<p>There is one line in his essay that says: “Who cares if I almost die?” It is clear from the entire sense of the essay that he isn’t really thinking about dying, but that line helps to feed the drama of the essay. Context for the line, he has failed his allergy test, his plan B is to to make his own attempt to test himself with the allergen in the hospital emergency room parking lot, so if he gets ill, he can walk right into the ER, and then asks, “who cares if I almost die?” (Almost like a “give me liberty or give me death” kind of statement.</p>
<p>Two people who have seen or heard about the essay (who both have Psychology backgrounds - one PhD, one MA) have commented on that that particular line, saying it may raise the issue of whether he is a suicide risk with an admissions officer and could keep him from being admitted.</p>
<p>My son and husband are convinced that any admissions officers will see past the one line to the entire tone and dismiss the idea that he is a suicide risk.</p>
<p>I was ready to dismiss one person, but now that the second person has said the same thinking (independantly) I am rethinking.</p>
<p>The way you describe the essay, it really doesn’t sound like he sounds like a suicide risk but that line sounds so gloomy. Maybe a lighter tone - “Will you notice I’m about to croak?” “If I keel over, will that get your attention?” “People! This is not a hangnail!” Does he have a teenager’s way of saying this is life-threatening? The words “almost die” are so dark.</p>
<p>Is there a way to reword the sentence that removes the possible interpretation of his essay in a negative way? Why risk it? There are enough other qualified candidates who won’t raise concerns with a “scary” line in an essay. Taken out of context it is hard to say how “important” that sentence is. IMO-- tone it down a bit. (PS- I am a Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist too)</p>
<p>Change it or take it out. It’s over-dramatic and self-important (and calls up the suicidal specter even though it’s clear he is not). Thus is does NOT feed the drama, only calls attention to itself, and thereby DETRACTS from the drama.</p>
<p>Agree with Heron. It sounds unnecessary, as it does not seem to add to the meaning or importance of the essay itself. I would leave it out, but that’s just me.</p>
<p>I’d change it. Some colleges ask questions of student recommenders to assess the risk of suicide of the applicant. Obviously, colleges are worried about this and to bring up the subject seems like a risk one wouldn’t want to take.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t assume the student was suicidal, but I would consider the writer to be self-absorbed and quite possibly passive aggressive. Not worth the risk.</p>
<p>Am I missing something? As the OP describes the essay, it seems to be primarily humorous in tone. I agree that it wouldn’t hurt to change the line in question to make it less ambiguous. However, I do see the humor as it is written. If it’s meant to be funny, I would find it neither over-dramatic, self-important, nor passive-aggressive. (And if admissions officers are screening for passive-aggressiveness now, a lot of folks are going to be in trouble :).) If I’ve missed the point, and I often do, I’d be perplexed about the whole thing.</p>
<p>application essays are a change to highlight elements of the student/application that otherwise might be buried.</p>
<p>UChicago has some interesting suggestions for their application essays, but most other colleges they are pretty standard- is this essay is a response to a prompt regarding life/death?</p>
<p>Having had a friend who actually DID die from an allergic reaction–in an allergist’s office, no less–undoubtedly colors my view that this doesn’t sound as humorous or mock-dramatic as he perhaps meant it to be. I agree that rephrasing it, if humor is the intent, would be a good idea.</p>
<p>I can virtually guarantee that if the Admissions Officer has a family member who is a doctor or a nurse, especially in a busy ER–they will find this essay more irritating or concerning than amusing. I can recall a diabetic teenager who frequently overdosed on her insulin in public places for attention–until the final time she did it and no one could resuscitate her.</p>
<p>I agree with Consolation and Masquemom–I’d suggest that your son should pick a different essay topic entirely. Too much risk of having a reader who cannot regard it as at all funny.</p>
<p>suicide risk issue aside, I think this essay demonstrates bad judgment on the part of your son (trying to induce a life-threatening reaction to get attention). It is not something you want to convey to the adcom.</p>
<p>Giving the op’s son the benefit of the doubt, perhaps this is being portrayed as an out of character fantasy of sorts, arising from frustration. However, if there’s any risk of misinterpretation…</p>
<p>Well, I love black humor, but if I were deciding who I wanted in the freshman class at my university, I might go for the kid who would think writing a funny or sarcastic story calling attention to the problem in the campus newspaper instead of a kid who likes to cut himself in a parking lot. I get the joke he is trying to make, but think he should take a pass on it.</p>
<p>I started talking to him about taking out the line last night, after seeing all the comments. I am putting up with typical teenager guff about parents not knowing what they are talking about but I framed the discussion as this could keep you out of the schools you want - do you feel that strongly about this line? Not done yet, he wants to submit by Sunday (a little early for the EA deadline, but I like that)</p>
<p>Katy, my suggestion is to focus on the positive rather than the negative… what does this essay say about him that the adcom’s couldn’t glean from somewhere else in the application? Irony and sarcasm are great; something clever that could be misconstrued as psychotic or immature is probably not going to do him any favors.</p>