<p>I hear and agree with your post. I am not a prep but I have a lax playing son and a lot of the posts **** me off royally. </p>
<p>I’ve been on this board a long time and unfortunately the orginal thread about the Duke Lax Rape trial has ben lost … it was literally hundreds of pages long with tons of folks ripping rich kids and helmet sports. And after everything shook out and the authorities not only dropped the charges but explicitly said the students were innocent of the charges dropped guess how many posters came back and apologized or took back their comments about those rich lax playing creeps who commited these crimes? </p>
<p>This was a terrible tradegy and hopefully will be a teaching moment for many women and men … however to me the endless speculation without information and the profiling of groups is far from the best of the CC community.</p>
<p>I just don’t get it… we supposedly have posters here saying that the ‘UVA community is built on trust and despite common belief right now, when one Hoo feels that they are in trouble or something wrong is going on, another Hoo will stand up and say something.’ </p>
<p>As the story unfolds, it appears as if the UVA community missed more than one opportunity to ‘stand up’ for Love. And now what, they are silent out of fear for repercussions? I don’t see a lot of protection going on, except to cover up someone’s crime.</p>
<p>OK… just asking here because I do not have any connections with big U D1 sports. But these questions are running through my head as I attempt to make some sense of things. </p>
<p>We all agree that it takes someone with the ability to be very physically aggressive to be successful in lacrosse, perhaps only equal to what it takes in football. However, the sport of football is relegated to men only and there is no opportunity for mens and women’s teams to mix socially. Several sports have both mens and women’s teams, such as volleyball, baseball/softball, swimming, tennis, basketball, etc. But none of those sports have the reputation as being as physically aggressive as is needed for football and lacrosse (and please, no one read into what I’m saying as these other sports are not physical… I know they are). The question I have is, do the mens and women’s teams of these other sports mix socially as it seems they do in lacrosse? </p>
<p>People keep insisting that it’s not lacrosse, and maybe it isn’t. But what other sports have such close knit communities amongst its mens and women’s teams? On the level of lacrosse.</p>
<p>^ women’s lax has very different rules than men’s lax and is not nearly as physical … hockey and rugby are the first two sports that pop into my head that women and men play and are pretty physical (with an opponent) although I have no idea how much teams tend to socialize together.</p>
<p>I would also encourage any student who believes she has been assaulted or abused to go to the local police department first, rather than the campus police. Your local police department may have more experience in handling these cases. Police departments across the nation now have specialists and resources for battered women. They can advise you how to get a court order of protection.</p>
<p>Then go to the campus police to report the incident and utilize your campus resources.</p>
<p>3togo - I don’t want to rehash the Duke mess and those boys were treated unfairly. However, can anyone deny that the team was out of control and that many looked the other way with regard to the partying, the drinking, the way they treated their neighbors and fellow students. Yes, they didn’t do the ultimate thing for which they were accused but what had they done to make it so easy for so many to believe that they could have? They weren’t given the benefit of the doubt for a reason and their behavior had a lot to do with that.</p>
<p>yorkyfan - I agree the police should be involved, but do you know what a court order can really do to protect you - not much. Notice how many women who end up beaten or worse had orders of protection. Absolutely, get them, but don’t feel safe because of them.</p>
<p>It is bewildering that friends of Huguely are reluctant to speak up now after the murder about any observations or information they know. And that was what I was referring to earlier that was likely a contributing factor BEFORE the murder in that it is a close knit community, or a “club” if you will, and given their age, they also protect one another and don’t speak up and don’t want to get one another in trouble. Here is where some training of these young people is needed so that they learn to speak up when things are very wrong. Certain things should be red flags that trump friendship.</p>
<p>Teriwtt, my D was not in a contact sport in college but her sport, ski racing, while it had a women’s and a separate men’s team, did train together and also had their events/competitions together, and they stayed together every weekend for these out of town events.</p>
<p>Fishymom: I’ve already had professional help, which helps me to identify abusive women alot earlier than I did before. The problem I still have is that in society there is no such thing as abusive women (and NEVER ONCE IN HERE did I suggest Ms. Love is/was such a woman). I think this guy should be hung by the yard arm after he’s convicted in a fair trial. </p>
<p>But what I’m reading here is indicative of what I already know: alot of women want what they want when they want it, and they’ve been reared in this culture to be every bit as narcissistic and sociopathic as men - and many are. </p>
<p>When a man points it out he’s the one who needs professional help. </p>
<p>BTW, being ‘sorry’ for what happened to me is a pretty lame response which many women think they can just dismiss men with in expedience/lack of responsibility/accountability for their own abusive behavior. Women are RARELY held accountable and they know it.</p>
<p>sadaththisstory, nobody is claiming that domestic abuse and violence is not ever caused by women against men. However, the statistics repeatedly show that it is MUCH more common for the victims to be females and the perpetrators to be men. </p>
<p>Wait, what? We’re sorry you were the victim of an abusive woman. It must be terrible for you. We hope you find help to deal with your pain. What more do you expect from a chat board?</p>
<p>Here’s some more ■■■■■ Bait: *An estimated 56 percent of all abusers – physical, mental and sexual – are women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The most common form is psychological. *</p>
<p>This is Soccerguy315 commenting on Yeardly getting her degree from UVa.</p>
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<p>Hey Soccer315, Would you mind letting us know what your personal and professional ties to UVa are? I would like you share your comments with those that work with you. UVa has enough to deal without adding another fool to its midst.</p>
<p>Anyone who would make sick jokes about a dead girl has issues. My guess is you won’t reveal yourself in the interest of full disclosure</p>
<p>sadathisstory, the fact is that you just registered and joined the CC community and have no posting history. Your posts so far are just on this thread with a specific agenda about abuse of men by women. People evaluate the validity of posts based on some form of posting history. It just is.</p>
<p>I appreciate what you said there, Cardinal Fang… but it’s a misinterpretation or misunderstanding for what I meant, which is: this is a problem that needs to be addressed across gender, socio-economic lines. The major focus of this thread is male against female abuse, and I can understand that given the subject is this horrible event at UVA. </p>
<p>The problem is that saying ‘sorry’ doesn’t resolve the problem (no, I don’t expect anybody on this board to do any more than that - what I would hope is that the problem gets addressed ENTIRELY.</p>
<p>Also, sadathisstory, the article you chose to link to is about parent abuse of children. The issue here is relationship abuse in intimate relationships (dating or marriage), not abuse of children by adults.</p>
That “discussion” went way beyond not giving those young men the benefit of the doubt … there was endless speculation about the lax culture, how much was Duke culpable (sp?). look at how the players cover up for each other (when we now know they were telling the truth), look how well they lie (they didn’t), and of course since they are rich helmet sport playing jocks it isn’t really surprising that they end up group raping women. A lot of those lax players are not guys I would be happy if my daughter was dating however that did not make them rapist of place them in a position where neutral observers should want to hang them way before having info. </p>
<p>In this case … I hope Hurgely spends the rest of his life jail … but I find the assumptions made about groups guite unbecoming of the CC community … and clearly your mileage may very.</p>
<p>I see it quite differently, Sooz, in that most of the posts on this thread claim to be interested in objectively resolving this rampant problem and not a SINGLE ONE I READ included the notion that women themselves can be part of the problem. If the problem is to be addressed adroitly and resolved I am in the camp that it must be looked at ENTIRELY. I have also expressed sadness and disdain for this recent tragedy at UVA and NO WAY am I blaming the victim of this murder.</p>