<p>As we all know, when we hit retirement age we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are some tips. </p>
<p>You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…
You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. </p>
<li>You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
<li>You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. </li>
<li>You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face. </li>
<li>You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top. </li>
<li>“Dress Code” is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads. </li>
<li>You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. </li>
<li>You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. </li>
<li>The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! </li>
<li>You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.</li>
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<p>You can Live in California where…
You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2 The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. </p>
<p>You can Live in New York City where…
You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
4 You think Central Park is “nature.”
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You’ve worn out a car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression. </p>
<p>You can Live in Maine where…
You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
You have more than one recipe for moose.
Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. </p>
<p>You can Live in the Deep South where…
You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
“y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
After five years you still hear, “You ain’t from ’ round here, are Ya?”
"He needed killin’ " is a valid defense.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc. </p>
<p>You can live in Colorado where…
You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. </p>
<p>You can live in the Midwest where…
You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!” </p>
<p>AND You can live in Florida where…</p>
<li>You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
<li>All purchases include a coupon of some kind – even houses and cars. </li>
<li>Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. </li>
<li>Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. </li>
<li>Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.</li>
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<p>Dubai is pretty cool - you have to stay employed though or you’ll get deported. Of course, employment is a relative term there…oh, and you can buy a house, you just cannot own the land.</p>
<p>Hahahahaha.<br>
Or you can be a snowbird and spend summers north/midwest and winters south/southwest. Did you know New Yorkers call Ft. Lauderdale the “6th borough”?</p>
<p>Many grins, Simba, but the “headless drivers”, now that’s an exceptional one. You can come here to the Gulf Coast - we have snowbirds, so you can have both "he deserved killin’ " AND the headless drivers, all without leaving the comfort of your La-Z-Boy. By the way, the phrase I grew up with was “not worth killin”, which is even lower, and useless as a defense.</p>
<p>simba and cangel, what do you think the chances are for a thread on choice retirement locations for rednecks? I think any viable location would have to include a NASCAR circuit for seniors. Perhaps sponsored by the likes of Sun City, Geritol, Polident, etc… I’ve lived below the Mason Dixon line my whole life, and the posibilities invading my mind are endless.</p>
<p>The ultimate redneck retirement must involve beer and guns and in my area, fishing poles. It is also known as the SEC football circuit. Actually it is probably lots of fun - get in your RV and tool on down to Athens, then tuscaloosa, then Knoxville, then over to Baton Rouge, starkville.
I’m aberrant, in that my redneck relations just aren’t into Nascar - I know that’s unusual.</p>
<p>Seriously, my husband and I have loved what we have seen of NH - are we totally nuts?? I really miss seasons, although granted northern New England might be a bit extreme. Living where the trees never change color and the leaves fall off in March, where a “nip in the air” means 40 at 6am and you better get out and enjoy it, because when the sun comes up it will be 70 - it does get old, honestly.</p>
<p>Cangel, you are NOT nuts. MANY folks retire to NH and VT. Many own second homes here as well. For you, it is a contrast to environment and in some ways, that is what a retirement or vacation place is for many people. The area up here is GORGEOUS. We have the change of seasons and each has its own special quality (and cons too). Actually we have five seasons…add mud season. It may be rural and some would miss the hustle and bustle of city life but certain communities in NH and VT are quite cultural, and the make up of many in the community are here out of choice of lifestyle. Each season brings with it various recreational things to do. It is a simpler quieter lifestyle…people know and care about their neighbors. There is no traffic. You have to drive farther to do certain things. Being on the East Coast, if you want city stuff, you can drive to Boston, Montreal, etc. but then come home to nirvana. The summers are beautiful and not as hot as elsewhere (in general). Every day, every place you go, you are looking at beauty. Even from the comfort of your home, this is so. Right now, right behind my back out my two story wall of windows is a tranquil scene of trees covered in snow, mountains and ski trails and not another building in sight. Not for everyone but many do retire to such areas. I live in a very very small town (not a single traffic light, population approx. 1700) but it is a resort town with many amenities, cultural and recreational, services, restaurants, etc. You aren’t silly to think about going to NH or VT for a wonderful change of pace and environment. </p>
<p>Yes! LOL 6+ months of winter is way too long especially if there is not much snow and everything is just brown. 2 months of summer is way too short and the lakes and ocean never warm up-low to mid 70s at best. There’s not much spring but I will admit fall is absolutely gorgeous. A nice place to visit, but I don’t plan to retire here.</p>
<p>I really think the areas near and in the mountains in Virginia/ North Carolina offer great value with low taxes and a nice moderate 4 season climate. Most oceanfronts are now too expensive and dangerous for my taste.</p>