Student on Student Lacrosse Murder at UVa

<p>Did you not see the “some,” toblin? Your comment makes no sense.</p>

<p>*While that may speak volumes and be true about the men in your family, please have the decency not portray your own family experience or personal reasoning as being common to the rest of society. *</p>

<p>What? The men in my family do not overpower the women! </p>

<p>If you are so naive to think that men who do abuse women aren’t aware that they can do so because they are stronger, than you need to realize that. Why do you think adults abuse babies/children? Because they PHYSICALLY can get away with it. SAME LOGIC. Duh!</p>

<p>*It’s his assumption that women are weak. Are you saying there aren’t women out there that could kill you, too? It’s the generalized assumption he’s using to justify gun ownership. *</p>

<p>I don’t want this to be a debate about gun ownership. Guns are used for self-protection all the time. Yes, sometimes the guns aren’t readily available when needed. That’s not an argument against them. IF it were, then a phone/bat/pepper spray/etc wouldn’t be helpful either since those things are not always easily within reach.</p>

<p>His parents aren’t on trial. To me, it’s absurd to believe that if you do a good job of parenting, you’re guaranteed good results.</p>

<p>I feel pretty confident that neither of my kids will become murderers… I think many good parents can feel a similar confidence.</p>

<p>reading through the previous arrest where he was combative and threatened to kill the arresting policewoman, why was he only charged with public swearing, public intoxication and resisting arrest? he showed his true rage during that arrest, very tragic that more wasn’t done then.</p>

<p>"He said: ‘I’ll kill you. I’ll kill all of y’all. I’m not going to jail,’ " Moff recalled Huguely saying, in a diatribe laced with racial, sexual and otherwise vulgar terms.</p>

<p>Moff said Huguely then became combative and fought with her for “three or four minutes.” She said she Tasered him, then placed him in handcuffs. The Taser “incapacitated him long enough for me to get cuffs on him,” Moff said. “But that just ****ed him off even more. He became a lot more aggressive.”</p>

<p>It’s ridiculous to blame the parents based on the limited information available at this point. It’s just stupid. I can tell you of many instances where one or more kids in a family are model citizens and another is a criminal or has severe emotional issues.<br>
I really hate it when people use these tragedies as an opportunity to pat themselves on the back and make sure everyone in internet-land knows this could NEVER happen in THEIR family.</p>

<p>MOWC, well said!</p>

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I do agree that sometimes, in rare cases, you can do absolutely everything right and a kid does not turn out okay. But, IMHO, that is very rare. Most of the time, good parenting produces good kids. If you don’t believe that, why bother to parent at all?</p>

<p>She lived off campus. I’m about as anti-gun a person as you can find, but this is the exactly the kind of situation where arming oneself (in whatever way one is comfortable with) makes a lot of sense. If, God forbid, I ever have an ex sending me threats of physical violence, damn straight I’m spending my last dime on a big dog/bodyguard/gun lessons/panic alarm/pepper spray, along with a bloodthirsty lawyer. It’s not foolproof, but it’s worth a try. Most of the domestic violence deaths occur when the victim ends the relationship. If someone’s warning me, I pray that I listen.</p>

<p>Hey, I join you in dreaming of the time when Americans do a better job of raising sons. But heck no, I don’t think of that first when I hear this kind of story. In Japan, men don’t beat women to death with anything like the frequency they do here, and heaven knows isn’t because they aren’t chauvinists! Right now, we have a culture of murder, and we have to educate our children to be aware of the warning signs.</p>

<p>mom2collegekids - the point I’m trying to make is that when we perpetuate generalizations, people (and not just women) can develop a false sense of security. </p>

<p>I was at the gym last week, working out on some new weights without my trainer for the first time and was trying to recall how to get situated on the bench with my weights ready to go, without falling off. One of the other older trainers saw me struggling and yelled for one of the staff members to go help the ‘damsel in distress’. Then I heard him tell the client he was working with, “We should always help out damsels in distress.” I wanted to gag! It’s the attitude that we’re seen as women who are weak, as opposed to human beings (I guess the men who can’t figure out this move don’t get the help) who need to be rescued. </p>

<p>Again, it’s back to blaming the victim because she didn’t have a gun, or was smaller, etc. I would never assume because I was bigger than someone (and I’m not talking about the difference between adults and babies/children) that I could overpower them.</p>

<p>My D went to a “mixer” recently at the Landon school. The teachers there had to call an ambulance and the police because some students had drunk so much they had passed out. The party was broken up before 10 PM! The kids had brought alcohol with them and also had drunk a lot before coming to the school. Not sure if they were lacrosse players or not. I’m also not sure how typical this sort of thing is in private school parties around here. I wish I could say for sure that it is a rare event.</p>

<p>One great thing… the cops wouldn’t let anyone leave until every driver had taken a breathalyzer test.</p>

<p>Can anyone give the link of this young man’s prior arrests/behavior? Thanks. </p>

<p>3bm, you ask why parent at all? I agree that good parenting facilitates turning out kids who will do well and not get arrested and all that good stuff. I’m just saying that you could still parent very well and have one of your kids turn out to be a problem child. If you were not parenting well, then why does your other kid turn out great? Being a good parent helps, but it is not a guarantee it will all turn out well with the kid. Being a bad parent certainly will exacerbate the problem.</p>

<p>Exactly, MomofWildChild, Kids in college get picked up all the time for things like underage drinking. 99.99 percent of them will not go on to murder someone . To expect his parents to have some kind of crystal ball to predict that he could be capable of this is just not realistic . He is going to have to live with what he did forever. I’m sure people that know him are second guessing/ wondering how this could have happened.</p>

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hmm … to only walk in another persons shoes … I know two set of excellent parents each with a child who has serious anger management issues … and I do not know anyone who knows these families and the kids who thinks it was the parents and not how the kids came wired. Personally Mom3togo and I often say our thanks that our kids are normal kids and we’re not dealing with issues like these 2 families are through no fault of their own.</p>

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<p>I never said that “all” the men in the posters life acted in such a matter. But the “experience” had to come from somewhere. And I repeat my point that the poster should not project his/her personal family experiences on anyone else.</p>

<p>*it’s back to blaming the victim because she didn’t have a gun, or was smaller, *</p>

<p>No one, I repeat, NO ONE, is blaming the victim because she was smaller or didn’t have a gun. </p>

<p>Similarly, NO ONE would blame a child for being abused by a larger parent.</p>

<p>*I never said that “all” the men in the posters life acted in such a matter. But the “experience” had to come from somewhere. And I repeat my point that the poster should not project his/her personal family experiences on anyone else. *</p>

<p>This is just nutty. I have no “personal or family” experiences of such abuse. You act like that’s the only way people know of such. That’s silly. Any clear-thinking person who reads the paper/watches the news knows of such cases.</p>

<p>Gosh, if I had written that people who become serial murderers often began by hurting/killing small animals, would you think that I had some personal/family experiences with that??? :rolleyes:</p>

<p>3togo (post 172), that’s how I feel. I’m not quite sure how to put this without it coming out poorly, but I often have people tell me what great kids I have and that I should be credited for that. While I think I did have influence with my kids, I think a huge part of it is that I simply lucked out. My kids have been easy to parent in the scheme of things and are self motivated types and high achievers and don’t get into trouble. I just feel lucky. I think I could have just as easily had a problem child. I don’t deny that I have helped shape my kids but I don’t take full credit for how they have turned out (despite people freely crediting me!). I think some parents get lucky and some don’t, in this regard. And again, some parents have a kid who is the perfect type child and one who is a problem kid and the parent is still the same person doing their best to parent.</p>

<p>jonri, I guess I didn’t get the memo that you are supposed to lose the sense of how your child is faring in school, with his emotions or even with the legal system after he turns the ripe old age of 21. If this young man hid his arrest/taser/probation/drug testing, etc. then, (I highly doubt it), he sure isn’t hiding anything now, is he?</p>

<p>And no, you aren’t guaranteed of anything with raising kids… some of it is just a blessing from above I think and I thank Him daily for giving me two that have been real easy to raise. However, I would take the odds of turning out a pretty good one by showing a little tough love from the getgo…</p>

<p>We truly don’t know anything about this kid’s parents. Perhaps they have punished him for poor behavior. People are making assumptions about the parents. In fact, the dad is quoted as warning the son after the Duke incident. He obviously tried to instill something that time!</p>

<p>MOWC – Trust me when I say if Huguely were my child I would be the first to say H and I are partly to blame. Somewhere, somehow, we failed to adjust our parenting style to meet the needs/problems of the child. My parents raised 7 kids and they will tell you each child had their own unique personality and each required different parenting. I hate it when people think it is OK to send their problem kid off to college and hope/pretend all will be well, and when it isn’t - quickly claim ignorance or denial of the child’s past behavioral problems.</p>

<p>*I feel pretty confident that neither of my kids will become murderers… I think many good parents can feel a similar confidence.
*</p>

<p>*I really hate it when people use these tragedies as an opportunity to pat themselves on the back and make sure everyone in internet-land knows this could NEVER happen in THEIR family. *</p>

<p>Oh please…Yes…most parents (and I do include myself) can be confident that their children will never murder anyone. Gee, is that so hard to fathom? LOL</p>