<p>My husband has had lymphoma for almost ten years now (that we’ve known about, I mean). Chronic illnesses do indeed take an ongoing toll on a relationship. You have my sympathies.</p>
<p>First, it has been very helpful to me to have some activities that are just mine. In my case, it’s dog training and competition. I have unconditional companionship with my dogs, a reason to take a walk every day, friends who share my obsession–and time to myself to recoup. It also gives me something to share with my husband.</p>
<p>I have several friends whose husbands use the CPAP. Most of them have gotten used to the noise, but a few sleep in a separate bedroom. They do, however, read next to their husbands until he falls asleep, to keep that time of day special. </p>
<p>I would suggest going out to breakfast with your husband–breakfast specifically because it’s usually the freshest and calmest time of day–and talking through your problems and some solutions that might work. Don’t just whine: present the problems and some potential solutions and be open to other ideas. Agree to try something for a few days if it’s important to him. </p>
<p>You can work through this. Really. You’ve gotten through the last 23 years.</p>
<p>Re the CPAP – is his machine new and up to current standards? My husband uses one and I am the lightest sleeper imaginable and his is almost completely silent. He has one of the newer, softer masks.</p>
<p>papengena, I second teriwtt’s suggestion to look into the possible side effects of your H’s medications. My H was put on a blood pressure lowering medication that had a huge negative effect on his personality in a matter of days: he became cranky, started snapping at me and his coworkers, and his sleep patterns changed. Luckily, he recognized that something was not right, read up on the side effects of the drug and had a chat with his doctor. H is now taking another drug and is back to his normal self!
Big hugs to you.</p>
<p>papengena–my hub had major surgery last year. He’s always been very easy-going (& I’m more the hot-head, vocal one) but he was really mean & angry during his recovery. I think it was (as stated above) partly to do w/pain meds + the manly feeling of not being the provider, etc. Plus, being house-bound (& watching me run out the door when things got testy) was another stressor. As soon as he got back to work, he was fine.</p>
<p>Funny, I’d talk to women whose husbands were home for a variety of reasons (job change, work-from-home, etc.) and they all said – it’s not the greatest arrangement.</p>
<p>Good luck & thanks for the Jeff Buckley rec. I love halleluja. Hang in there!</p>
<p>Since I discovered that I was type II diabetes, I moderated my starch, sugar, and fruit consumption. I immediately noticed that my mood swings is not so pronounced now; I no longer go from high energy to the crash phases. me, guy. </p>
<p>I think it is not uncommon for those with heart disease to also be diagnosed with depression. Has your husband been diagnosed and treated medically for depression? If not, you might want to mention your husband’s behavior to his doctor. </p>