<p>^^^ What he said.</p>
<p>*and the parents might well have done something to address that, too. Nobody wants their son labeled an abuser, but nobody wants their son to BE an abuser either, or to wind up in prison for, at a bare minimum, years and years. *</p>
<p>True…but IF the dad had been an abuser (not saying that he was), this subject would have been a “touchy area” for him and he likely would not have dealt with it if it hit too close to home. (no pun intended) Someone who “pushed, hit, and shoved” his way with his wife (and rationalized doing so) may not want to believe his son’s actions are any worse than his were. Again, I’m not saying that the dad was an abuser and/or had alcohol issues; I’m just saying that if he was, then he might not respond in a logical fashion of wanting his son “to get help.” </p>
<p>I do know of a case such as this. When my kids were young, I belonged to a moms group in my neighborhood. One of the moms got beaten up by her H (another mom happened to come over right after it happened.) The mom admitted to the other mom that this was not the first time. (We always knew that the H was a MAJOR control freak!) Turns out that the H’s dad had been an abuser to his wife for years (and we all knew THEM, too, but we had no idea of the abuse.). The H’s dad went into total denial because he didn’t want any personal judgment or reflection back onto his own behavior.</p>
<p>JHS & MOWC, </p>
<p>Why would you have fought the order? I don’t get it. Not meant to be snarky–just an honest question.</p>
<p>jhs—not sure how you’d enforce no alcohol while permitting the student to stay on campus… likely, many parents who learned or knew that their s had this kind of alcohol and/or anger issue, we’d hopefully do all we could to get him into a treatment program, not keep them on campus, trying to monitor the bad behavior.</p>
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<p>I don’t know how this “telling an alcoholic no more alcohol” is supposed to work. That is, of course an alcoholic should stop drinking, but if I were home, and my alcoholic child were at college in a different state, how would I know the kid stopped drinking?</p>
<p>(We don’t know that Huguely was/is an alcoholic, but if reports are true, we do know he has an enormous problem with alcohol.)</p>
<p>mom2: All of what you say is true, but only maybe. Even in those circumstances, maybe it would have been a wakeup call to the father, too. Maybe he wouldn’t want to see his son repeating his own destructive behaviors. So maybe he would act hypocritically – it wouldn’t be the first time a parent did that! – pretending that his son’s faults weren’t his own. Or maybe he would beg forgiveness instead of going into denial. Denial is a real possibility, just not the only one. I really believe in the possibility of redemption and change, at least until someone actually kills someone. (And even than, I guess, but it’s much sadder.)</p>
<p>As for everyone else’s accurate criticism of my chest-thumping: Of course I would have trouble doing that. If he hadn’t been in his last few weeks of his last semester and last season at college, as his father I would have thought it best to yank him out immediately. Under the circumstances, though, that would have seemed too hard and too cruel, I bet, and the temptation would have been to try to hold things together another month. So I would have found some “mechanism”. Right? As I said before, just because something isn’t guaranteed to work perfectly doesn’t mean you don’t try it.</p>
<p>A few years ago a woman I know had a situation at work with a former employee who was disgruntled about being let go. The person had made several threats to some of his bosses and my friend had been warned to be careful. The police discussed the possibility of filing a restraining order against him but mentioned that, in their experience this course of action can sometimes provoke aggression form the person rather than prevent it. </p>
<p>I don’t know, you hear so many stories about women who have an order in place and still are victimized. Maybe that’s only because we hear about the crimes as news worthy but, of course, never hear about the people who have a successful restraining order in place.</p>
<p>Jonri - thanks so much for the explanation. It makes better sense to me now. So if tomorrow someone wanted to get a PO against someone, they’d just show up at their county courthouse? I didn’t know that there were basically ‘walk-in’ appointments. I know nothing about how our local courts work.</p>
<p>I think men really need to step in and help stop this seemingly endless story of abuse against women in this culture. Boys (and to me a 21 yo is still a boy) need strong men to step in and stop any abusive bad behavior (and speech) toward women. One of the facts in this story that stood out to me was that fact that his father was gone from the house due to divorce. Young men need older caring adults in their lives. I dare not say he learn this behavior (uncontrolled angry) from his father, because I don’t have a clue. But he did learn it from someone and it was never checked. I have seen many boys who are not going on to college and not graduating High School. These are sons of lawyer and doctors. I don’t get it? The case we are speaking about today is the extreme, of course, but it does highlight a problem. Boys need great men in their lives. Boys need men to be great!</p>
<p>My D was being harrassed (via email and phone) by an ex-BF and blocked him on Facebook and in her regular email account, but, unfortunately, her university IT/computer people told her it was impossible to (on her university account) block a single address or have any incoming email from that address automatically routed to the trash. The best they could do was tell her to contact the police.</p>
<p>[Virginia</a> Lacrosse Alumni Network (VLAN) Supports the Virginia Lacrosse Programs and the University… – MALVERN, Pa., May 14 /PRNewswire/ --](<a href=“http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/virginia-lacrosse-alumni-network-vlan-supports-the-virginia-lacrosse-programs-and-the-university-of-virginia-93792154.html]Virginia”>http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/virginia-lacrosse-alumni-network-vlan-supports-the-virginia-lacrosse-programs-and-the-university-of-virginia-93792154.html)</p>
<p>^ As a former collegiate women’s lax player, here’s hoping those lady 'Hoos play with courage and tremendous skill and go on to defeat Towson on Sunday. They deserve it after all they have been through. If anyone can make it to the game to offer support, go. Start time is noon in Cville.</p>
<p>From the article about VLAN:</p>
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Is this a very big wagon that’s just joined the circle? Let’s hope the prosecutor can find some answers! </p>
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UVA = honor. Most of the time. Too bad there wasn’t more of it on the part of those at UVA who knew Huguely’s violent past and his intention to “get her back.”</p>
<p>CTTC, while I agree with you that there had to be some people that knew of the anger/drinking issues of GH (we know from several reports that Dom Starsia was told about GH’s fight with the teammate) ALL of those kids may not have been aware of its severity nor have felt that they could intervene in an appropriate manner without being chastised. We are getting into speculation again about who knew what, but I personally wonder if the real truth of the agression between YL and GH was kept fairly under wraps until the last few weeks. </p>
<p>I can see why the article was written on the students’/teams’ behalf. These are young student athletes who have to be feeling a great deal of remorse because of what happened. Surely they are revisiting every minute they had with him or her. They need to know that someone or something- in this case their alumni network- is supportive of them as a whole.</p>
<p>^^^^^It’s already been mentioned, but probably worth repeating that, in this particular case, so close to graduation, those privy probably were all thinking, “Let’s just get through these last few weeks, then they go their separate ways and they’re on to their own lives…” I would be willing to bet the farm that’s what Yeardley was thinking/hoping.</p>
<p>Now, that’s not necessarily what they should have done, because if it wasn’t Yeardley, it was going to be someone else if he didn’t get help for his anger/alcohol issues, but I can see how all concerned could have been just hoping it would all go away once they graduated.</p>
<p>Do you think her mother was aware of what her daughter was going through with George?</p>
<p>dke, I can say with a reasonable level of certainty that her mother was aware, as well as her sister. there may have been a protective or restraining order discussion in the family. She may have even come home one weekend in relation to needing to get away. Her family may have been actively involved in trying to help.</p>
<p>I have heard this 2nd/3rd hand through an alumni network at her highschool - so it’s not completely reliable.</p>
<p>If someone is hitting you and threatening you, then I can’t see how you wouldn’t tell your parents or someone else about it. I think that the problem was that the end of the semester was coming up with the usual pressures of attending classes, studying for exams and her time for her team. The idea of running out the clock was probably attractive but GH probably felt the clock running out and got more desperate as it was ticking down.</p>
<p>I offered my daughter to accompany her to and from classes when she had her problem and she told me that she could manage. She just either walked with her professors when he showed up outside the classroom after a class or just went to places where she knew he wouldn’t be there. She did run the clock out and he was gone the next semester (we both expected that based on what he said he was getting for grades).</p>
<p>The idea of running out the clock was probably attractive but GH probably felt the clock running out and got more desperate as it was ticking down.</p>
<p>Yes, I think that the fact that they both would soon be graduating and going their separate ways probably made GH more desperate as he knew that she would soon be back at home and he wouldn’t be able to just show up and bother her like he could while they were at school.</p>
<p>Yeardley Love was remembered at the UVA full university graduation with a moment of silence. There were students and volunteers handing out 25,000 white ribbons to call attention to issues of domestic violence. Love was also recognized at the politics department graduation, where the new grads and their families recognized her posthumously with a standing ovation that lasted over a minute.</p>