<p>Incidentally, the Tiger Woods situation provides an excellent hook for parents to talk with their kids about sex. When my sons were young (10, 14), the Bill Clinton scandal provided excellent fodder for these kind of conversations.</p>
<p>"Schuster and his colleagues reported on their yearlong study of 141 teens (ages 13 to 17) and their parents. At the beginning of the study, none of the teens had had sexual intercourse. Then, three times over the course of the next year, the scholars surveyed the teens and their parents, asking very detailed questions about parent-teen communication about sex, and asking the kids about any sexual activity. The questions ranged from moral- and values-based questions (e.g., reasons not to have sex, how you know you’re in love) to specifics about sexual behavior and contraception (proper use of a condom, choices of birth-control methods).</p>
<p>Analyzing the data, the scholars determined that, in that year, 40 percent of the boys and 46 percent of the girls had had sexual intercourse before their parents had ever given them advice on how to ask someone out on a date. More than 40 percent of the teens had had sex before having a single conversation with their parents about condom use, birth-control options, or sexually transmitted diseases. </p>
<p>Hmmm… I’m wondering how it is possible to exclude the impact of the survey questions themselves on the observed outcomes? (I mean… wouldn’t a 14 year old who had to answer a detailed survey about sexual behavior start thinking more about sex after answering those questions – and perhaps questioning some assumptions precisely because of being asked the questions? )</p>
<p>I think we have a significant problem in this culture because we don’t talk with kids early and often about the fact that sex is a basic human energy–and then we expose them to all kinds of dis-information and innuendo on television (aren’t the superbowl adverts about “dysfunction” at least as thought provoking as a school survey?) I admire the Unitarian and Congregational congregations that do “Our Whole Lives” as a part of growing up in a spiritual community. It is basic healthy inclusive developmentally sound sexuality education that emphasizes respect, knowledge and communication about the fact that we are all whole and healthy sexual beings who need to know what to do with this energy we come by naturally…and the program starts in kindergarten and continue in 4th grade, middle school, high school and adult versions–each developed to have age-appropriate content. One of the best things about it is my kids have had conversations with adults I know and trust, that are not their parents–and at some stages that makes it easier to ask your questions and get good responses that help you think and make good decisions.</p>
<p>I think a lot of parents are naive about how soon their kids learn about sex. I knew about it by the first grade. No, I didn’t find any smutty magazines or porn videos or even watch any movies with “adult themes.” I just picked it up from tidbits I heard that boys and girls had different “parts” that fit together a certain way. It’s amazing what kids can learn by osmosis. And then as I got older this subject was of course a topic of curiosity and discussion. There was the usual schoolyard gossip about how you couldn’t get pregnant if you had sex while standing up and how Coca Cola could be used as a contraceptive . . . Kids can be very gullible. Better to teach them the truth early on (especially about safe sex.) </p>
<p>Also, I’ve always thought a lot of teen sex/STDs/pregnancies could be avoided if parents let their their kids know it’s okay to masturbate. Your hands won’t fall off, or whatever the rumors are.</p>
<p>If you don’t talk to your kids about sex, they’re just as likely to have sex, but they’re less likely to use a condom.</p>
<p>It would be nice to get away from the “sex is a dirty, shameful thing and you should only do it with someone you love very much” puritan mentality and take a more realistic, less emotionally-charged, and practical approach to the topic.</p>
<p>I saw enough teen moms in the last few weeks at the hospital to know whatever the current system is doing, it isn’t working. Only about half of the pregnancies that occur each year in the US are intentional, and that’s just ****-poor.</p>
<p>Of course, I had sex, got married, had children, and saw them grow up and leave home “before having a single conversation with [my] parents about condom use, birth-control options, or sexually transmitted diseases.” I’m still waiting for that conversation. (Not really.)</p>
<p>Here is 100% of the content of the only relevant conversation my father ever had with me. I had just graduated from high school, and had been sexually active (although not constantly so) for about a year and a half. It took him over 40 minutes to get the following out:</p>
<p>“You know . . . when the other guys brag about what they are doing with their girlfriends . . . a lot of the time . . . it’s just bragging, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Dad, I know that.”</p>
<p>This was a very meaningful conversation for him – he made it clear that he was passing down the essential male wisdom of the ages, that his father had once passed to him. I talked with my father all the time, by the way, but mainly about movies, politics, and history – areas he felt competent to address.</p>
<p>Our kids have sex ed in health in 9th grade - - they do some earlier in middle school as well, but the 9th grade unit is the one that facilitates “the talk”. </p>
<p>The class assignments include an interview sheet where the kids interview their parents about sex :eek: They send home a sheet of questions, and the parent and kid sign and send it back when they are done talking. The answers do not need to be written down, just the sheet saying they talked.</p>
<p>It starts with some general questions about telling stories about when they were born, what was difficult to adjust to as a parent. Then a discussion of how things have changed sexually for teens since parents were in high school, what messages we got about sex (spoken & unspoken) then, what birth control/abortion/adoption were like when we were teens, whether there was a double standard then. Asks parents’ reaction to survey info on % of kids in different grades who have had sex. Then it gets into when parents think it is appropriate for 2 people to have sex, how parents would respond if teen got into an unplanned pregnancy situation, how parents would respond if teen got an STD, what if parents found teen viewing pornography. Finally, it asks parents what important piece of advice they would give kids about sex.</p>
<p>The school does not require this assignment in case any families choose not to do it, and it is not graded. But I think pretty much everyone does it. I think the parents are relieved that the school gives them a framework for the discussion, but there is room for religious or cultural differences in the process. D1, who is now in college, told me recently that she didn’t even remember that conversation as awkward (glad ONE of us didn’t!). D2 and I will be having it in about 2 weeks :)</p>
<p>And calmom, don’t you remember being 14? We were already thinking about sex a lot - - especially the boys, I think, but the girls were, too.</p>
<p>I heard today that parents don’t want their children introduced to sax and violins in the schools.</p>
<p>I say nonsense what better place for tHem to be introduced! Jazz music is an intregal part of American culture and orchestral aND bluegrass music is also part of our heritage.
Everychild should know how to play an instrument, music brings harmony and beauty to the world and is a universal language , even between species.</p>
<p>LOL Emeraldkity - my D is in a contemporary American issues class and their current topic is euthanasia and every time she says, “We discussed euthanasia today in class,” my mind flashes to Emily Litella and youth in Asia.</p>
<p>My kids were very embarassed when we tried to talk about sex (in all honesty, we were too). We compromised by buying a lot of different books that I had heard were good (complete with diagrrams & illustrations) about sex & leaving them strategically scattered around the house. I’d find them in different locations & in their bedrooms, so we knew they were reading them. Some of the books were written for girls, some for boys, some for parents, some for teens. The bookstores were very happy with us :)</p>
<p>Ideally, yes, we would have spoken much more freely about sex with the kids, but since both kids seem to devour the printed word, this seemed to minimize everyone’s discomfort & we were available when they had questions.</p>
<p>Are sex-ed classes started in 9th grade in the US? In the UK, we had them at the start of the 5th grade (this was the early 2000s). Even so, most of my friends already knew about sex and contraception. Parents had to attend some of the sex-ed meetings with their kids at our school to kick off the parent-child communication. I don’t know how much it helped; many of my peers wound up as teenage moms and dads (starting from 14 onwards!). On the other hand, my parents and I never, ever talked about ‘sex’ (mom got extremely uncomfortable the other day while my sis and I were talking about the genetic basis of homosexuality) and yet I’d consider myself the most responsible out of many, many of my peers. It’s not just the parents. Much depends on the kids themselves.</p>
<p>FallGirl, I think that is an average. Some of us (back in the day) thought about sex constantly. And it was difficult to get anything else done. </p>
<p>I still remember my father’s chat with me about sex: “Learn about it the way I did - in the gutter.”</p>
<p>The only chat I had with my sons, actually only the older one, involved the legal risk of having consensual sex with an underage girl.</p>
<p>I remember having sex-ed classes in 5th grade…what happened? Don’t they still do that in MA?</p>
<p>“Sex in the City” was the greatest source of the specifics for my girls. I had no problem with them watching the unedited version or other sexual images in the media from their early teens (clarifying things when necessary). I think it has made them more comfortable with their bodies and sex than I ever was as a young adult. Of course, they got the scientific perspective in Middle School health classes. I don’t believe the open viewing policy has made them more promiscuous and they seem to have a healthy attitude.</p>
<p>I’m still waiting for DH to have “the talk” with our almost 17 yr. old son…good thing I already did it when he was about 11…haha…watching old seasons of 90210 with our 13 yr. old daughter has been a great teaching tool for what NOT to do, that’s for sure! Thankful that school also has a “life management” program that addresses issues starting in 6th grade.</p>