Study: College Kids More Narcissistic

Parents Forum
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<p>I did no homework until 7th grade; my elementary school didn’t believe in it. (Private, Quaker, Phila suburbs) We were expected to read books, and many of them. But it wasn’t homework that was graded; we were simply asked to report the titles and authors in a notebook.</p>

<p>I think homework in general is <em>mostly</em> busy work and <em>mostly</em> a waste of time. I think it’s designed to give teachers something that they can grade without worrying about the actual competence of their students, which is why grades have gone up while standardized test scores have gone down. </p>

<p>I agree with advantagi(e)ous that seeing the homework assigned to students is a good way to see what teachers are teaching, and that’s precisely why I think most teachers assign it, NOT because they actually think it enhances learning.</p>

<p>As a chemistry teacher, when I taught full-time (which I no longer do), I made every effort to ensure that EVERY assignment I gave was directly related to student learning. Practice problems were clearly labelled as such and students were encouraged to work on the problems they did NOT understand rather than they ones they did; regular lab reports–full written reports–were assigned at least twice a quarter. My students did more writing about the science they did than they did about the books they read in English class. One reason I quit teaching was that I couldn’t meet my family committments <em>and</em> meet my own standards for quality education, and my family came first.</p>

<p>I support homework that supports educational goals; I detest silly busy work, like art projects in math class (described by an AP math teacher of my acquaintance as “a way to bring the girls’ grades up”). Or doing ten problems when one well-thought-out one would suffice.</p>

<p>First graders, in my opinion (note the omission of the “humble”), should be assigned pleasure reading at the most and ideally nothing. The idea that they start to be responsible for their homework at their age is ridiculous; all you do is make the parents crazy.</p>

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<p>I also think there was a much stronger deliniation between adult lives and children’s lives, with neither having the expectation that those lives would intersect in as many ways as seems to be de rigeur today.</p>

<p>Bomber— “AMEN” </p>

<p>Born in 1950. Mom did not work outside the house. Dad worked hard for the money and traveled alot. But mom did the Room Mother/Den Mother stuff and Dad did the Dad’s club and both did the PTA stuff at night. Some family vacations.</p>

<p>BUT they went out together on many many weekends. They went on adult vacations w/o us (I have a older bro). They had friends who either did not have kids or whose kids went to another school district. Clearly, we were not their “entire” life.</p>

<p>Nor were they our whole life. Dad said you get food, clothing and shelter. Anything else: get a job. We threw paper routes, mowed lawns, stocked at the grocery and drug stores, janitored apartments, worked construction (in high school). We had our own money. </p>

<p>Chores? Damn right! Church? You bet. </p>

<p>“Failure to launch?” Not hardly. This wasn’t an option.</p>

<p>My only child was born in 1988. We did the same pattern. We spent time (and did activies) as parents. But we also spent time as a couple and on individual interests. </p>

<p>As for S, the goal was to develop his independence and responsibility. Our favorite quote to S “we’ve already been to school.” He was responsible for school, so there was very little nagging. The quid pro quo? He had all age appropriate privileges. It worked.</p>

<p>When the “driving issue” came along at 16 (in 2004), I told him here are the keys – you get a car 24/7 (a 1988 Blazer, rebuilt engine and re-upholstered interior), so long as you contine to get your school stuff done, maintain a reasonable attitude and, oh by the way, pay for gas and insurance. He found a job, has paid all those expenses and kept his grades. </p>

<p>He has continued to have more age appropriate freedoms.</p>

<p>“Self-confident”? Damn right. Going to launch? All of us can’t wait (he’s a senior). </p>

<p>If you successfully raise a child to be independent, they don’t need, or have time, to be overly self absorbed. The people we know that have the (non “true”) narcissitic kids seem to be those who are guilty about NOT spending all their time with their kids and make up for it by never saying no, never setting limits, never making the child responsible for anything and always giving the kids “stuff” to compensate for their guilt.</p>

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<p>07Dad I think your parenting skills are spot on! I’m sure you’re son is a wonderful young man who will do very well in life.</p>

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<p>This article is fine and all, but what does it have to do with ME???</p>

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<p>Narcissist profiles are encouraged by schools, society, and in a way by the strict capitalist model that we have adopted. We need to encourage individuals so they can think in the rest. Discover that my happiness lies in the happiness of my partner. Discover that serving is in deed ruling.</p>

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<p>Being selfish and self centered are innate characteristics of the human being. I agree, it even forms the basis of a capatilitic society where working for our individual interests will in theory bring the general welfare.</p>

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<p>Look at the world itself, humans form into nations and bicker and fight over stupid things.</p>

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<p>why on earth would a first grader have homework? What do you hope to gain with the assignment?</p>

<p>… why wouldn’t a first grader have homework? I had plenty of language, math, science and art assignments back when I was in first grade. I learned a lot, even when I was one of the biggest slackers in the class. And this was in a poor, run-down, over-populated school that didn’t even have modern toilets/sewage system, nevermind the crumbling walls and 60-year old chairs, not a school for academic superstars.</p>

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<p>Anyone mentioned the fact that most families today have only one or two children? Parents focus more on those kids and are more invested in them–they feel that the child’s failure (or achievement) reflects on them so they get overly involved and controlling. And there is more $ to buy kids stuff. A lot of kids (not YOUR kids, of course, but I’m sure you KNOW a lot of families like this) get spoiled and grow up thinking the focus is always on them–because it always has been the whole time they were growing up. Kinda like the “Little Emperor Syndrome” in China.</p>

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<p>Another thought–not just the smaller family in itself, but the virtual elimination of middle children might have a lot to do with the trend toward more self-involvement.</p>

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<p>AtomMom, what interesting notions. I haven’t run across those anywhere before. The observation about the greatly diminished number of middle children–at least in middle and upper-middle class families–has a ring of truth to it.</p>

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<p>No more proof of this than of the 91 year old man being beaten while others watched and did nothing. Recently, a teacher was beaten by a student and the other kids in the class just watched. My D and I would have jumped in (My purse is a lethal weapon!) But then my parents expected certain behavior from me and worried about what other people thought. Now, so many people don’t care what anyone else thinks. And I remember if any neighbor said that I had done anything that I shouldn’t have, I was in trouble, now it’s the neighbor that’s in trouble for casting aspersions on the child that is perfect. Was it a perfect system? No, Were we ever accused when we weren’t at fault? Yes. But it was still better in thelong run, because we learned that there were other people in the world, too, and they had rights, too.</p>

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<p>There was concern in China about the same phenomenon, because everyone was limited to one child. They were called the “little emperors.”</p>

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<p>Momof2Inca, it’s a tough sell, isn’t it? When our kids were young we attended a parenting course that emphasized teaching children about “the preciousness of others”. So, when we’d be at the store and the kids would be playing under the clothes racks, I’d say, “You see that sales lady over there? She has to fix all the clothes nicely on the racks again after the store closes. She probably wants to get home to her family, so let’s make her job easier by not messing up the clothes.”</p>

<p>My kids grew up and a year or so ago were laughingly telling me how much they hated it when I’d tell them that stuff (and I thought I was so inspiring!), and how they’d sometimes mess stuff up when I wasn’t looking just to be mean. So then my 21 y/o d got a job at a clothing store this year. She was telling me how the kids come in and mess up all the clothes. I laughingly asked if she wished those kids cared about “the preciousness of others”. She said, “Yes, I do! And I’m going to teach my kids that someday!” LOL! The sweet revenge of being a parent to adult children! </p>

<p>I so agree with you about realistic expectations. Our youngest S wants to study filmmaking. Fine. He wants to be a director of feature films. Fine. But…it’s not likely that will ever happen. I don’t want to come right out and say that because I get accused of squashing his dreams. However, I do frequently talk with him about the variety of different ways his filmmaking degree could be used. I hope that I am helping him to temper his expectations by helping him not to see becoming a famous director as the only measure by which he can someday judge his success as a human being.</p>

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<p>Not only that, but if children are so important, why do we only want 1 or 2 of them? If we could for a moment lay environmental concerns aside, I think it is sad that the world’s citizens who have the means (financial, educational, emotional, etc.) to raise up children who can contribute so much to making the world a better place don’t do it. </p>

<p>The reason we don’t is that we don’t want our 1 or 2 children to have to make do with less. I know a family with 6 children. They don’t have a lot of stuff and their house is kind of shabby. One adult child is a mother of 2 small children who is also making do with less so that her husband can work in a non-profit organization training young men for volunteer disaster relief. Her brother just received an engineering degree and is heading off to do engineering work for the less fortunate with a non-profit in Latin America. Another brother has spent time working in Mongolia with troubled teens there and is now training as a rescue diver. The other 3 kids are still in school. Those 6 kids, who have no allusions of making the world better by their specialness, really <em>are</em> making the world better. They are also undoubtedly happier than many kids from smaller families who did not have to make do with less and are being told that they can achieve anything they want.</p>

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<p>This has been the best thread that I’ve seen in a long time. </p>

<p>Every post is special and insightful.</p>

<p>Those who have chosen not to post, and that is ok too, have lurked at a very high level.</p>

<p>Everyone here is to be congratulated!</p>

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<p>How about trophies for posters, ribbons for lurkers?</p>

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<p>I think we should all get something…because we are <em>all</em> special! :-)</p>