I dream about my parents all the time. They are gone almost 4 years now.
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My dad died when I was 34 and my mom in 2021. I dream about them both. I’ve always found it comforting. Sometimes they are active in the dream - and sometimes I just like see my dad sitting off to the side smiling.
I always shared with my kids that I had dreams of my dad - and that fortunately they were pleasant. While they were too young or not born to really remember him, they had a close relationship with my mom. All 3 have expressed how it was such a positive - almost a relief - when they finally had a dream about grandma. Somehow it seems to feel like they have her again for a moment. They see it as positive and spiritual.
I am sorry for those who have dreams with their loved ones that are difficult, relive the hard moments or just disturbing. I hope with time these can change.
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My dad was blind for his last 40 or so years of his life. My mother was in a wheelchair with dementia for the last 2 years of hers. When I dream about them, Mom is walking around and being social and Dad can see. I love those dreams!
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My mom has dementia and is not recognizable as the mother I adored. I almost can’t see the “old mom” these days; I’d love to see her in my dreams.
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I’m jealous of all of you with your dreams!
I was pretty weepy a couple of days ago, wondering if I had been good enough support for my DH. Also, wondering what he was thinking as his days drew to a close.
Tomorrow my niece is coming to dinner. She works in corporate tax so I have asked her to help me look over my submissions to the CPA.
Thursday, I’m hosting dinner for a bunch of women I volunteered with back when the kids were in elementary school. I have so much food in my freezers and I’m looking forward to bringing everyone back together.
A WIN: a light came on in my car and the dealership called to say it was a catalytic converter and the new one would be $2100. I told them we would skip the repair while I decided whether to replace the car. I had a vague memory of using top level gas to get this to go away. SIL’s father owned a car parts store and told me to get a bottle of a catalytic cleaner to pour into the tank. Two days later, the light has turned off! Yay! No reason to spend $2100!!
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The dreams come with time. And you should note that we’re talking about our parents, not our spouses. You are doing great! One foot in front of the other. Or is it one step forward one step back?
Anyway, let me say it again – you are more than good enough, you are great! Look at what you’re doing for yourself, for your friends & volunteer community. Big hugs! 
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I’m not sure if I love or hate Apple for giving presenting me with a photo from my timeline each day. I stop in my tracks when Apple shows me photos of my husband when he was sick and working so hard to stay alive. Dang, those photos just get to me. Perspective, perspective.
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There is a setting where you can turn memories of specific people or times off – but of course you might not want to do that, either. It’s just hard.
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I am still strugging to innately access though memories of my lovely pre-dementia momma.
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Spring has arrived where we are, and I am struggling much more than usual. DH observed that my Dad and I always planned our gardens together, or he would give me advice about what to plant, or I would send him pictures of what was blooming in the yard here. And now I can’t do that.
My dad loved to garden. His mom did too, it was a thing we had in common. He grew corn, and rhubarb, and too many green beans and loved roses a lot. He has a big climbing rose I gave him one Father’s Day.
So, I thought other people might like to share what their person loved, if inclined to do so.
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My mom loved gardening too. I always think of her in the Spring. And as of today, she’s gone 4 years.
My dad loved playing cards and arguing about politics. I’m not necessary going to miss the politics part this election year ; )
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My dad loved hunting and fishing and sports. I definitely got my love of sports from him.
Interestingly, on the same night last week, ds1 and I dreamed of my dad and my mom. He wrote me about his dream, and it was so sad.
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There’s an amazing NY Times article, I highly recommend reading it (gift link):
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That’s a wonderful article. Thank you for sharing it. My mother had a vision that she shared with me a few days before she died. I know that it brought her great comfort.
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Thank you. That was a beautiful and powerful read.
Tears were shed. 
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I was transported to the ocean front during a long first birth. It felt real. The body does amazing things to help us.
My mother’s birthday is next week. She died in October 2022. For some reason I am having a harder time this year than last.
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I had a harder time the second year, too.
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My bereavement counselor basically said this happens a lot. Maybe it sinks in that they are gone. The first year, I would be in line at the store and still thinking “Oh, I’ll get that for her.” Not thinking that way anymore.
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i think the second year is harder because you can’t look back and say “a year ago” and have memory that includes them. All the second year “a year agos” are absent that person, and that’s a new kind of sad.
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Agree.
But, at some point I can smile at daily reminders, of the joys we shared, laughter we shared, lessons learned.
I feel gratitude for my departed relatives and carry their love still.
Sports, music, gardening, cooking… all enjoyed by my grandmother for example.
And that NY Times article is good. I do have relatives that had similar visions.
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