<p>@rosemadder-
Keep in mind, too, that your mom grew up in a very different society then the US, in China so much is based on rigid criteria,like where you went to school. My son is in music, and many of his colleagues in the pre college program he was in were Asian in background, either Asian American, often with immigrant parents, or immigrated here themselves with their family, and a lot of what you are seeing reflects the culture of the ‘old country’. Plus many immigrants have dreams of rising up and seeing their kids ‘make it’, generations ago this would be common among Jewish immigrants, to mention one example. The mad scramble to get into the right school (HYP, whatever) reflects the idea that those places breed wealth and success, and coming from a place where the school name often does just that, not surprised (in the music program he was in, a staggering number of the graduates each year end up at the top schools, they put a lot of the elite prep schools to shame)</p>
<p>Without demeaning either you or your mom, the problem is that the idea that HYP alone provides happiness, or that people going there are going to provide that brilliant future, is problematic. Those schools obviously attract a lot of excellent students, some from old money, some from poorer families who have done well in school and gotten good aid/scholarships, and among a pool like that, it is not surprising they succeed…but unlike your mom’s vision, going to an HYP doesn’t guarantee success or that finding someone there will guarantee you success. There are people who go to Ivies who achieve modest success, are upper middle income, do well, but aren’t rich, for every Mark Zuckerberg, there are a lot of people who do well, but aren’t rich. People who graduate from HYP’s and become academics don’t make all that much money compared to the private sector…and trying to find a mate in college, unless the kid is from old money where they don’t have to work, is going to be a problem cause you could marry the kid who gets a Harvard MBA and doesn’t do all that well, it does happen, and not all that infrequently. </p>
<p>More importantly, there is the other side to this, that greatness comes from all over. A recent success story is the Intercontinental Exchange, that is now if not the leading, one of the leading exchange in the world, the head of it took a start up that in 10 years went from nothing to buying out the New York Stock Exchange…and that guy went to a state school, majored in Engineering and partying (by his own admission), got an MBA from a cal State school…he is also an example of something else, his wife apparently is a major advisor to him, she is part of the company and they are a team, and that is not uncommon.</p>
<p>I agree with others, find the school that fits yourself, work towards your own idea of success, and I would bet somewhere along the way, you will find the husband that fits you and that will drive you forward. I am not rich by any means, I have done very well, well enough that we could focus on my son’s dreams happening, and I will tell you that as talented as I am, the skills I have, that without her I don’t think I would have been able to reach the level of success I have…and yet we didn’t go to an ivy (pretty good private college), both of us came from modest backgrounds, didn’t have a nickle between us when we left school, and simply fell for each other as friends and companions, and we have been together now over 30 years…</p>
<p>The best bet in terms of your mom is to do what many of us did with our own parents, say “of course, mom, you are right” with a big smile, and then do what you feel you need to do. To be honest, if your goal is to find a successful man and have the good life, you probably would do a lot better going to a school that fits you, work towards making it yourself, and watch what happens. Mark Zuckerberg started dating the woman that is his wife in college, before he did facebook and became rich, she became a doctor and is a successful pediatrician, and if you look at the wives of successful people out there, the clowns that run google (said with affection) and so forth, you will find that they have wives that were pretty well educated and accomplished, and that is no accident, I agree with others, many men of the caliber you are talking about want wives who are accomplished, and while the trophy wife where the wife is a knockout who seemed to be bred to be a high end wife, especially among second marriages, still exists, it is not all that common. FInd your passion, find your excellence, and I would bet doing that you will find what you are looking for. </p>