<p>Female Students Take Down Maine Slasher at Husson University - AOL News </p>
<p>YEAH! This is what I am talking about. “No Turning Away” for these girls!</p>
<p>Glad it worked out well.</p>
<p>If protestors show up at Yeardley’s funeral I will lose it. This is the last thing her family needs right now. What is wrong with people?</p>
<p>If this murder is not used as a means to pick apart every possible part of Huguely’s life to see what may or may not have contributed, then shame on everyone. How can anything be learned if the attitude is that this kid was just bad and he was destined to murder from the day he was born? I believe that everything that happened to him brought him to that awful night and we don’t know whether changing one of those things or two of those things or none of those things would have mattered, but not considering them makes no sense to me. </p>
<p>First and foremost, I believe drugs and alcohol lit the match. Whatever he was doing that day and night, there were others doing it with him. Who and what has that last clear chance to change that?</p>
<p>I am replying to a message I cannot find somewhere in the 20’s pages which was spot on about males objectifying women - but I have alot more to add. This story has very much disheartened me on several levels. I feel horribly for both families, UVA, the entire story is just painful to examine. But I can tell you from first hand experience that it’s not just a problem among men’s athletic teams who get high on something and objectify women, some women do it, too. And they are overlooked for it FAR WORSE. They actually get away with portraying themselves the victim of it while they do it. I doubt it happened here, but it happened to me. And it was Very Troubling on many levels, but the University I attended didn’t do squat about it. Nobody did, which made it even harder to deal with. It ruined my college education and took me years to recover from. But I didn’t act-out and doing anything about it, I acted in. Men are supposed to just ‘get over it’, you got laid. This kind of thing is a Big Aspect of the Cycle, and women need to own up to their part in doing it. With religion (which requires me to forgive and face my own shortcomings which I was not without), therapy, and whole lot of long term pain I got through it - and I wish like anything I could have talked to this young man before he went off the deep end. If you want to solve a problem you need to look at the entirety of it. Women can be every bit as competitive, narcissistic, unempathetic, covetous, dismissive, unloving as men (I’m not saying that the victim in this case was any of those things and all reports indicative quite otherwise - but that’s not always the case. When you add alcohol/other stimulants and sex into the mix and don’t treat others with loving care bad things can happen. We never hear about when women do it but believe me some do.</p>
<p>Another star lacrosse player, a Native American who is seemingly from the opposite end of the economic scale from Huguely, is currently awaiting trial for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, who was pregnant with his child. Laxmagazine.com states:</p>
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<p>I think this attitude is commendable. I would hope that UVa would share that attitude.</p>
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It’s all conjecture. Please stop trying to correlate lax players or the lax culture with murder. Lots of kids fight with their parents, lots of kids are athletes, lots of kids drink alcohol - hardly any of them murder.</p>
<p>Additionally - if you “pick apart” Huguely’s life and blame everyone in it then you must treat all cases the same way. Yet, no one is interested in picking apart Kevin Schaeffer’s life to learn why he murdered Emily Silverstein.</p>
<p>The Love case is a train wreck and we all love them. It is scandalous - involving money, athletes, a broken home up against beauty, brains and fatherless.
It got massive coverage from a couple of big newspapers - the Baltimore Sun and Washington Post - filled with salacious articles. </p>
<p>Time to quit talking about how the Lax “culture” played “a role” - if that is the case then show me more murders resulting from it. Time to start talking about the real issues.</p>
<p>If you have never been faced with an abuser or potential abuser or never had a friend in this position - then you don’t know how truly difficult it is to try and decipher where/if there is any danger.<br>
It’s not enough to tell parent’s to talk to their kids. Most parent’s don’t really know more than the kids.</p>
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<p>You must have missed my post. Go to [Lacrosse</a> Magazine :: A Publication of US Lacrosse : Lacrosse Magazine Headlines](<a href=“http://www.laxmagazine.com%5DLacrosse”>http://www.laxmagazine.com).</p>
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<p>That’s why this is a “teachable moment.” We acknowledge we don’t know how to help our kids. Maybe we can learn from this horrific event.</p>
<p>Apparently there IS a LAX party culture just as Rugby has a strong reputation for drinking after games.</p>
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<p>This is very personal to me. That is exactly how I know that there are very often people in the abuser’s life who know things, who enable behavior and whose actions could have led to a different result. Three out of three times for me, all those things were true. There was a sport involved - a sport whose culture, in some areas, is similar to lacrosse - rugby. When I look at that mug shot of Huguely, I see someone else’s eyes and he’s looking right at me. My door was kicked down. I have pictures of bruises. I have police reports. I am lucky to be alive. </p>
<p>Through all that, there was a family, a group of friends, a group of athletes who closed ranks and convinced some that I somehow deserved it. I was told that it was not really him - it was the alcohol, the drugs. I was begged to please not get him in trouble - he’ll lose everything. We’ll take care of him they said. We’ll get him help they said. </p>
<p>Yes, he did it again and he ended up in jail. Had she died, I would have had some blame to bear - his friends, his rugby team, his parents all would have had some blame to bear.</p>
<p>JustaMomof4,
There are many studies out there that find there is some evidence that participation in professional/high-powered collegiate athletics predisposes male athletes to misogynistic behavior. The links have been provided and it is not conjecture. </p>
<p>Do these studies conclude that all male athletes will assault women? Of course not. That’s like concluding all smokers will develop lung cancer. So please stop claiming that those of us who are concerned about this issue are stating that all LAX players will commit murder. I think you know very well that it is not what we are saying.</p>
<p>Oh, here’s another link for your reading enjoyment</p>
<p>[INSIDE</a> Chico State](<a href=“http://www.csuchico.edu/pub/inside/archive/00_11_02/02.sports.html]INSIDE”>http://www.csuchico.edu/pub/inside/archive/00_11_02/02.sports.html)</p>
<p>INSIDE CHICO STATE: and women don’t manipulate? And use sex to do it? This board is becoming a joke. There are as many psychopathic women as there are men.</p>
<p>Here is a link to a Today Show segment which is mostly about Yeardley, with photos of her with her mother, her sister, her friends - some photos of her as a young child:</p>
<p>[msnbc.com</a> Video Player](<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/37014803#37014803]msnbc.com”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/37014803#37014803)</p>
<p>It is so heartbreaking to think about the effects of this murder on her family, particularly her sister. I am fortunate in that I have five sisters; there is really nothing like a sister. My kids also have close relationships with their aunts, as well as with their cousins. My sisters have also brought wonderful men into our family (and my four brothers have brought more sisters). Yeardley’s sister now has no siblings, and her life, as well as her children’s lives, will be impoverished as a result. </p>
<p>I can’t even imagine how her mother must feel, knowing that her daughter’s last moments were filled with fear, terror, and pain. </p>
<p>Hearing about the incident in which Hugely jumped into the ocean, I can’t help thinking that it would have been better for everyone concerned if he’d drowned that day.</p>
<p>cartera45 - Thank you for posting. I know the healing process is never over for victims of abuse. I hope your healing continues in a positive direction, and that public reminders like this UVA situation don’t cause you to slip on the path of recovery. </p>
<p>While I have, fortunately, not been the object of abuse, I have some knoweldge of the patterns and I also believe that there must have been people in the accused’s family, team, and friends who knew about his behavior, and either enabled it, were bullied into not reporting it/were scared to report it, or just hoped it would go away. They didn’t want his life to be ruined. And…now look what has happened.</p>
<p>My only hope in the horror of this very high profile case that has ruined lives and brought dishonor to a distinguised university is that they give voice and recognition to patterns of abuse that are NOT normal, NOT justified by any sports culture and should not be tolerated by a civil society.</p>
<p>Thank you. There is a stigma still attached to domestic abuse. The abuser, family and friends will often try to make the victim feel as though she/he did something to deserve it. Even though you know intellectually that you did not, these are people whom you trusted and loved who are defending someone whom you also loved at one point. The jumble of emotions is overwhelming and you want so much to believe that the person won’t hurt you. I feel that Yeardley must have thought - just get me through these last couple of weeks and I’ll be away from him. Maybe friends told her - just get through these last couple of weeks and you’ll be away from him. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, he knew that too.</p>
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Thank you for sharing your story, cartera. </p>
<p>I think it’s very relevant.</p>
<p>What if she’d made commitments to him, Cartera? </p>
<p>Many women figure they can just ditch men instead of working through problems in a relationship they’ve committed to when they just don’t feel like it anymore. In marriage they can soak you dry in this system. Until some women start understanding that’s not a healthy approach, this kind of thing will continue. </p>
<p>But don’t worry, it’s easier to just blame the guy and split. Women are always victims, they never do anything wrong.</p>
<p>^^sadatthisstory—you cannot be serious! how can you imply that one should have stayed in this abusive relationship. please do not use this tragedy to espouse misogyny </p>
<p>cartera–thanks for discussing what takes courage to discuss, that is an example of what we all hope our kids will learn. to not turn away and to not be silent…</p>
<p>Cartera,
Thank you for having the courage to post your story. May you continue to heal.</p>
<p>Please, please - no one take the fetid bait of the ■■■■■.</p>
<p>And thank you for the kind words. </p>
<p>Yeardley’s family is receiving friends about two miles from my house in about an hour. I can’t imagine the grief in that room.</p>
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<p>This is exactly what happened in my D’s college. Friends of male student who assaulted a female student lied outright and denied anything happened (they were all present), so the college did nothing to discipline the assaulter. He went on to do it to another female student.</p>
<p>As I mentioned before (many posts back), many girls feel a sense of shame when something like this happens and do not report it. My D urged her friend to report the incident and accompanied her to the Residential life director. It was truly upsetting that nothing was done to discipline the guy. It reinforced the feelings of shame for the poor girl. I thought that with all the changes in rape laws and women’s empowerment, girls would feel differently, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed. Maybe this attitude is less pervasive in all women colleges.</p>
<p>@sadatthisstory, I am sorry for what ever happened to you. You should seek professional help to help you deal with the emotions you are feeling. Yes, women can be abusive and objectify men. But to justify the physical abuse this young woman suffered by suggesting there was a commitment that was broken is not rational thinking, furthur proof that you need help dealing with your pain. </p>
<p>@cartera, how very brave of you to share your story. As painful as it must be, I hope that by sharing you have opened some eyes and maybe someone will come forward and another tragedy will be averted. I wish the best for you and they you may continue to heal.</p>