<p>KandKsmom, So glad you have had the "blessing " of easy to raise children. Some kids and parents may make mistakes.</p>
<p>Back to the murder…</p>
<p>We’ve heard that they recently broke up. </p>
<p>Were they going to be graduating in May? If so, I wonder if the impending graduation, when both would be going their separate ways also fueled his anger. </p>
<p>there was also a mention that he said that he was also angry that her apt door was unlocked. how ironic. He’s angry that she’s left herself vulnerable by leaving the front door unlocked, and he takes advantage of it and kills her?</p>
<p>I don’t know this boy’s parents but I betcha they felt quite confident that their child would never murder anyone either. He obviously was a good student to attend UVA from out of state and also was accomplished at sports…things many people would think would align with a kid who would never be a murderer. It wasn’t like he was in a gang, etc. I think most students are pretty shocked to hear a fellow student did this. I don’t think people expected he’d turn out to murder someone.</p>
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<p>Perhaps all of you who know so much would like to participate in your own vigil for this young woman. Mourn her passing and remember her life. </p>
<p>God keep you safe, Yeardley.</p>
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<p>My parents never had a clue of the things I was doing in high school and college. So, they had NO sense… thought I was the good Catholic girl they had raised. I was doing all kinds of illegal and, in their eyes, immoral things. Again, they had no clue. Based on my experience, I would never assume that I know everything my kid is capable of.</p>
<p>That being said, I remember one time my mom telling me that she wondered if my older brother’s career choices that involved lots of traveling for him had something to do with how his son turned out (he was in all kinds of trouble from middle school on). I kept thinking to myself, if she knew the things I had done, would she blame herself or my dad as easily.</p>
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<p>This isn’t regularly scheduled programming.</p>
<p>sabaray - although there is never a good time nor bad time for something like this, it is unfortunate that in a matter of days, most of these students will be leaving campus where more appropriate and compassionate support might be available in the immediate days and weeks following the trauma.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids- Luckily for you (and most of us) the odds are in favor of our kids NOT murdering someone. Some of this can be attributed to our parenting skills, but certainly not anywhere near all. Can I offer you an arm extender for that back patting?</p>
<p>"barrons, as a weaker woman, I’m telling you to back off the request to turn this into a gun thread.</p>
<p>What a chauvinist! "</p>
<p>This ridiculous form of thinking gets women killed. Most women are weaker than most men, sorry but a fact. Deal with it. We had several recent similar cases where women were being stalked by men they had broken off with. They got the piece of paper but not a gun. They are dead.</p>
<p><a href=“http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011204661_teachershot27m.html[/url]”>http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011204661_teachershot27m.html</a></p>
<p>sevmom, I have made a boatload and so have/will my kids. No self back slapping “parent of the year trophy” for me thank you. I am damn lucky (yes I do believe blessed is the better word, sorry if that term offended you) to have two pretty good ones. </p>
<p>I don’t know this boy’s parents either and maybe I am being too harsh. Maybe they did try to intervene over the years and did their best, we don’t know. Maybe it was just his violent physical makeup that mixed with other factors (has anyone else thought of steriods ?) to cause him to do this. Two lives are lost nonetheless.</p>
<p>I guess my feelings about this situation have been affected by seeing so many parents/families like this one who have young kids that act recklessly, only for the parents to downplay the action or make excuses for the kid’s behavior. It can be a cycle that tends to repeat itself, sometimes with the young person chosing more grievous actions. Unfortunately, my personal opinions dealing with that got the best of me, I blurred the lines, and it was wrong of me to generalize or sound like Miss High and Mighty when it comes to this situation.</p>
<p>I wish people would stop using this to make debates about parenting. So many orphans and children of single parents DON’T go on to become murderers.</p>
<p>I’m guessing that like a lot of young people, Huguely had become rather independent. Ringing up his parents and crying wasn’t exactly the thing to do. Huguely goes out and drinks… maybe with his team. But “tight” as he was with his team, alcohol makes him even lonelier… it lays bare your emotions.</p>
<p>Reports seem to indicate there were warning signs before, noticed by his friends. Especially when he tried to strangle his gf a month ago? I can’t help but think that a friend in the right place – reassuring him that she’s a catch but not the only fish in the sea. “You’re only 22! You have a whole lifetime to find someone [yes even if you are into fellow athletes!]” I think there are a few times in my life where friends helped me ensure that I am alive today. </p>
<p>There have been times I have been such an emotional wreck… and the whole culture of “drink your troubles away this weekend” makes it so much worse. Even without alchohol, you can feel really disoriented. You can really feel not yourself – like you’re in some strange, realistic nightmare-yet-quite-not. It’s kind of scary how quickly your thoughts turn to death. You could kill anyone – yourself, a random passerby… you shudder at the thought of killing her, but you think of it anyway</p>
<p>Did I mention how much alcohol makes all of this worse?</p>
<p>Luckily, these episodes have ended up with me talking with a friend or singing my heart out off the steps of Clemons patio at 2 am. But it’s so ridiculously easy to get pushed near the edge.</p>
<p>I suppose our character defines what we do at that edge.</p>
<p>KandKsmom, Confused about your post about a boatload, assume money? I am not the one who ever got into any of the back slapping,etc. so please take that discussion elsewhere. Thanks!</p>
<p>We could make it about steroids. Possible.</p>
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<p>I don’t get the “like this one”. Do you know anything about this family? How do you know they downplay their kid’s behavior or make excuses for him? There are parents like that, for sure. But unless you know this family, how can you say “like this one”? It is that assumption here that I find bothersome. I don’t know these parents. They could be the best ones or not. Unless I have observed them personally, I don’t get how I could ever be judging this on the information out there so far. </p>
<p>This whole slant about the parents seems to be taking the attention away from the young man who acted violently resulting in a tragedy (he is responsible for that) and the grief over this young woman and for those who are now suffering. I also think it will be interesting to hear what signs others had about him (reference to past incident a month ago with this girl that was physically abusive, for example) and who told who and what, if anything, people did to intervene, if concerned. This is an act of violence against a woman in a relationship and that is a concern. If many signs led up to this (don’t know that yet), it is a situation others can learn from.</p>
<p>*Luckily for you (and most of us) the odds are in favor of our kids NOT murdering someone. Some of this can be attributed to our parenting skills, but certainly not anywhere near all. Can I offer you an arm extender for that back patting? *</p>
<p>Momofwildchild…I would be willing to bet that if I asked your parents (assuming that they’re still alive) if they thought that you could ever murder someone, they would very assuredly say, “no,” and they would know that because they had raised you and know that you’re not capable of such an evil act.</p>
<p>I would even go as far as saying that in spite of the colorful stories that you’ve shared over the years about Wild Child, I doubt he would be capable of murdering anyone either, and you can take some credit for that.</p>
<p>^^^However, ya read stories all the time of someone who has committed a crime like murder where everyone who knew the person felt that he wasn’t capable of it and it was entirely out of character. That is why it is very very likely that even this kid’s parents assumed their son could never commit murder, just like many of us here would say about our own kids.</p>
<p>I don’t want to use a movie as a rhetorical example, but take a look at The Dark Knight. It’s not about what you do when you are normal, but what you do when you are pushed. Normal people can be compelled to do things they would normally not consider. Everyone is capable of doing something drastic when they are pushed. Character defines itself in a time of crisis.</p>
<p>** a more literary counterexample would be Lord of the Flies, I guess</p>
<p>Character defines itself in a time of crisis.</p>
<p>Very true…and character is developed. It’s not something a person is born with.</p>
<p>I assume they did a drug screen. They were coming up on finals and use of drugs such as Aderall is pretty common on college campuses during that time. Abuse has been linked to violence.</p>
<p>This couple had been dating “off again, on again” for one year. He had trouble with alcohol. The tension had gotten worse between them “recently”. This all spells trouble to me. I believe that when a young man puts his hands around the neck of a young woman and makes threats to kill her, it significantly raises the odds of further more serious aggression and possible murder. I’m very sad that this young woman didn’t report these threats right away. (maybe she did) There are some very typical signs that could be taught to our daughters to keep them safe. I just bought my daughter a book called "The Gift of Fear ". I plan on having a serious talk with her when she comes home from college.</p>