>
<p>I can absolutely attest to the fact that the culture of this lacrosse team and many others is one of drinking, partying and living on the edge. I know quite a bit about one of the other players.</p>
<p>It is disconcerting, that there was an alleged altercation between Ms. Love and Huguely two weeks prior at a Greek house, and that it likely was not reported (until now). And who knows if friends persuaded her to report it or intervened in any other capacity. This is where the tragedy can be with abuse. Everyone is friends. Nobody wants to get the friend in trouble. But depending what happened on that occasion, she may have been able to get a restraining order or gotten the school or police to intervene. But I can see how that never happened. But it is a shame as it is sounding like some things led up to the final incident. It will be interesting to learn IF there were threats or any content of emails or phone messages or harassment. In my view, it is a case about abuse in relationships, and not about lacrosse or who his parents are. If this guy is an abuser and controller and angry person, who also abuses alcohol, his abuse of the woman could escalate when she broke up with him. He was not in control of the relationship anymore and so exerted his control over her in a violent way.</p>
<p>*How do you decide when someone is more than a hot-headed, entitled jerk and is a potential murderer? *</p>
<p>Very true. But because the potential is there for hot-headed, entitled jerks to be abusive (even if they don’t murder), that should be enough for these guys to be avoided like the plague. It can be like playing Russian Roulette. </p>
<p>And, perhaps this personality type needs some intervention at a young age.</p>
<p>It’s also an opportunity to have that discussion with the young women we know and love: if a guy threatens you, get out of the relationship. And get out at the first hint; don’t think it will change, get better, go away…</p>
<p>I don’t think whom he lived with after the divorce is relevant. The kind of relationship he had with his Dad and whether he had a good strong male role model might be relevant. It might also be relevant that the divorce and child support issues were fought over for 7 years. None of these things alone or together lead someone to murder but all the circumstances together add to the ball of wax.</p>
<p>
bingo…</p>
<p>So, it was already reported and also on this thread about the 2008 arrest for public intoxication, resisting arrest, and public swearing, for which Huguely received a 60 day suspended sentence, six months probation, a fine, and had to do 50 hours of community service and attend substance abuse counseling. And while one poster heard a news report of an underage drinking arrest at 17 (I haven’t seen an article myself that says that), now it is reported:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This would mean that the underage possession of alcohol arrest was while he was in college (age 19) and on the team. Then he had the arrest in 2008 also. So, it does seem surprising that he was allowed to keep playing for the team, given their alcohol policy that just restricts drinking to one night per week. Two alcohol related arrests while on the team would seem more of a transgression to me than simply being caught drinking two nights per week. </p>
<p>[George</a> Huguely: University of Virginia Murder Suspect Once Threatened Female Cop - ABC News](<a href=“Female Cop Says Lacrosse Murder Suspect Once Threatened to Kill Her - ABC News”>Female Cop Says Lacrosse Murder Suspect Once Threatened to Kill Her - ABC News)</p>
<p>Again, this is unrelated to the murder, but is an issue in terms of policy to play on a college team. In any case, he has had run in’s with the law (the resisting arrest one being the most serious before now).</p>
<p>*If this guy is an abuser and controller and angry person, who also abuses alcohol, his abuse of the woman could escalate when she broke up with him. He was not in control of the relationship anymore and so exerted his control over her in a violent way. *</p>
<p>this is the story of OJ Simpson. He couldn’t stand the fact that his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson would not reconcile with him. He was a guy who was used to being admired, adored, powerful, and in control. He wasn’t used to being told, “no.”</p>
<p>Unfortunately, every day it seems, there is a story of a husband killing his wife or his ex. Domestic / relationship abuse is a real problem. These murderers are not ones who randomly murder people or who one would think would commit such a crime but in a relationship where they have control over the woman and abuse her, it can escalate and some go to extremes to beat or murder their partners, the ultimate form of control. Add in alcohol and the potential is there with certain types of men.</p>
<p>From the start, I have been able to believe that it is plausible that Huguely may not have intended to kill Ms. Love, but in his out of control rage, he physically abused her and in a severe enough way, that she died from his domestic violence.</p>
<p>Often, domestic violence goes unreported.</p>
<p>My D, a sophomore in college, has told me of at least three male students that have become physically abusive (slapping, arm twisting) or threatening (once to her). Two of these students were star athletes and were allowed to stay in school and on the team. One male student actually raped another student. My D had seen him at a party the week before and became nervous because he was acting aggressively towards girls there. Not surprisingly, all these incidents included alcohol.</p>
<p>What actually bothered my D the most was how unwilling or afraid the girls were to report these abuses. Not only that, one of her girl friends actually dated one of these boys and made excuses for him. What made matters worse was that the administration also seemed unwilling or unable to expell these students. </p>
<p>My D goes to a small LAC with a sophisticated student body. I was really saddened to hear that these girls did not seem any more empowered than girls of my generation. I bring this up as a way to encourage all of you parents to have many talks with your D’s about this. Because they will definitely see some of this type of behavior. what happened to this poor girl, Yeardley Love is only the most extreme version of something that is unfortunately, rather commonplace in college.</p>
<p>
Of course it’s possible, and probably happens quite often. The private school probably has experts in packaging college applicants (the SAT cheating scandal probably further refined their packaging program).</p>